husband trying to recover from porn addiction

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Fiannan
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by Fiannan »

skmo wrote:
Fiannan wrote:Anyone old enough to remember going to stake dances where the song, "The Andrea True Connection - More, More, More" was played?

Did you ever actually analyze the lyrics?
I don't recall it being played at any of the stake or regional dances in Colorado, but it came out in 1976, a few years before I was old enough to go to church dances. Also, many of our church dances were emceed by members of the wards, and they knew which songs should really not be played. A song by a porn star who just recorded this so she could escape the country probably wouldn't have been played. They were pretty good at discerning. While there was a lot of AC/DC that went through my Walkman, I don't recall any at dances.
I remember it.

Most people have no idea what songs are about. By the way, do they play, "All About that Bass" at Church dances?

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skmo
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by skmo »

Fiannan wrote:Most people have no idea what songs are about.
I remember a Ricks professor saying one of his friends did their Masters thesis on Don McLean's "American Pie."
By the way, do they play, "All About that Bass" at Church dances?
Someone wrote a song about bass? Which kind? Largemouth? Smallmouth? Chilean Sea? I can't imagine a song about fish being all that good to dance to.

freedomforall
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by freedomforall »

skmo wrote:
Fiannan wrote:Most people have no idea what songs are about.
I remember a Ricks professor saying one of his friends did their Masters thesis on Don McLean's "American Pie."
By the way, do they play, "All About that Bass" at Church dances?
Someone wrote a song about bass? Which kind? Largemouth? Smallmouth? Chilean Sea? I can't imagine a song about fish being all that good to dance to.
Not about fish at all, unless one is talking about being hooked by such a crumby song.

Now here is a good song about a type of bass, also not about fish:
Last edited by freedomforall on December 4th, 2016, 4:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

freedomforall
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by freedomforall »

In response to the OP, there is a huge difference in trying to overcome and actually doing it. Recovery is not achieved by one's own will; it is achieved through the merits of Jesus Christ and the cleansing power of the Holy Ghost. We must believe Christ, that he can actually clean us up and make us sin free.

I posted a book called Putting On The Whole Armor Of God, but I guess it went ignored. The author describes how he went through hell, including almost committing suicide, in TRYING to overcome porn and everything associated with it. He discovered that he could not overcome by his own will, but that he needed to put his life in the hands of Jesus Christ and move on from there. The method detailed and revealed in the book really works. Find out how:

SEE: https://www.amazon.com/Putting-Armor-Go ... mor+of+god" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Hivetyrant36
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by Hivetyrant36 »

As a porn addict, I can tell you it isn't a constant urge. After abstaining for a day or two, the temptations start coming back. Basically, evil spirits enter the room and yell at you for 10 minutes until they don't think you will budge. Then they come back every 30 minutes for the next week. At most, I have had 9 days of peace from temptation, but after the first one hits, it persists and doesn't stop. It isn't as simple as "wanting to give it up" because if that were the case, it would be gone. It doesn't have to be every day to be an addiction. YES porn is an addiction, and that is the ONLY reason people come back to it. jbalm is set in his ways and isn't trying to become more Christlike.
Most of all, women, if you have a husband suffering from this addiction, don't push him away. The closer you are to him the better. I don't know because I've never had the privilege of a girl choosing me, but I would imagine the more I saw of the girl I loved, the less I would want to view porn. Same thing happens when I am at a good friend's house. Temptations leave. They only come when I am alone. Use my failure to help yourselves out and your spouses. Some people don't want to change though. Make sure the man you married isn't a POS narcissist like my father.

freedomforall
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by freedomforall »

Having addictions is like living with acute confusion.

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skmo
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by skmo »

freedomforall wrote:Recovery is not achieved by one's own will;
I will generally agree with this, although it would be completely accurate to say REDEMPTION is not achieved by one's own will. Recovery from addiction can be greatly helped by the Atonement, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it CAN'T be done by one's own willpower. Rare though it may be, I'm sure there are some few individuals who can tap an inner reservoir of will to beat their own weaknesses.

Nevertheless, while I do agree that recovery is usually not achieved by one's own will, it is undoubtedly impossible to achieve without one's will. The Atonement cannot save you against your will, and no one can pray you out of your unwillingness to change.

However, it is correct that we cannot be cleansed by our own will.

freedomforall
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by freedomforall »

skmo wrote:
freedomforall wrote:Recovery is not achieved by one's own will;
I will generally agree with this, although it would be completely accurate to say REDEMPTION is not achieved by one's own will. Recovery from addiction can be greatly helped by the Atonement, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it CAN'T be done by one's own willpower. Rare though it may be, I'm sure there are some few individuals who can tap an inner reservoir of will to beat their own weaknesses.

Nevertheless, while I do agree that recovery is usually not achieved by one's own will, it is undoubtedly impossible to achieve without one's will. The Atonement cannot save you against your will, and no one can pray you out of your unwillingness to change.

However, it is correct that we cannot be cleansed by our own will.
Those who try to overcome an addiction or bad habit on their own and succeed are not using the atonement. They are trying to overcome by sheer willpower without God's cleansing power in force. They still have to repent by confessing to a bishop coupled with seeking God's forgiveness, unless their bad habit is picking their nose and digesting the yield. I contend that if someone can overcome under their own willpower they aren't really addicted.

One can pick their friends and pick their own nose, but they can't pick their friend's nose. Now that would truly be a bad habit, right? #-o

I still recommend the book Putting on the Armor of God: How to Win Your Battles with Satan The process of overcoming taught therein does work. And it is a sure fire way of involving God and the atonement.

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wildad
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by wildad »

jbalm wrote:I'm a spouse. I understand that point of view very well.

Many professional therapists (even LDS ones. :-o) will give the same advice I did. Maybe you should talk to some of them, like I have, before you accuse others of ignorance.
There are many professional counselors. That doesn't mean they have a clue. If you can read this website and still not see the problems with porn then you are indeed a stubborn person.
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Fiannan
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by Fiannan »

wildad wrote:
jbalm wrote:I'm a spouse. I understand that point of view very well.

Many professional therapists (even LDS ones. :-o) will give the same advice I did. Maybe you should talk to some of them, like I have, before you accuse others of ignorance.
There are many professional counselors. That doesn't mean they have a clue. If you can read this website and still not see the problems with porn then you are indeed a stubborn person.
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
There are indeed problems. However, ironically, the article on "The Coolidge Effect" seems to suggest humans are biologically wired for polygamy.

freedomforall
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by freedomforall »

Fiannan wrote:
wildad wrote:
jbalm wrote:I'm a spouse. I understand that point of view very well.

Many professional therapists (even LDS ones. :-o) will give the same advice I did. Maybe you should talk to some of them, like I have, before you accuse others of ignorance.
There are many professional counselors. That doesn't mean they have a clue. If you can read this website and still not see the problems with porn then you are indeed a stubborn person.
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
There are indeed problems. However, ironically, the article on "The Coolidge Effect" seems to suggest humans are biologically wired for polygamy.
In your wildest dreams, Fiannan, in your most wildest dreams.
I'm so sure that a man wired for polygamy would be so very happy to have multiple wives...and not be able to perform. Diabetes and ED, sometimes severe, are no combination to have even with one wife. Men are so cocky and proud in thinking they can have many wives and make sex a daily activity. One woman can bear the loss of intimacy, but a whole harem, good luck with that. ED is about as much fun as racing a car having a high horse power engine with no pistons in it.

Men with ED will quote this poem:

My headlights are going dim
my taillights are going out
what used to be my sex appeal
is now my water spout.

Fiannan
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by Fiannan »

freedomforall wrote:
Fiannan wrote:
wildad wrote:
jbalm wrote:I'm a spouse. I understand that point of view very well.

Many professional therapists (even LDS ones. :-o) will give the same advice I did. Maybe you should talk to some of them, like I have, before you accuse others of ignorance.
There are many professional counselors. That doesn't mean they have a clue. If you can read this website and still not see the problems with porn then you are indeed a stubborn person.
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
There are indeed problems. However, ironically, the article on "The Coolidge Effect" seems to suggest humans are biologically wired for polygamy.
In your wildest dreams, Fiannan, in your most wildest dreams.
I'm so sure that a man wired for polygamy would be so very happy to have multiple wives...and not be able to perform. Diabetes and ED, sometimes severe, are no combination to have even with one wife. Men are so cocky and proud in thinking they can have many wives and make sex a daily activity. One woman can bear the loss of intimacy, but a whole harem, good luck with that. ED is about as much fun as racing a car having a high horse power engine with no pistons in it.

Men with ED will quote this poem:

My headlights are going dim
my taillights are going out
what used to be my sex appeal
is now my water spout.
I have no clue about what you are bringing up here. ED? What does Mr. Ed have to do with polygamy unless we are discussing Emperor Caligula.

What of those men who have been blessed with fantastic health? I have had women half my age comment that I must not be human due to my endurance in athletics and ability to be active in either extreme cold weather, etc. I have also had a few ask me if I am Illuminati but that is a different matter. ;)

Maybe it comes from having a lot of Irish blood. In the old days, once a chieftain was unable to perform his wives would sacrifice him. Maybe that bred in some good genes.

Now, if your comment about Mr. Ed was not about Mr. Ed then please explain.

freedomforall
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by freedomforall »

Fiannan wrote:
freedomforall wrote:
Fiannan wrote:
wildad wrote: There are many professional counselors. That doesn't mean they have a clue. If you can read this website and still not see the problems with porn then you are indeed a stubborn person.
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
There are indeed problems. However, ironically, the article on "The Coolidge Effect" seems to suggest humans are biologically wired for polygamy.
In your wildest dreams, Fiannan, in your most wildest dreams.
I'm so sure that a man wired for polygamy would be so very happy to have multiple wives...and not be able to perform. Diabetes and ED, sometimes severe, are no combination to have even with one wife. Men are so cocky and proud in thinking they can have many wives and make sex a daily activity. One woman can bear the loss of intimacy, but a whole harem, good luck with that. ED is about as much fun as racing a car having a high horse power engine with no pistons in it.

Men with ED will quote this poem:

My headlights are going dim
my taillights are going out
what used to be my sex appeal
is now my water spout.
I have no clue about what you are bringing up here. ED? What does Mr. Ed have to do with polygamy unless we are discussing Emperor Caligula.

What of those men who have been blessed with fantastic health? I have had women half my age comment that I must not be human due to my endurance in athletics and ability to be active in either extreme cold weather, etc. I have also had a few ask me if I am Illuminati but that is a different matter. ;)

Maybe it comes from having a lot of Irish blood. In the old days, once a chieftain was unable to perform his wives would sacrifice him. Maybe that bred in some good genes.

Now, if your comment about Mr. Ed was not about Mr. Ed then please explain.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erectile_dysfunction" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

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shadow
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by shadow »

Fiannan wrote: I have had women half my age comment that I must not be human due to my endurance in athletics and ability to be active in either extreme cold weather, etc.
:X ;;) :YMDAYDREAM:

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passionflower
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by passionflower »

shadow wrote:
Fiannan wrote: I have had women half my age comment that I must not be human due to my endurance in athletics and ability to be active in either extreme cold weather, etc.
:X ;;) :YMDAYDREAM:
=))

Fiannan
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by Fiannan »

What does this have to do with polygamy?

A guy with this problem should probably avoid polygamy once it is re-established. ;)

freedomforall
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by freedomforall »

Fiannan wrote:
What does this have to do with polygamy?

A guy with this problem should probably avoid polygamy once it is re-established. ;)
40 wives and around 253 adopted children, This way abortion can be minimized. And for travel? Several of these fine machines for family outings, and church activities.
brigham_brougham.jpg
brigham_brougham.jpg (107.61 KiB) Viewed 4818 times

The hypothetical quantities of wives and children are all relative.

Fiannan
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by Fiannan »

How the Church could remain inter-generational with so many women to every male, assuming monogamy remains the rule:

1) Those women who do get married have families of at least six children.

2) All single LDS women upon reaching age 35, and who are single with no prospects, go in and have two children through artificial insemination.

3) There is no option #3.

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kittycat51
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by kittycat51 »

freedomforall wrote:
skmo wrote:
freedomforall wrote:Recovery is not achieved by one's own will;
I will generally agree with this, although it would be completely accurate to say REDEMPTION is not achieved by one's own will. Recovery from addiction can be greatly helped by the Atonement, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it CAN'T be done by one's own willpower. Rare though it may be, I'm sure there are some few individuals who can tap an inner reservoir of will to beat their own weaknesses.

Nevertheless, while I do agree that recovery is usually not achieved by one's own will, it is undoubtedly impossible to achieve without one's will. The Atonement cannot save you against your will, and no one can pray you out of your unwillingness to change.

However, it is correct that we cannot be cleansed by our own will.
Those who try to overcome an addiction or bad habit on their own and succeed are not using the atonement. They are trying to overcome by sheer willpower without God's cleansing power in force. They still have to repent by confessing to a bishop coupled with seeking God's forgiveness, unless their bad habit is picking their nose and digesting the yield. I contend that if someone can overcome under their own willpower they aren't really addicted.

One can pick their friends and pick their own nose, but they can't pick their friend's nose. Now that would truly be a bad habit, right? #-o

I still recommend the book Putting on the Armor of God: How to Win Your Battles with Satan The process of overcoming taught therein does work. And it is a sure fire way of involving God and the atonement.
The book you mention is a GREAT book that every home should have in my mind. We live in a day and age that very few will be lucky to never come in contact with porn in some shape or form with all of its ugly tentacles. If you or your child has any access to any type of electronic device, it's not a matter of IF but WHEN. I was surfing my phone recently and was re-directed to a page of which was NOT what I was looking for. The most vial photo came up and I was shocked, it physically sickened me. If it happened to me why not my boys? This is Satan's best tool in our day to pull our families apart. The problem is rampant, and for parents to believe "not my child" think again. I have heard from bishop's who serve in BYU singles wards; many RM's are dealing with this problem.

The answer to staying safe lies in knowing ahead of time how we will respond to such filth...AND many times it's easier said than done. "Putting on the Armor of God" goes beyond telling a person "just don't do it" but rather gives many inspired helps and ideas in dealing with, overcoming and avoiding this temptation. Another great book is "Like Dragons did they Fight" by Maurice W. Harker. I have both of these books and have encouraged my teenagers to read them.

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Robin Hood
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

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jsk
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by jsk »

Fiannan wrote:How the Church could remain inter-generational with so many women to every male, assuming monogamy remains the rule:

1) Those women who do get married have families of at least six children.

2) All single LDS women upon reaching age 35, and who are single with no prospects, go in and have two children through artificial insemination.

3) There is no option #3.
The Church Handbook of Instruction for Bishops and Stake Presidents very clearly states that single LDS women who are artificially inseminated are subject to Church discipline. In many of your other posts, you make it clear that you view the bringing of children into the world as something that is to be condoned and encouraged under any circumstance. However, I'm drawing the conclusion that what you are suggesting must be a pretty big deal to the Lord, that he doesn't share your belief that children should be brought into the world under any and all circumstances (although he won't interfere with a person's agency if this is what they choose to do), and that he communicated this very clearly to his appointed servants (thus the reason for inclusion of this policy in the Handbook). Certainly the Lord's ways are not my ways, and I don't pretend to always understand the reasons behind them. But I also am not so arrogant as to try and counsel counsel the Lord and tell him what or how he should think on such matters, particularly where His will has been made known. You, on the other hand, keep talking about artificial insemination of LDS single women as if it isn't a big deal...maybe consider that you don't know everything and that it may in fact be a much bigger deal than you realize (and in my mind it obviously is).

Fiannan
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by Fiannan »

jsk wrote:
Fiannan wrote:How the Church could remain inter-generational with so many women to every male, assuming monogamy remains the rule:

1) Those women who do get married have families of at least six children.

2) All single LDS women upon reaching age 35, and who are single with no prospects, go in and have two children through artificial insemination.

3) There is no option #3.
The Church Handbook of Instruction for Bishops and Stake Presidents very clearly states that single LDS women who are artificially inseminated are subject to Church discipline. In many of your other posts, you make it clear that you view the bringing of children into the world as something that is to be condoned and encouraged under any circumstance. However, I'm drawing the conclusion that what you are suggesting must be a pretty big deal to the Lord, that he doesn't share your belief that children should be brought into the world under any and all circumstances (although he won't interfere with a person's agency if this is what they choose to do), and that he communicated this very clearly to his appointed servants (thus the reason for inclusion of this policy in the Handbook). Certainly the Lord's ways are not my ways, and I don't pretend to always understand the reasons behind them. But I also am not so arrogant as to try and counsel counsel the Lord and tell him what or how he should think on such matters, particularly where His will has been made known. You, on the other hand, keep talking about artificial insemination of LDS single women as if it isn't a big deal...maybe consider that you don't know everything and that it may in fact be a much bigger deal than you realize (and in my mind it obviously is).
Several points to consider, if we are to go by the handbook:

1) There is no penalty for a worthy LDS man to donate sperm or a worthy LDS woman to donate eggs.

2) There is no penalty for a couple, in which one is infertile or carries a genetic disorder, to go to a fertility clinic and obtain eggs or sperm from unknown donors.

3) Any children born of couples obtaining donor sperm or eggs, upon the birth of children, those children are sealed to the couple automatically as if they were their total genetic offspring.

jsk
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by jsk »

Why wouldn't we go by the Handbook?

I can't recall if what you've outlined in (1) thru (3) is correct...I'll check later when I have time.

But...once again...you are skirting the real issue via deflection.

Do you have ADD?

I ask because you seem to have trouble staying on topic.

But I suspect that is just a debating tactic to try and obfuscate the issue, which is how you are continually promoting artificial insemination by single LDS women as if that would be some kind of great thing when in fact the Lord has apparently revealed that such actions are not pleasing to him and that any single LDS woman that engage in such activity is subject to church discipline. This is no small thing although I suppose you will try and minimize it by saying that someone who drinks coffee is also subject to church discipline.

So...you apparently either didn't realize this...which I doubt...or you knew it but for some reason think you are wiser than the Lord and seek to counsel him.

How about a straight answer? Go on...you can say it...you think the Handbook is incorrect and that artificial insemination of single LDS women is perfectly fine. It is obvious you believe it...so go ahead and say it. But just remember that by doing so, you are essentially saying that you think the Brethren are in error, that this doesn't come from the Lord, that He thinks artificial insemination of single LDS women is wonderful. Assuming this is the case, I would be very interested to know on what basis you believe you know the will of the Lord better than the Brethren.

freedomforall
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by freedomforall »

This forum is a Pro-LDS site. It is evident that some forum members have their own beliefs, express them here and expect others to think of sexual sin as a normal practice, even to the extent of promoting sin relentlessly.

There are two ways of doing things, 1) our way, and 2) God's way. Our way includes succumbing to Satan's vast array of ways to get people to sin, to adopt carnal practices and call them good and okay. God's way is to have virtue garnish our thoughts unceasingly, overcoming temptation and repenting often.

No one can serve two masters, one good, the other evil. Likewise, no one can enter into heaven with one foot in hell. The good person is supposed to be engaged in good works and being cleansed from all sin, to become meek and holy, pure without spot.

And for those bent on subverting the requirements of God, just don't get it.

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Melissa
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Post by Melissa »

freedomforall wrote:
skmo wrote:
freedomforall wrote:Recovery is not achieved by one's own will;
I will generally agree with this, although it would be completely accurate to say REDEMPTION is not achieved by one's own will. Recovery from addiction can be greatly helped by the Atonement, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it CAN'T be done by one's own willpower. Rare though it may be, I'm sure there are some few individuals who can tap an inner reservoir of will to beat their own weaknesses.

Nevertheless, while I do agree that recovery is usually not achieved by one's own will, it is undoubtedly impossible to achieve without one's will. The Atonement cannot save you against your will, and no one can pray you out of your unwillingness to change.

However, it is correct that we cannot be cleansed by our own will.
Those who try to overcome an addiction or bad habit on their own and succeed are not using the atonement. They are trying to overcome by sheer willpower without God's cleansing power in force. They still have to repent by confessing to a bishop coupled with seeking God's forgiveness, unless their bad habit is picking their nose and digesting the yield. I contend that if someone can overcome under their own willpower they aren't really addicted.

One can pick their friends and pick their own nose, but they can't pick their friend's nose. Now that would truly be a bad habit, right? #-o

I still recommend the book Putting on the Armor of God: How to Win Your Battles with Satan The process of overcoming taught therein does work. And it is a sure fire way of involving God and the atonement.
I have to say something about your post here. It seems that your answer only applies to lds members. There are people who don't see a bishop to confess their addictions nor do they rely on the atonement in the sense that lds people do yet, they overcome many obstacles and problems and even addictions.

Please don't forget that we are humans but we are strong and have the power and ability within us to crush the head of satan.

My grandfather had a serious drinking problem and wouldn't quit. He was a war vet and not a member of our church and possibly not any church. He was presented with a do or die ultimatum by his wife and he never touched alcohol again. He loved his wife more than alcohol regardless of whatever power it had over him, he had more power found within his ability to love, which God blesses.

The singer P!nk, clearly not lds, was on drugs ( multiple drugs) starting at age 12 or something. She wanted to be a singer more than anything so when she was asked to sing at a night club but had to be sober, she quit everything and never touched it again.

We need the savior yes, we cannot make it without him. But, we do have power and I think way too many people don't tap into it!!!

A man can stop porn use if he wanted to with or without a bishop involved. A man CAN chose to not look at it. This doesn't mean that he won't be in despair and agony (the price we pay for sin) but he doesn't want to feel those horrible feelings so he says he can't stop. REALLY? He can! It's just not easy. Many people everyday go through their own garden of Gethsemane BY CHOICE to conquer and overcome either by their own sins or sins committed against them. It's a choice to be strong and it's a choice to be in control of your actions, sins blinds people's ability to see correctly and porn especially criples a man's confidence and self worth. This is where a bishop/counselor can help. To remind them they can do it. It's a choice to get in and it's a choice to get out. No way around it.

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