When it Doesn't Happen

[David13]

I know the feeling about praying for it, and it doesn't happen. I'm in that situation as well, and I don't know the answer. I guess it's just ... keep the faith.

Anyone who gets a divorce, has to take one of two paths, initially, and ultimately.
First, getting used to being and doing things alone. It was too easy for me, as I had a childhood where I never touched anyone. I didn't want to be touched. In terms of getting involved with females, that didn't work out real good at first. Then I met the one who was to be my wife, and after a few years of adjustment, I got used to touching her all the time. I always had my hands on her, which she liked. I think most women like that, the physical contact with their husband.
When I got a divorce, it was easy for me to go back to that nobody touches me life. Too easy, because I'm also very selfish, and only like to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
When I was married, I did like to do a lot of things with the wife. That was no problem. But then post marriage, I soon got back to my selfish ways.
Come and go as I please.
I know a young man like that. 47, married, 3 adult children, just very aloof with the wife. He just does what he wants when he wants, he just goes.
A very loose relationship. Almost seems more like brother and sister rather than husband and wife. But maybe that's a good aspect of it. I'm sure they do have their intimate moments.
This guy goes to Sacrament meeting in a white shirt and tie. Like a teenage kid. The wife had told him she would like for her birthday, to get him a suit that he would wear to church. He wouldn't do it.
Why not?? I asks him. Oh, he says, it gives them too much power over you (him). Then they think they own you and can just tell you (him) what to do all the time.

I have known another fellow. Marriage number 5, I think, we have a hard time counting them, it's been like that for him.
But he is outrageously physically dependent on being touched by a female regularly and frequently. It makes him totally vulnerable for conniving thieving women who have taken great financial advantage of him, and are at best ordinary looking.

The advice I gave him which he ignored was that he had to get his own life in order before he got married again. Where he could approach the next relationship with a woman from a self sufficient and self confidant stance. Rather than this needy, vulnerable position. Which left him prone to being abused, primarily financially, but across the board.

So here you have two extremes. One vulnerable, needy and thus appears at least foolish and a victim (he does complain a lot, but doesn't have the strength to get a divorce.)
And the other husband, aloof, kinds sorta there, but mostly just checking his constant text messages. He says he can hear you, but mostly stares at the phone screen. You know, important sports scores, motorcycle race results, events that he might just take off for.

There is a happy medium out there somewhere.
dc

[OCDMOM]

Call the cops. Turn him in. Tell the teacher. Call suicide prevention.

[brianj]

Call the cops. Turn him in. Tell the teacher. Call suicide prevention.

The perpetrator has been investigated several times by police, and has been investigated by CPS at least five times since April. Several of these investigations originated when the victim told a teacher. The victim in question is not able to make phone calls most of the time out of fear of the abuser seeing the calls in cell phone records.

I won't say who did it or how I know, but I am aware that CPS was called yet again last week.

[brianj]

Brian, in a situation like this it is hard to share, because it can come across crosswise, rather than how it is intended. You are in my prayers. The first thought is "whom the Lord loveth, the Lord Chasteneth", and He is.
"Thine adversity and thine afflication shall be but a small moment..." Endure Brother!
Thirdly, can you reach out in love to the abuser? It seems to me that they are the broken one here. Maybe your kindness and compassion to them might bring more ease and relief to the "abused" party than anything else. The admonition to love our enemy is indeed a powerful one. I'll end with Luke 6:38... give and it shall be given to you..." If we are always giving love, we are always surrounded in love. Blessings dear Brother.

Thank you. As I've said before, I am alone in the church. I regularly lay in bed at night, wondering if anybody prays for me.

I am not able to reach out to the abuser. The abuser moved and refused to give me an address, and the victim is afraid to do so. The abuser is unwilling to provide an address out of fear. The abuser also blocked me and other relatives who don't enable her or act as 'flying monkeys' on social media, changed their phone number, and changed their email address.

I have said that I know someone called CPS and filed a full report. I will also indicate that it couldn't have been me because I did call CPS once and they said that they are unable to take a report if I couldn't provide an address.

[OCDMOM]

Call the cops. Turn him in. Tell the teacher. Call suicide prevention.

The perpetrator has been investigated several times by police, and has been investigated by CPS at least five times since April. Several of these investigations originated when the victim told a teacher. The victim in question is not able to make phone calls most of the time out of fear of the abuser seeing the calls in cell phone records.

I won't say who did it or how I know, but I am aware that CPS was called yet again last week.

OK, I will join my prayers with yours.

[Sarah]

That's too bad about your female friends not doing the temple work. No easy answer for that except to share them with the temple. At least the female names are done quicker than the men. I had/have some men waiting almost three years when I share them with the temple. I too have a long list that needs to be done. Did one today so that felt great. But I really feel that getting those names into Family Search is just as important as doing the work. At least they are connected into a family in one of THE BOOKS.

[brianj]

That's too bad about your female friends not doing the temple work. No easy answer for that except to share them with the temple. At least the female names are done quicker than the men. I had/have some men waiting almost three years when I share them with the temple. I too have a long list that needs to be done. Did one today so that felt great. But I really feel that getting those names into Family Search is just as important as doing the work. At least they are connected into a family in one of THE BOOKS.

How long did it take for the female names to be done by the temple department? I shared names in October 2016 that haven't been done yet.

[True]

Two years or less for female names and 3 or more for male names.

[JohnnyL]

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

How do you reconcile this scripture when something that seems right, that feels desperately needed, and that you have been diligently fasting and praying for is not given?

Sometimes the reason we aren't getting the thing that we have asked for is because we won't receive it not because the Lord isn't offering it to us. Sometimes we can't find the thing we are seeking for because we won't see it not because it isn't there. Often we place conditions on God that prevent him from giving us what we need and want. The conditions are mostly subconscious so most people won't even realize they are there until they've undertaken a deep search within themselves, which is a very difficult and painful thing to do.

I've had great success lately by thinking deeply about what I can do to get the thing I feel I need. Though I may not have power to do everything necessary to receive it, I ask what I can do and do that. Then miracles occur.

YES, YES, YES! So many times you see the answer so clearly, but they can't/ don't/ don't want to. We dismiss things when they are the answer. We sometimes hate things that are the answer. But it's the answer! Sometimes it's just not time yet. Sometimes it takes courage to do, and courage to not do. Sometimes it's such a huge stretch of our belief system, it's going to rip, and most people cannot deal with that. Sometimes we have been so brainwashed it's scary (except to the brainwashed, lol). Sometimes it's just right in front of our noses, and we hadn't considered it, and it's so obvious when we see it, we don't understand how we missed it.