Getting Back Into Dating

[Fiannan]

By the way, I have been quite active in the anti-porn movement but when the Church went hysterical with the issue I knew where it would lead. Sadly many LDS women acted in the same way towards this issue as a pack of hungry hyenas would if you threw a side of beef in front of them. This was their excuse to pry and find any evidence of their hubby looking at porn so they could stay heroes in their wards but leave their husbands. Sometimes Satan uses good intentions to gain his objectives and boy did he ever in regards to this issue.

[tdj]

I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.

Dump him. Seriously. These are the months with someone people are on their BEST behavior. It's not going to get any better from here on out, and if this is the best he can offer you... umm, no.

Besides, if someone lies or is dishonest with you, then it means they don't respect you. Trust me, you don't want to be with a man who doesn't respect you.

[tdj]

By the way, I have been quite active in the anti-porn movement but when the Church went hysterical with the issue I knew where it would lead. Sadly many LDS women acted in the same way towards this issue as a pack of hungry hyenas would if you threw a side of beef in front of them. This was their excuse to pry and find any evidence of their hubby looking at porn so they could stay heroes in their wards but leave their husbands. Sometimes Satan uses good intentions to gain his objectives and boy did he ever in regards to this issue.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like or agree with porn. Especially since I've reached the age where I no longer resemble those women as much as I used too , but I'm curious on why it seems that the one's who are making such a big deal over it are the women? I don't hear much from men, who tend to be the group most affected with the addiction. It's ALWAYS the women. The men are pretty quiet on the subject.

Personally, I think it's more of a jealously thing. The women aren't in the best of shape after having so many kids, and they are resentful that the husbands don't look at them like they're hunks of meat anymore. They'd rather look at some young hot looking chick on a piece of paper like she's a hunk of meat. I'd be pretty upset also. But the men need to be just as vocal about this as well.

[tdj]

Of course I am familiar with the cost of housing in CA. I was simply pointing out that you painted the situation with a very broad brush. A high cost of living doesn't make it okay to live with your estranged spouse while you date others. So, no, I guess I don't understand "where they are coming from."

Yeah, say that when you are living in a cardboard box, or in your van down by the river.

[Crackers]

Of course I am familiar with the cost of housing in CA. I was simply pointing out that you painted the situation with a very broad brush. A high cost of living doesn't make it okay to live with your estranged spouse while you date others. So, no, I guess I don't understand "where they are coming from."

Yeah, say that when you are living in a cardboard box, or in your van down by the river.

Ok

[tdj]

Of course I am familiar with the cost of housing in CA. I was simply pointing out that you painted the situation with a very broad brush. A high cost of living doesn't make it okay to live with your estranged spouse while you date others. So, no, I guess I don't understand "where they are coming from."

Yeah, say that when you are living in a cardboard box, or in your van down by the river.

Ok

I'm just saying that for some people, living arrangements aren't really choices so much as necessities.

[Crackers]

Of course I am familiar with the cost of housing in CA. I was simply pointing out that you painted the situation with a very broad brush. A high cost of living doesn't make it okay to live with your estranged spouse while you date others. So, no, I guess I don't understand "where they are coming from."

Yeah, say that when you are living in a cardboard box, or in your van down by the river.

Ok

I'm just saying that for some people, living arrangements aren't really choices so much as necessities.

Sure, but they can choose not to date other people until they are divorced. Morality is not relative to one's economic status.

[harakim]

I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.

I used to have a rule that every Trax ride, I had to strike up a conversation with the girl I was most afraid to talk to. One time, I was flirting with a trax girl, most beautiful and fair above all other trax girls. She was smart and also German/Scandinavian. I was making her laugh and we had so much in common. Things were going along swimmingly. Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number." I did precisely that... and pondered upon his wisdom for years thereafter. I hope she found someone good, but I did end up finding someone perfect for me.

So you should drop him like a sack of bricks.

As a side note, any single people on this forum should take Trax and do as I did.

[tdj]

I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.

I used to have a rule that every Trax ride, I had to strike up a conversation with the girl I was most afraid to talk to. One time, I was flirting with a trax girl, most beautiful and fair above all other trax girls. She was smart and also German/Scandinavian. I was making her laugh and we had so much in common. Things were going along swimmingly. Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number." I did precisely that... and pondered upon his wisdom for years thereafter. I hope she found someone good, but I did end up finding someone perfect for me.

So you should drop him like a sack of bricks.

As a side note, any single people on this forum should take Trax and do as I did.

Gee, your friend sounds like a real piece of work. I'm glad MY husband didn't adopt THAT attitude from his "friends" when he was waiting on my divorce to pass the six month mark. I guess we're just damaged goods, huh? Not pure or holy enough.

Her boyfriend LIED to her for months on end. Your association told you pretty much up front before even the first date. And you wrote her off??

Then again maybe it was SHE who dodged the bullet.

[David13]

I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.

I used to have a rule that every Trax ride, I had to strike up a conversation with the girl I was most afraid to talk to. One time, I was flirting with a trax girl, most beautiful and fair above all other trax girls. She was smart and also German/Scandinavian. I was making her laugh and we had so much in common. Things were going along swimmingly. Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number." I did precisely that... and pondered upon his wisdom for years thereafter. I hope she found someone good, but I did end up finding someone perfect for me.

So you should drop him like a sack of bricks.

As a side note, any single people on this forum should take Trax and do as I did.

Man, if I had any idea of what Trax was, I'd be all over it like a glove.
dc

[BeNotDeceived]

Man, if I had any idea of what Trax was, I'd be all over it like a glove.
dc

Kinda, sorta like This.

Except runs north-south rather than east-west.

Maybe those South of the border could also catch a ride, and that would really make things interesting.

[harakim]

I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.

I used to have a rule that every Trax ride, I had to strike up a conversation with the girl I was most afraid to talk to. One time, I was flirting with a trax girl, most beautiful and fair above all other trax girls. She was smart and also German/Scandinavian. I was making her laugh and we had so much in common. Things were going along swimmingly. Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number." I did precisely that... and pondered upon his wisdom for years thereafter. I hope she found someone good, but I did end up finding someone perfect for me.

So you should drop him like a sack of bricks.

As a side note, any single people on this forum should take Trax and do as I did.

Man, if I had any idea of what Trax was, I'd be all over it like a glove.
dc

It's this:
https://c2.staticflickr.com/4/3081/3800 ... 2776_b.jpg
The only part of this that works.

[harakim]

I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.

I used to have a rule that every Trax ride, I had to strike up a conversation with the girl I was most afraid to talk to. One time, I was flirting with a trax girl, most beautiful and fair above all other trax girls. She was smart and also German/Scandinavian. I was making her laugh and we had so much in common. Things were going along swimmingly. Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number." I did precisely that... and pondered upon his wisdom for years thereafter. I hope she found someone good, but I did end up finding someone perfect for me.

So you should drop him like a sack of bricks.

As a side note, any single people on this forum should take Trax and do as I did.

Gee, your friend sounds like a real piece of work. I'm glad MY husband didn't adopt THAT attitude from his "friends" when he was waiting on my divorce to pass the six month mark. I guess we're just damaged goods, huh? Not pure or holy enough.

Her boyfriend LIED to her for months on end. Your association told you pretty much up front before even the first date. And you wrote her off??

Then again maybe it was SHE who dodged the bullet.

Calm down there lady. I never said I feel like she was damaged goods. I said I hope (when she was finally not married) she found someone good.

[tdj]

I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.

I used to have a rule that every Trax ride, I had to strike up a conversation with the girl I was most afraid to talk to. One time, I was flirting with a trax girl, most beautiful and fair above all other trax girls. She was smart and also German/Scandinavian. I was making her laugh and we had so much in common. Things were going along swimmingly. Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number." I did precisely that... and pondered upon his wisdom for years thereafter. I hope she found someone good, but I did end up finding someone perfect for me.

So you should drop him like a sack of bricks.

As a side note, any single people on this forum should take Trax and do as I did.

Gee, your friend sounds like a real piece of work. I'm glad MY husband didn't adopt THAT attitude from his "friends" when he was waiting on my divorce to pass the six month mark. I guess we're just damaged goods, huh? Not pure or holy enough.

Her boyfriend LIED to her for months on end. Your association told you pretty much up front before even the first date. And you wrote her off??

Then again maybe it was SHE who dodged the bullet.

Calm down there lady. I never said I feel like she was damaged goods. I said I hope (when she was finally not married) she found someone good.

Sorry, yes I will try to calm down. It's just having been in the position the woman you spoke with was in, the thought of someone doing what you did is just horrifying and sad. Hopefully, she never caught on to WHY you didn't call her, and simply forgot all about you.

Her divorce was ONE WEEK from being finalized. You couldn't wait one week?

As far as the other poster on here asking about her situation, I also suggested she dump him. Not JUST because he wasn't divorced, but because he led her on for so long and wouldn't TELL her that he wasn't divorced. They had become emotionally intimate, and were in the process of discussing plans for their future, which I'm assuming also involved a wedding.

That seems a far cry different then what happened to you. If you simply had a conversation with this woman on the bus, then she did nothing wrong to you. If anything, she was above and beyond honorable in telling you ahead of time before waiting for you to develop an emotional attachment. Actually, ironically, it would have taken longer for you to develop that attachment, then it would for the divorce to be done.

I guess I just don't get your friends logic. At all.

[PressingForward]

the OP so far never said she asked the guy she was dating if he was married. She dumped him due to a rumor from a “highly reliable” source. The guy seems lucky in my book!

[tdj]

the OP so far never said she asked the guy she was dating if he was married. She dumped him due to a rumor from a “highly reliable” source. The guy seems lucky in my book!

It could have been her bishop that told her. Should she not trust her bishop? Still, I think it's best if she had spoken with him directly, true. But the other situation I was responding too didn't exactly meet the criteria of anyone being deceived, which is why I'm perplexed at the reaction.

[PressingForward]

the OP so far never said she asked the guy she was dating if he was married. She dumped him due to a rumor from a “highly reliable” source. The guy seems lucky in my book!

It could have been her bishop that told her. Should she not trust her bishop? Still, I think it's best if she had spoken with him directly, true. But the other situation I was responding too didn't exactly meet the criteria of anyone being deceived, which is why I'm perplexed at the reaction.

Highly reliable sources have been wrong before, even Bishops. I was not commenting about your post, but all the posts in general judging this man by the rumor mill alone.

[harakim]

I used to have a rule that every Trax ride, I had to strike up a conversation with the girl I was most afraid to talk to. One time, I was flirting with a trax girl, most beautiful and fair above all other trax girls. She was smart and also German/Scandinavian. I was making her laugh and we had so much in common. Things were going along swimmingly. Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number." I did precisely that... and pondered upon his wisdom for years thereafter. I hope she found someone good, but I did end up finding someone perfect for me.

So you should drop him like a sack of bricks.

As a side note, any single people on this forum should take Trax and do as I did.

Gee, your friend sounds like a real piece of work. I'm glad MY husband didn't adopt THAT attitude from his "friends" when he was waiting on my divorce to pass the six month mark. I guess we're just damaged goods, huh? Not pure or holy enough.

Her boyfriend LIED to her for months on end. Your association told you pretty much up front before even the first date. And you wrote her off??

Then again maybe it was SHE who dodged the bullet.

Calm down there lady. I never said I feel like she was damaged goods. I said I hope (when she was finally not married) she found someone good.

Sorry, yes I will try to calm down. It's just having been in the position the woman you spoke with was in, the thought of someone doing what you did is just horrifying and sad. Hopefully, she never caught on to WHY you didn't call her, and simply forgot all about you.

Her divorce was ONE WEEK from being finalized. You couldn't wait one week?

As far as the other poster on here asking about her situation, I also suggested she dump him. Not JUST because he wasn't divorced, but because he led her on for so long and wouldn't TELL her that he wasn't divorced. They had become emotionally intimate, and were in the process of discussing plans for their future, which I'm assuming also involved a wedding.

That seems a far cry different then what happened to you. If you simply had a conversation with this woman on the bus, then she did nothing wrong to you. If anything, she was above and beyond honorable in telling you ahead of time before waiting for you to develop an emotional attachment. Actually, ironically, it would have taken longer for you to develop that attachment, then it would for the divorce to be done.

I guess I just don't get your friends logic. At all.

I feel like for him it was more about the fact she would be interested in a guy when she was still married. Interestingly enough, if the OP were in the same situation I was in, I would not have posted anything because I wouldn't want to sway her opinion.
I feel like she was hesitant and even perhaps fearful of leaving. I was more hoping to give her the courage to see that she could go on and live a happy life without this particular guy. Since my situation was not nearly as egregious as hers - in my opinion - it demonstrates that even without the negative baggage of deception, it is not going to be harmful to leave so WITH that baggage it should be an obvious choice.
That friend of mine gives really good advice, which is why I followed it in spite of it being counter-intuitive. I am not making any claims that his advice should be taken by anyone but me.

[tdj]

Gee, your friend sounds like a real piece of work. I'm glad MY husband didn't adopt THAT attitude from his "friends" when he was waiting on my divorce to pass the six month mark. I guess we're just damaged goods, huh? Not pure or holy enough.

Her boyfriend LIED to her for months on end. Your association told you pretty much up front before even the first date. And you wrote her off??

Then again maybe it was SHE who dodged the bullet.

Calm down there lady. I never said I feel like she was damaged goods. I said I hope (when she was finally not married) she found someone good.

Sorry, yes I will try to calm down. It's just having been in the position the woman you spoke with was in, the thought of someone doing what you did is just horrifying and sad. Hopefully, she never caught on to WHY you didn't call her, and simply forgot all about you.

Her divorce was ONE WEEK from being finalized. You couldn't wait one week?

As far as the other poster on here asking about her situation, I also suggested she dump him. Not JUST because he wasn't divorced, but because he led her on for so long and wouldn't TELL her that he wasn't divorced. They had become emotionally intimate, and were in the process of discussing plans for their future, which I'm assuming also involved a wedding.

That seems a far cry different then what happened to you. If you simply had a conversation with this woman on the bus, then she did nothing wrong to you. If anything, she was above and beyond honorable in telling you ahead of time before waiting for you to develop an emotional attachment. Actually, ironically, it would have taken longer for you to develop that attachment, then it would for the divorce to be done.

I guess I just don't get your friends logic. At all.

I feel like for him it was more about the fact she would be interested in a guy when she was still married. Interestingly enough, if the OP were in the same situation I was in, I would not have posted anything because I wouldn't want to sway her opinion.
I feel like she was hesitant and even perhaps fearful of leaving. I was more hoping to give her the courage to see that she could go on and live a happy life without this particular guy. Since my situation was not nearly as egregious as hers - in my opinion - it demonstrates that even without the negative baggage of deception, it is not going to be harmful to leave so WITH that baggage it should be an obvious choice.
That friend of mine gives really good advice, which is why I followed it in spite of it being counter-intuitive. I am not making any claims that his advice should be taken by anyone but me.

Ok, that clears it up a bit. Still, the part about her being interested in a guy while still married doesn't hold water in this case. She was ONE WEEK from not being married, so her deciding to prepare to move on with her life is hardly the same at all. It's just not the same. This just sort of reminds me about Jesus, when he berates the scribes and pharisees about being so darn judgmental about following the letter of the law, that they miss out on the bigger picture.

[Silver Pie]

Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number."

Now I'm curious. Did your friend know this lady? I mean, she was upfront about getting a divorce and was not willing to date until after the divorce was finalized. To me, that means your friend knew this lady and knew she was bad news, because the evidence suggests that she was the type to be honest, honorable, and faithful.

[Silver Pie]

I am not making any claims that his advice should be taken by anyone but me.

Well, since you ended up with someone really good, this was probably how it was meant to be. Even if she was really a good, honest, upright person she was not necessarily the right person for you.

[tdj]

Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number."

Now I'm curious. Did your friend know this lady? I mean, she was upfront about getting a divorce and was not willing to date until after the divorce was finalized. To me, that means your friend knew this lady and knew she was bad news, because the evidence suggests that she was the type to be honest, honorable, and faithful.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. After I calmed down a bit I figured there MUST be more to this story.

[harakim]

Then I got off the train and asked for her number. She gave it to me says: "My divorce won't be finalized for another week but if you call after that, we can go out."

I had every intention of doing just that. I happened to be at the gym with my friend later, so I naturally told him about it - in as neutral a way as possible. He said, "You've got to burn that number."

Now I'm curious. Did your friend know this lady? I mean, she was upfront about getting a divorce and was not willing to date until after the divorce was finalized. To me, that means your friend knew this lady and knew she was bad news, because the evidence suggests that she was the type to be honest, honorable, and faithful.

Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. After I calmed down a bit I figured there MUST be more to this story.

It seems unlikely. She had a Denver area code.

[tdj]

Yeah, say that when you are living in a cardboard box, or in your van down by the river.

Ok

I'm just saying that for some people, living arrangements aren't really choices so much as necessities.

Sure, but they can choose not to date other people until they are divorced. Morality is not relative to one's economic status.

In God's eyes, they may very well be divorced. As far as the govt part of it, the govt has pretty much treated the marriage certificate as a roll of toilet paper anyway with the disgusting decision concerning homosexual marriage, so honestly, I don't know how much stock God puts in the govt issued marriage certificate anymore. Or if he ever did. I think what he cares about is the vows made. I know the church does temple marriages, but does it also do temple divorces?

[Silver Pie]

I know the church does temple marriages, but does it also do temple divorces?

Yes. They are "cancellation of sealings." I know because I got one.