Connect Method Parenting

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ParticleMan
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Posts: 756

Connect Method Parenting

Post by ParticleMan »

Are punishments, lectures, bribes, timeouts, ultimatums, grounding effective? essential to parenting? Not so much.

A better way emphasizes connection over correction.

I might describe it as a framework to apply gospel principles in parenting instead of giving into the natural man, or one's default that may be Pavlovian.

Still learning about it but so far it seems super solid.

Note, it's geared toward moms:
https://connectmethodparenting.com

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Fred
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Location: Zion

Re: Connect Method Parenting

Post by Fred »

ParticleMan wrote: May 16th, 2024, 8:57 am Are punishments, lectures, bribes, timeouts, ultimatums, grounding effective? essential to parenting? Not so much.

A better way emphasizes connection over correction.

I might describe it as a framework to apply gospel principles in parenting instead of giving into the natural man, or one's default that may be Pavlovian.

Still learning about it but so far it seems super solid.

Note, it's geared toward moms:
https://connectmethodparenting.com
Children are different. I raised 3 daughters. One I never spanked. Not a single time. If I even gave her the look that I was disappointed, she would cry. My oldest daughter is a red head. Pretty head strong. She does things her way or not at all. By the time she was 5 I had learned to live with it.

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Reluctant Watchman
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Location: “if thine eye offend thee, pluck him out.”
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Re: Connect Method Parenting

Post by Reluctant Watchman »

ParticleMan wrote: May 16th, 2024, 8:57 am Are punishments, lectures, bribes, timeouts, ultimatums, grounding effective? essential to parenting? Not so much.

A better way emphasizes connection over correction.

I might describe it as a framework to apply gospel principles in parenting instead of giving into the natural man, or one's default that may be Pavlovian.

Still learning about it but so far it seems super solid.

Note, it's geared toward moms:
https://connectmethodparenting.com
I like what the BoM teaches, that the preaching of the word (aka gospel of Christ) had a greater effect than the sword.

spiritMan
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Posts: 2469

Re: Connect Method Parenting

Post by spiritMan »

ParticleMan wrote: May 16th, 2024, 8:57 am Are punishments, lectures, bribes, timeouts, ultimatums, grounding effective? essential to parenting? Not so much.

A better way emphasizes connection over correction.

I might describe it as a framework to apply gospel principles in parenting instead of giving into the natural man, or one's default that may be Pavlovian.

Still learning about it but so far it seems super solid.

Note, it's geared toward moms:
https://connectmethodparenting.com
Spoken like someone who has never raised kids.

JohnnyL
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Posts: 10056

Re: Connect Method Parenting

Post by JohnnyL »

ParticleMan wrote: May 16th, 2024, 8:57 am Are punishments, lectures, bribes, timeouts, ultimatums, grounding effective? essential to parenting? Not so much.

A better way emphasizes connection over correction.

I might describe it as a framework to apply gospel principles in parenting instead of giving into the natural man, or one's default that may be Pavlovian.

Still learning about it but so far it seems super solid.

Note, it's geared toward moms:
https://connectmethodparenting.com
Correction without connection->not so good
Connection allows better correction.

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ParticleMan
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Posts: 756

Re: Connect Method Parenting

Post by ParticleMan »

Clearly, my statement about "correction" could have been clearer. The intent was not to claim that correction isn't important but, rather, to note the preceding examples of correction as ineffective. Such approaches may get the desired behavior, temporarily, but without instilling intrinsic motivation for desired behavior.

Correction, of course, is essential to raising kids; the difference in effectiveness is in the how.

Now, instead of getting distracted by the messenger, consider evaluating the message.

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tacocat
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Posts: 265
Location: Under the radar

Re: Connect Method Parenting

Post by tacocat »

The scriptures in general give great advice about parenting. I have six kids, one grown and moved out. Here's some things I've learned:

They are all different. Each needs to be understood and dealt with according to their individuality, so a single method is almost never sufficient.

They need to see you struggle and overcome. Be genuine and vulnerable. Kids see their parents as a prototype of what they are to become. If you are cruel and miserable, they will expect to grow to be cruel and miserable. If you are determined and capable, they will find strength in themselves. This often happens when they are alone and your influence is strongest in their hearts. If they see you overcome your challenges, especially after seeing you struggle, they will know they can find the courage in themselves. If they see you pray, they will know there is someone they can pray to.

And then connection. Connect with them at their level. Never wish they were older or younger than they are. Enjoy the time you have with them for what it is each day. It will never come again. Foster imagination and free thinking. Integrate into their play and discovery of the world. That box is a racecar or a hair salon. The floor is lava. If you connect and participate with them in their adventures, they will see you as a trusted companion and guide instead of a rule-enforcer to be wary of. Sad is the child that sees their own parents as an obstacle to happiness.

This is like parables. You need to work with children in layers so they each learn whatever line is next in their line upon line progression. It's not easy, and it requires everything you have. You have to truly, willingly show your heart to them and set your own pride or selfishness aside for them. At the same time, you need to make sure they are warned and made to understand what is appropriate and what is not. Don't let them do things that are unbecoming of the example you wish for them to follow in you. If they trust you, then your kind corrections will be seen as an advantage, not a limitation.

Being a parent is a lot like the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We can do the telestial, preparatory gospel version of dos and don't, rules and punishments and rewards at arm's length. But to truly do it God's way, in a terrestrial way, we must become it and demonstrate it through our intent and who we are, not just what we say and outwardly do. We must apologize when we are wrong. If they see you own your mistakes, they will learn to own theirs. Finally, if we develop a perfect love for our children and put their needs first and teach by example a Jesus Christ does, and allow all of our conduct to be a lesson toward them; this celestial way of parenting can forge bonds that can weather the strongest storms of life.

I have not been perfect in these things, and have had a difficult journey along the path I've described, but I know that it works. It's all there in the scriptures, waiting for us to see and apply it.

Justapiratewasher
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Posts: 34

Re: Connect Method Parenting

Post by Justapiratewasher »

ParticleMan wrote: May 17th, 2024, 7:15 am Clearly, my statement about "correction" could have been clearer. The intent was not to claim that correction isn't important but, rather, to note the preceding examples of correction as ineffective. Such approaches may get the desired behavior, temporarily, but without instilling intrinsic motivation for desired behavior.

Correction, of course, is essential to raising kids; the difference in effectiveness is in the how.

Now, instead of getting distracted by the messenger, consider evaluating the message.
It didn't read that you said anything wrong. Of course we need to correct our children and guide them. But I do think giving them reasons for the guidance with love does make a difference. With my first child I had energy and time and I explained everything with love and now I know he trusts me when I say no. My second child, I was tired all the time so didn't have the energy to go into detail and explain everything. I also doubted my methods because others said I shouldn't explain. But I wish I did because she doesn't trust my advice. Just yesterday this was proven. She has a new toy that needs an adult to help but I was busy cleaning the kitchen and her friend was visiting and she insisted she wanted to make it with her friend and she said her friend said she knew what to do and in the end I gave up and I said ok. Go on then but don't be upset if it doesn't work out. I intercepted because I didn't want it to go wrong for her and got on the floor and explained to her that she has done it wrong. I decided to stop cleaning and make it for her but it didn't work out as good as it should have because there wasn't enough ingredients to do it. I said to her she needs to start trusting me when I say no to something. I'm saying no for a reason. So I wish I did it the same way as with my older child and I didn't listen to others saying I shouldn't need to explain because that explanation created a child who understands that I'm saying things for a reason.

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