freedomforall wrote:Why have faith to not be healed? No sense asking for a blessing with this attitude. A better question is: "do you have the faith to be healed?" Makes more sense, does it not?
Because sometimes it is Heavenly Father's will that we struggle with certain conditions or situations to teach us something important... whether it be patience, learn to trust in Him, etc...our trials are tailored for our individual needs and learning experiences and sometimes it means we will not be healed. Just saw a wonderful talk by Elder Bednar about this very issue...
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2016/08/acce ... g?lang=eng
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freedomforall wrote: Funny you'd ask. Yes, I have been depressed, sometimes severely, and have been for nearly fifty years. I've taken meds for it for about twenty five years, so it don't slam me to the ground. To summarize, during the time I was not on meds I would go home from work, have dinner and later sit on the floor in front of the television, rest my back against the couch, and stay there all night with the TV still on, then shower and go back to work. I did this routine for weeks on end. Is that depressed enough for you?
All the while my grievous sins kept stacking up and taunting me. I got to where I loathed myself. I became angry all the time, hard to live with and was a miserable, disgusting human being. My sins still kept stacking up against me. It was so bad that I wanted to die and be banished to a place where I would never, ever have to face God. I didn't trust Bishops around where I lived so I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place.
One day I got on my knees and begged God to help me, I felt like my life should come to an end. Then came the news that I was being transferred out of state by my employer. I went through a divorce and lost my family...and drove alone to my next home.
I drank some, swore like a banshee and said to heck with life. My sins, many, many kept stacking up against me.
Then one day as I was driving around I saw a chapel near where I lived. I researched and got the phone number for the bishop there. My intention was to go in and ask for my name to be removed from the records of the church, I had no hope of redemption. My sins tormented my whole inside.
Long story short, this is where I went through a horrific and difficult repentance process because the bishop saw right through me and with sternness and care he helped me to rid myself of all my sins. Does anyone know how difficult it is to confess terrible sins going back decades to someone you don't even know? I came very close to excommunication, but due to the fact I went and confessed on my own, the Bishop helped me over a period of a long time until I was able to receive a temple recommend. So I went from near suicide to complete peace and joy in my bosom.
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it will help those in similar circumstances, but it appears as if your depression was due to shame and guilt, not a chemical imbalance in the brain or other issue like Melissa was referring to.
Let us cover each other in a cloak of charity and strive to understand one another's burdens.
Actually my depression goes back to childhood, going from minor to severe over the years. It's kinda funny. I asked a doctor once that if I were to go off my meds how would I feel. His profound reply was "You wouldn't like it."
Depression and sin do not mix. To sin and have remorse, shame and guilt is bad enough, but to add chemical imbalance, which I do have, into the mix is sheer hell. And at one point during my repentance, I experienced the buffetings of Satan for weeks. He told me I was a son of perdition among other horrible things in an attempt to get me back into his clutches. My experiences at that time may be unique to my person because of my emotional status. To others, repentance of that scale may be much easier. However, the joy and peace in my bosom after it was all done and over with...made the experience worth it. It took nearly two years to overcome the whole experience. I even went to professional counselors for a time in order to get back some emotional stability. That was almost twenty-one years ago.
I sure know a lot more of how God thinks than before. Not all, obviously, but a lot more. This is why I defend Christ so adamantly, because of the mercy and grace and love he showed me by me finally going to confession and getting everything out on the table.
You see, here's the deal. When we confess our sins, all of them, to our bishop, Satan has no power to hold them against us after death. This is something my bishop told me. So sins that are not confessed can be used against us by Satan, especially moral issues. Satan knows us, he knows what buttons to push, he knows how we act and how we think by having his minions watching us and reporting their observances. Old Scratch will take us down however and with whatever he can. Once he gets his chains wrapped around us he drags us to hell with no conscience, but having another sense of victory. And we then are doomed to misery and pain until the day of redemption except sons of perdition. SEE: D&C 76:85 (81-86)