Getting Back Into Dating

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Spazghetti
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Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Spazghetti » Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:38 pm

I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.

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bethany
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby bethany » Mon Dec 18, 2017 3:08 pm

Wow. Run. My husband's quote: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. He lied. About something really big.

MMbelieve
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby MMbelieve » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:31 pm

Honesty is key. If you asked him and he denied, then it's not a good thing. And he probably shouldn't be dating if he's not technically divorced. I say, don't do gossip stuff go straight to him and ask. If he's not divorced then tell him you won't date him until it's finalized, if he's a good man he will honor that.

But really, he shouldn't be seriously dating or dating at all not being divorced, he's still under covenant with his wife.

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby MMbelieve » Mon Dec 18, 2017 4:33 pm

I will also add that if he does it to his legal wife, he would do it to you. Try not to get attached to a man who's married, what if the divorce doesn't pan out?

JK4Woods
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby JK4Woods » Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:09 pm

sheep in wolves clothing...

"a lie is any communication, or lack of communication, with the intent to deceive..."
Elder Marvin J Ashton of the Twelve

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Meili
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Meili » Mon Dec 18, 2017 5:23 pm

I dated a man who wasn't legally divorced and he went back to his wife. I don't personally feel it's morally wrong but it was an issue for him and his wife. She would have been hurt to find out. I don't know if she ever did find out. They ended up getting the divorce later on.

I guess for me it's more an issue of whether or not the relationship is truly over. Clearly it wasn't in that case and that could have caused problems.
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David13
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby David13 » Mon Dec 18, 2017 8:23 pm

That's something he should have revealed right up front, from the git go. If he didn't it's just plain not an honest man.
dc

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farmerchick
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby farmerchick » Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:02 pm

Just because he is active doesn't mean he is honest, truthful, faithful ect. You've been given the right advice...... don't run..... sprint and don't look back. Being single from 32 thru 41, I found out most all of the good ones are taken. I was taken back by the problems I found when dating divorced returned missionaries. After going through dozens of them, over a five year period, I settled on a good and honorable non LDS man. Not saying that is your answer, but I did expect more from the members I dated than what I got. From serious porn problems, a couple of two timers, financially fraudulent, to not paying their child support, most in my opinion were not honorable, even though they said they were! I would say all of them had college degrees and then some, but they were all divorced for a reason. It seems the ones that were attracted to me, had the problems not their ex wives. I'm sure there are some good ones with crazy ex wives, but I didn't find that. Just my 2 cents. Hopefully times have changed.

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby MMbelieve » Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:24 am

farmerchick wrote:
Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:02 pm
Just because he is active doesn't mean he is honest, truthful, faithful ect. You've been given the right advice...... don't run..... sprint and don't look back. Being single from 32 thru 41, I found out most all of the good ones are taken. I was taken back by the problems I found when dating divorced returned missionaries. After going through dozens of them, over a five year period, I settled on a good and honorable non LDS man. Not saying that is your answer, but I did expect more from the members I dated than what I got. From serious porn problems, a couple of two timers, financially fraudulent, to not paying their child support, most in my opinion were not honorable, even though they said they were! I would say all of them had college degrees and then some, but they were all divorced for a reason. It seems the ones that were attracted to me, had the problems not their ex wives. I'm sure there are some good ones with crazy ex wives, but I didn't find that. Just my 2 cents. Hopefully times have changed.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Often men blame women for the outcomes of divorce and I just can't believe that women are really to blame for as much as men blame them for.
And your experience has confirmed what I suspected, men are divorced for a "reason". I don't see women as the type to want to break a family apart, afterall her base nature is to build the family and unite in love and care. If a woman is willing to divorce and take her children away, I believe it's for a good reason.

Anyway, mixing up this thread with the feminist thread, haha. I was just happy to see some real experience given as to what it's like, just tired of men hating on women so much and not being responsible for their own part and actions.

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby gardener4life » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:29 am

So if you really think this is the person you are supposed to be with....? (You shouldn't tell us but pray about it. Talk to Heavenly Father. The truth is there's no one on the Earth without some kind of baggage or they wouldn't be here.)

**I suppose you have to ask, how repentant are they?**

Normally I wouldn't content to defend a person like this. I still don't like it. It's too easy for people to not want to divorce and still have more than one love interest if they can get away with it.

But here is something to think about;

People who have kids and property sometimes feel like that if they try to get a divorce it will potentially make some family members homeless. (And it can if the other parent is irresponsible.) So some people are starting to think we can be totally separate but just we'll have a house in the same name so the kids or whoever we're taking care off won't starve. (And most states force you to divide up the house, property if there's a legal record of the divorce.) This could be the worry of that person, though I am not justifying it. The nature of courts and especially family law courts now is that people know they should get a divorce but they see that if they end up paying alimony then the other person receiving the alimony for cause of wickedness can end up turning the whole family upside down and send destruction to the family because of some people going without. (I'm not saying all alimony is like that. There situations where it may be needed or some other form of support, but some situations if its the person that has the most problems receiving the money then the family is literally going to get wrecked if they proceed.)

So what I want to say here, our society is so fragile and unbalanced in keeping income and property that a lot of people want to do the right thing but are rightly so scared. The damage from a court can literally make people unable to support themselves or others. A few years ago one of the workers at a company I worked for somehow the court had messed up and was charging him 2/3 of his paycheck for child support. And his paycheck actually wasn't even enough to pay rent to begin with. He had to beg other workers to let him sleep in the truck or on their couch. (That's not supposed to happen...there's supposed to be a cap.)

(Also bear in mind, mutual agreements in family law, etc are usually less burdensome and if you have your own agreement courts may honor that instead of duking it out with selfish lawyers that only care for their own piece of the pie. (And if there is real estate especially the lawyers will be salivating to death.) This could help if that's the case; to know that working your own agreement might between the person and their ex, if you go down this route further.) (Also if the person not divorced to this person finds out he's doing it to move on and has someone they may raise the jealousy switch for no reason and cause trouble so telling them what's going on isn't a good idea necessarily.)

In my mind the bigger sin is going to be with people that are divorced but that are still seeing each other for sex. Actually this person could be doing this too? Both divorced together and non-divorced together are doing it! And they will lie to cover it up! Surprisingly a TON of people are doing this. And they'll never admit it and vehemently tell you people wouldn't do that, but the more upset they are is generally proof that it happens. I had no idea until people started telling me about this. IF this is happening should be asked on pretty much anyone who says their divorced. And a lot will lie. (I don't understand this, but people have trouble letting go. You can see signals alluding to this when they have unnatural empathy towards their Ex, saying things like 'we're still good friends' or 'we still love each other as friends'. Those are red flags too!)

Basically a lot of people are in captivity.

Why are there so many scriptures about living in captivity? Because our nation and people are in captivity.

That's why you will always hear about people that are so good but no income. Or someone is good but can't get away from some financial baggage, or family baggage pulling them down. Or basically, in a situation of some form of debt slavery, reduced income, illness, or other family problems. We need those scriptures because we refuse to admit that we're in bondage as a contract, unable to change our lives to what they should be.

The good news is that systems of slavery will be undone before the Millenium starts. Some are going to say slavery was already done away with.

No...there are other forms that I could put a whole post about.

Anyway...back to the original question.

There are times I wish someone I'd dated had given me a chance and didn't for no reason. I wasn't on porn, no didn't have any word of wisdom or chastity issues, I was paying tithing. There wasn't any reason they couldn't have tried to make it work but they just quit. Only because they thought it would be less hard with someone else I guess?

For those reasons, I think you'll have to just ask the Lord and pray about it until you get an answer. (And while you are praying about it you shouldn't be seeing that person yet to make sure your answer isn't being clouded by your emotions.) And then stick to your guns about it. I noticed too that emotionally cutting yourself away from someone is VERY HARD. Its like impossible. You have to really be deeply committed to Heavenly Father and doing what's right to get through breaking off something with someone. And when you are emotionally weak, Satan is going to try and get you and the other person back together for no other reason than its hard to be alone and wait for the right one. You will have to guard yourself from making up with someone on accident thats based on 'being with the wrong one is better than being alone'.

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby gardener4life » Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:38 am

Ammendment to above; Part of one of the ideas I was trying to convey why people are in such bondage and unable to get out of bad situations is the fact that it now takes years and years and years of building just to edify and build self sufficient position of having your own place. I think this is contributing to why people can't immediately cut someone off even if they want to. CA for example, just to get into a house, you have to have 2 full time jobs and have a spouse with a full time job, (or they will have 2 jobs) just to save for 10 years to buy the house. While saving for the house, they have people flirting with them at work and never see their own spouse. (No wonder so many marriages don't work. Then people cheat from being lonely, which is a terrible excuse!)

So because its taking them so long just to get permanent and the dollar losing value its hard to change. NO excuse but at least I think you have an idea why especially in expensive areas to live that things are going to be messy economically and in other factors.

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David13
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby David13 » Tue Dec 19, 2017 7:45 am

MMbelieve wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:24 am
farmerchick wrote:
Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:02 pm
Just because he is active doesn't mean he is honest, truthful, faithful ect. You've been given the right advice...... don't run..... sprint and don't look back. Being single from 32 thru 41, I found out most all of the good ones are taken. I was taken back by the problems I found when dating divorced returned missionaries. After going through dozens of them, over a five year period, I settled on a good and honorable non LDS man. Not saying that is your answer, but I did expect more from the members I dated than what I got. From serious porn problems, a couple of two timers, financially fraudulent, to not paying their child support, most in my opinion were not honorable, even though they said they were! I would say all of them had college degrees and then some, but they were all divorced for a reason. It seems the ones that were attracted to me, had the problems not their ex wives. I'm sure there are some good ones with crazy ex wives, but I didn't find that. Just my 2 cents. Hopefully times have changed.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Often men blame women for the outcomes of divorce and I just can't believe that women are really to blame for as much as men blame them for.
And your experience has confirmed what I suspected, men are divorced for a "reason". I don't see women as the type to want to break a family apart, afterall her base nature is to build the family and unite in love and care. If a woman is willing to divorce and take her children away, I believe it's for a good reason.

Anyway, mixing up this thread with the feminist thread, haha. I was just happy to see some real experience given as to what it's like, just tired of men hating on women so much and not being responsible for their own part and actions.
Where's EmmaLee? She described in her area women doing just that. Getting divorces because it was the 'feminism' thing to do, or it was 'trendy'. Basically for no good reason, and also a hate men mentality.
dc

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Crackers » Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:19 am

gardener4life wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:38 am
Ammendment to above; Part of one of the ideas I was trying to convey why people are in such bondage and unable to get out of bad situations is the fact that it now takes years and years and years of building just to edify and build self sufficient position of having your own place. I think this is contributing to why people can't immediately cut someone off even if they want to. CA for example, just to get into a house, you have to have 2 full time jobs and have a spouse with a full time job, (or they will have 2 jobs) just to save for 10 years to buy the house. While saving for the house, they have people flirting with them at work and never see their own spouse. (No wonder so many marriages don't work. Then people cheat from being lonely, which is a terrible excuse!)

So because its taking them so long just to get permanent and the dollar losing value its hard to change. NO excuse but at least I think you have an idea why especially in expensive areas to live that things are going to be messy economically and in other factors.
What does each person make in each of these three jobs? How big is their house? How nice is their house? Do they have HOA fees? How is their house furnished? Do they own or rent? Do they have a separate apartment they can rent out? What city or area do they live in? How nice is their neighborhood? How have they chosen to spend money on other things, such as cars, vacations, electronics, schooling, and clothing? We can't say, right, because these "families" are fictitious. 8-) There may very well be families who fit your description, but you can't declare such a statement to be broadly true or have universal application. It just isn't so. I have lived in CA (one job, one house) and have many friends and family there who also do not fit your stated paradigm.

I don't think you are trying to justify these uncommon living situations among estranged couples, but in trying to explain and sympathize with them, you are kind of doing that. In the LDS church, dating while you are still married is a serious offense, regardless of the state of the marriage. I think our opening poster should verify that this guy is still married, and verify it with him (so that he has a chance to be frank and so that he knows why she breaks it off if she does). But if she feels unsatisfied with his answer, other sources can be sought out. It's a bad situation, but if it is broken off now and the situation is adequately repaired on all ends, maybe the relationship can be restarted at a later time, if there is still a desire.

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby gardener4life » Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:36 am

Crackers wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:19 am
gardener4life wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:38 am
Ammendment to above; Part of one of the ideas I was trying to convey why people are in such bondage and unable to get out of bad situations is the fact that it now takes years and years and years of building just to edify and build self sufficient position of having your own place. I think this is contributing to why people can't immediately cut someone off even if they want to. CA for example, just to get into a house, you have to have 2 full time jobs and have a spouse with a full time job, (or they will have 2 jobs) just to save for 10 years to buy the house. While saving for the house, they have people flirting with them at work and never see their own spouse. (No wonder so many marriages don't work. Then people cheat from being lonely, which is a terrible excuse!)

So because its taking them so long just to get permanent and the dollar losing value its hard to change. NO excuse but at least I think you have an idea why especially in expensive areas to live that things are going to be messy economically and in other factors.
What does each person make in each of these three jobs? How big is their house? How nice is their house? Do they have HOA fees? How is their house furnished? Do they own or rent? Do they have a separate apartment they can rent out? What city or area do they live in? How nice is their neighborhood? How have they chosen to spend money on other things, such as cars, vacations, electronics, schooling, and clothing? We can't say, right, because these "families" are fictitious. 8-) There may very well be families who fit your description, but you can't declare such a statement to be broadly true or have universal application. It just isn't so. I have lived in CA (one job, one house) and have many friends and family there who also do not fit your stated paradigm.

I don't think you are trying to justify these uncommon living situations among estranged couples, but in trying to explain and sympathize with them, you are kind of doing that. In the LDS church, dating while you are still married is a serious offense, regardless of the state of the marriage. I think our opening poster should verify that this guy is still married, and verify it with him (so that he has a chance to be frank and so that he knows why she breaks it off if she does). But if she feels unsatisfied with his answer, other sources can be sought out. It's a bad situation, but if it is broken off now and the situation is adequately repaired on all ends, maybe the relationship can be restarted at a later time, if there is still a desire.
I have lived in CA too, near Los Angeles. And you have a point that some of those people are lying. And we shouldn't justify things. But you are missing the mark if you say that a normal person in Los Angeles County is just fine and can do any job with one job only and no spouse working and get into a house. Many sources quote this, here's one of them. It quotes the average mortgage in California's Los Angeles county at $575,000. Do you think anyone can get a $575,000 mortgage? If you do you are kidding yourself. I think you were just a bit too zealous to knock someone else down without really thinking about what you were saying. The source link below is just one veriable source that mortgages in CA and even rents make people have to do things that are pretty hard to go through. And people don't even want to be near Los Angeles County but are often forced too because of that being where many jobs are.

http://www.scpr.org/blogs/economy/2015/ ... fford-ave/

But the fact is the average mortgages around Los Angeles are easily around 400,000 for a 2 bedroom starter house. That's not even a luxury home to start from. So if you say you haven't seen that then you aren't living on the same planet as other people. A lot of people have noticed this.

Also, No I am not justifying them. I think people need to repent and be willing to sacrifice even if it hurts to do what's right. We should be willing to give even our lives to do what's right. But I think it's OK to understand where they are coming from. How do you even live when it's not about giving your life but about putting you in a box called bondage?

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Crackers » Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:55 am

Of course I am familiar with the cost of housing in CA. I was simply pointing out that you painted the situation with a very broad brush. A high cost of living doesn't make it okay to live with your estranged spouse while you date others. So, no, I guess I don't understand "where they are coming from."

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Spazghetti » Tue Dec 19, 2017 11:13 pm

Thank you everyone for your comments and insight. I have decided to no longer have anything to do with this man. I have a wonderful family and great friends and a full life even though I am single. I'm not giving up on love. Sometimes its really better to be single than with the wrong one. Life is still good.

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Silver Pie » Wed Dec 27, 2017 8:10 pm

Spazghetti wrote:
Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:38 pm
I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.
Basic advice: talk to him. Not to someone spreading rumors to you. Sure, maybe they're right. But what if they aren't? What if you dumped the guy based on rumors and gossip? You should be talking to him not to us and not taking the word of someone else, however reliable they may prove to be. Relationships should be based on you and him being honest with each other. This means you being honest when approached by the news that he isn't being honest. If, after you talk to him about it, you get the feeling that he is lying to you (if he says the rumor is false), then by all means follow your gut.
Toni

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Silver Pie
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Silver Pie » Wed Dec 27, 2017 8:13 pm

Spazghetti wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 11:13 pm
Sometimes its really better to be single than with the wrong one.
I would say it is ALWAYS better to be single than to be with the wrong one. Best of luck to you. :)
Toni

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby EmmaLee » Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:27 pm

David13 wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 7:45 am
MMbelieve wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:24 am
farmerchick wrote:
Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:02 pm
Just because he is active doesn't mean he is honest, truthful, faithful ect. You've been given the right advice...... don't run..... sprint and don't look back. Being single from 32 thru 41, I found out most all of the good ones are taken. I was taken back by the problems I found when dating divorced returned missionaries. After going through dozens of them, over a five year period, I settled on a good and honorable non LDS man. Not saying that is your answer, but I did expect more from the members I dated than what I got. From serious porn problems, a couple of two timers, financially fraudulent, to not paying their child support, most in my opinion were not honorable, even though they said they were! I would say all of them had college degrees and then some, but they were all divorced for a reason. It seems the ones that were attracted to me, had the problems not their ex wives. I'm sure there are some good ones with crazy ex wives, but I didn't find that. Just my 2 cents. Hopefully times have changed.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Often men blame women for the outcomes of divorce and I just can't believe that women are really to blame for as much as men blame them for.
And your experience has confirmed what I suspected, men are divorced for a "reason". I don't see women as the type to want to break a family apart, afterall her base nature is to build the family and unite in love and care. If a woman is willing to divorce and take her children away, I believe it's for a good reason.

Anyway, mixing up this thread with the feminist thread, haha. I was just happy to see some real experience given as to what it's like, just tired of men hating on women so much and not being responsible for their own part and actions.
Where's EmmaLee? She described in her area women doing just that. Getting divorces because it was the 'feminism' thing to do, or it was 'trendy'. Basically for no good reason, and also a hate men mentality.
dc
Yes, there have been 3 divorces in our ward in the last couple of years. I know all three couples very well, and have known them for years. In all three cases, the wife asked for the divorce, and the reasons they (the wives) gave was the same - "I just want to be single again. I'm bored and I want to have fun." As of right now, all three women have gone completely inactive in the Church, are outspoken about their liberal political beliefs (going to the women's marches wearing the pink "hats", Hillary bumper stickers, etc), and are living promiscuous lifestyles (and by that, I mean living with men they're not married to). All three men are still active in the Church and have remained single. One of the women was our RS president at the time she initiated a divorce from her husband. She took their 5 kids and moved to Utah, where she got pregnant almost immediately and posted her 'baby bump' picture on Facebook, where, sadly (but not surprisingly) she got dozens of "likes" from mutual friends of ours, all "active" women in the Church (including our current RS president).

None of this came as a shock, with how much men are maligned and dissed in RS every Sunday (and even in Sunday school and sacrament meeting, but it's usually more subtle there - it's very blatant and overt in RS), it's what should be expected.
Arguing with a fool only proves there are two.

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David13
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby David13 » Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:46 pm

EmmaLee wrote:
Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:27 pm
David13 wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 7:45 am
MMbelieve wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 12:24 am
farmerchick wrote:
Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:02 pm
Just because he is active doesn't mean he is honest, truthful, faithful ect. You've been given the right advice...... don't run..... sprint and don't look back. Being single from 32 thru 41, I found out most all of the good ones are taken. I was taken back by the problems I found when dating divorced returned missionaries. After going through dozens of them, over a five year period, I settled on a good and honorable non LDS man. Not saying that is your answer, but I did expect more from the members I dated than what I got. From serious porn problems, a couple of two timers, financially fraudulent, to not paying their child support, most in my opinion were not honorable, even though they said they were! I would say all of them had college degrees and then some, but they were all divorced for a reason. It seems the ones that were attracted to me, had the problems not their ex wives. I'm sure there are some good ones with crazy ex wives, but I didn't find that. Just my 2 cents. Hopefully times have changed.
Thank you for sharing your experience. Often men blame women for the outcomes of divorce and I just can't believe that women are really to blame for as much as men blame them for.
And your experience has confirmed what I suspected, men are divorced for a "reason". I don't see women as the type to want to break a family apart, afterall her base nature is to build the family and unite in love and care. If a woman is willing to divorce and take her children away, I believe it's for a good reason.

Anyway, mixing up this thread with the feminist thread, haha. I was just happy to see some real experience given as to what it's like, just tired of men hating on women so much and not being responsible for their own part and actions.
Where's EmmaLee? She described in her area women doing just that. Getting divorces because it was the 'feminism' thing to do, or it was 'trendy'. Basically for no good reason, and also a hate men mentality.
dc
Yes, there have been 3 divorces in our ward in the last couple of years. I know all three couples very well, and have known them for years. In all three cases, the wife asked for the divorce, and the reasons they (the wives) gave was the same - "I just want to be single again. I'm bored and I want to have fun." As of right now, all three women have gone completely inactive in the Church, are outspoken about their liberal political beliefs (going to the women's marches wearing the pink "hats", Hillary bumper stickers, etc), and are living promiscuous lifestyles (and by that, I mean living with men they're not married to). All three men are still active in the Church and have remained single. One of the women was our RS president at the time she initiated a divorce from her husband. She took their 5 kids and moved to Utah, where she got pregnant almost immediately and posted her 'baby bump' picture on Facebook, where, sadly (but not surprisingly) she got dozens of "likes" from mutual friends of ours, all "active" women in the Church (including our current RS president).

None of this came as a shock, with how much men are maligned and dissed in RS every Sunday (and even in Sunday school and sacrament meeting, but it's usually more subtle there - it's very blatant and overt in RS), it's what should be expected.
Unbelievable that this can go on in a church known as a conservative church, where traditional values are highly valued and a strong knowledge of the difference between right and wrong was once so prevalent.
Maybe it has to do with where you are, but I think also it has to do with them trying to be "modern" or trendy, or "up to date" or whatever nonsense.
dc

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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby EmmaLee » Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:54 pm

There is very little that is conservative with most members that I know - not just in our area (upper Midwest), but out west, as well, unfortunately. It's been the frog in the pot scenario, and now the water is rolling to a boil, it is shocking how many members have fallen for Satan's lies. We have BO/Sanders/Clinton supporters in many leadership positions in our ward/stake - and even many of the so-called "conservatives" are for same-sex marriage, feminism, and many socialist programs and policies. Most people in my ward/stake would literally rather die than be viewed as politically incorrect.
David13 wrote:
Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:46 pm
EmmaLee wrote:
Fri Jan 05, 2018 5:27 pm
Yes, there have been 3 divorces in our ward in the last couple of years. I know all three couples very well, and have known them for years. In all three cases, the wife asked for the divorce, and the reasons they (the wives) gave was the same - "I just want to be single again. I'm bored and I want to have fun." As of right now, all three women have gone completely inactive in the Church, are outspoken about their liberal political beliefs (going to the women's marches wearing the pink "hats", Hillary bumper stickers, etc), and are living promiscuous lifestyles (and by that, I mean living with men they're not married to). All three men are still active in the Church and have remained single. One of the women was our RS president at the time she initiated a divorce from her husband. She took their 5 kids and moved to Utah, where she got pregnant almost immediately and posted her 'baby bump' picture on Facebook, where, sadly (but not surprisingly) she got dozens of "likes" from mutual friends of ours, all "active" women in the Church (including our current RS president).

None of this came as a shock, with how much men are maligned and dissed in RS every Sunday (and even in Sunday school and sacrament meeting, but it's usually more subtle there - it's very blatant and overt in RS), it's what should be expected.
Unbelievable that this can go on in a church known as a conservative church, where traditional values are highly valued and a strong knowledge of the difference between right and wrong was once so prevalent.
Maybe it has to do with where you are, but I think also it has to do with them trying to be "modern" or trendy, or "up to date" or whatever nonsense.
dc
Arguing with a fool only proves there are two.

PressingForward
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby PressingForward » Sat Jan 06, 2018 2:42 pm

Spazghetti wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 11:13 pm
Thank you everyone for your comments and insight. I have decided to no longer have anything to do with this man. I have a wonderful family and great friends and a full life even though I am single. I'm not giving up on love. Sometimes its really better to be single than with the wrong one. Life is still good.
Did you verify with this Man that he was still married? Or did you just accept the gossip?

Gage
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Gage » Thu Jan 11, 2018 11:23 am

I know several LDS women that are shacked up with new men and not yet divorced. I dont think you will hear any complaints from the new men about the women being still married.

Gage
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Gage » Thu Jan 11, 2018 11:26 am

Yes, there have been 3 divorces in our ward in the last couple of years. I know all three couples very well, and have known them for years. In all three cases, the wife asked for the divorce, and the reasons they (the wives) gave was the same - "I just want to be single again. I'm bored and I want to have fun." As of right now, all three women have gone completely inactive in the Church, are outspoken about their liberal political beliefs (going to the women's marches wearing the pink "hats", Hillary bumper stickers, etc), and are living promiscuous lifestyles (and by that, I mean living with men they're not married to). All three men are still active in the Church and have remained single. One of the women was our RS president at the time she initiated a divorce from her husband. She took their 5 kids and moved to Utah, where she got pregnant almost immediately and posted her 'baby bump' picture on Facebook, where, sadly (but not surprisingly) she got dozens of "likes" from mutual friends of ours, all "active" women in the Church (including our current RS president).

None of this came as a shock, with how much men are maligned and dissed in RS every Sunday (and even in Sunday school and sacrament meeting, but it's usually more subtle there - it's very blatant and overt in RS), it's what should be expected.
[/quote]



When a woman tells you she wants to be single, what she means is she doesnt want to be with you. No woman wants to be single.

Fiannan
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Fiannan » Mon Jan 15, 2018 9:02 am

I know a woman who went through the "I fell out of love" routine and divorced her husband. When the subject came up with leaders some hoped she would go totally inactive since she got the kids and her husband was very active. The hope would be that her four sons would follow the lead of the father's example. Sadly she went full active, kind of a Molly Mormon style, married and divorced a few times but still put up the persona of being a prime example of Mormon womanhood.

All her kids are friends of mine and so I can see their statuses on social media. One requested his name be taken off the books, one is full atheist and two others are more socio-political Mormons who often take jabs at hypocritical Mormons who hate Trump and yet are starting to gravitate to a sort of Satanic Mormonism becoming quite trendy in Utah. A mother's example can go a long way.
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
Plato

Fiannan
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Fiannan » Mon Jan 15, 2018 9:08 am

By the way, I have been quite active in the anti-porn movement but when the Church went hysterical with the issue I knew where it would lead. Sadly many LDS women acted in the same way towards this issue as a pack of hungry hyenas would if you threw a side of beef in front of them. This was their excuse to pry and find any evidence of their hubby looking at porn so they could stay heroes in their wards but leave their husbands. Sometimes Satan uses good intentions to gain his objectives and boy did he ever in regards to this issue.
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
Plato

tdj
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby tdj » Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:32 am

Spazghetti wrote:
Sun Dec 17, 2017 8:38 pm
I recently began dating a man for the first time since my divorce 4 years ago. We are both active members of the church. I found out last night from a very reliable source that he has hidden from me the fact that he is not yet divorced. I feel betrayed and taken advantage of because we were dating exclusively and making plans for the future. I am curious if anyone else on here has an opinion or advice.
Dump him. Seriously. These are the months with someone people are on their BEST behavior. It's not going to get any better from here on out, and if this is the best he can offer you... umm, no.

Besides, if someone lies or is dishonest with you, then it means they don't respect you. Trust me, you don't want to be with a man who doesn't respect you.

tdj
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby tdj » Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:37 am

Fiannan wrote:
Mon Jan 15, 2018 9:08 am
By the way, I have been quite active in the anti-porn movement but when the Church went hysterical with the issue I knew where it would lead. Sadly many LDS women acted in the same way towards this issue as a pack of hungry hyenas would if you threw a side of beef in front of them. This was their excuse to pry and find any evidence of their hubby looking at porn so they could stay heroes in their wards but leave their husbands. Sometimes Satan uses good intentions to gain his objectives and boy did he ever in regards to this issue.
Don't get me wrong, I don't like or agree with porn. Especially since I've reached the age where I no longer resemble those women as much as I used too :D , but I'm curious on why it seems that the one's who are making such a big deal over it are the women? I don't hear much from men, who tend to be the group most affected with the addiction. It's ALWAYS the women. The men are pretty quiet on the subject.

Personally, I think it's more of a jealously thing. The women aren't in the best of shape after having so many kids, and they are resentful that the husbands don't look at them like they're hunks of meat anymore. They'd rather look at some young hot looking chick on a piece of paper like she's a hunk of meat. I'd be pretty upset also. But the men need to be just as vocal about this as well.

tdj
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby tdj » Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:42 am

Crackers wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:55 am
Of course I am familiar with the cost of housing in CA. I was simply pointing out that you painted the situation with a very broad brush. A high cost of living doesn't make it okay to live with your estranged spouse while you date others. So, no, I guess I don't understand "where they are coming from."

Yeah, say that when you are living in a cardboard box, or in your van down by the river.

Crackers
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Re: Getting Back Into Dating

Postby Crackers » Mon Jan 15, 2018 5:43 pm

tdj wrote:
Mon Jan 15, 2018 10:42 am
Crackers wrote:
Tue Dec 19, 2017 9:55 am
Of course I am familiar with the cost of housing in CA. I was simply pointing out that you painted the situation with a very broad brush. A high cost of living doesn't make it okay to live with your estranged spouse while you date others. So, no, I guess I don't understand "where they are coming from."

Yeah, say that when you are living in a cardboard box, or in your van down by the river.
Ok


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