Please don't feel that way! You are right to believe that it's not that simple- it never was that way. It's not about doing something enough (studying, praying, serving, etc, etc). Those who tell you that misunderstand. God won't love you more if you pray one more time or love you less because you only did 50% home teaching last month.HappyCamper8 wrote: ↑November 14th, 2017, 9:51 am I've always been taught this concept growing up. I've spent 30-ish years of trying hard to fulfill all callings, multiple callings at times, (You'd be surprised to know me and what my callings have been and what it currently is) reading scriptures or at least listening every day, always pray everyday, morning, night, throughout the day. If I'm honest with myself, I'm not sure I've ever felt any correlation with this stuff and feeling it's all true. Many times through my life, I began to think I must be pretty wicked. At one point in my life, I began to fear maybe I am a son of perdition since the Heavens are always silent toward me, but seems to be available for everybody else. Everybody around me all talk about their experiences of coming to a point where they "had to know" and worked hard and bam, they had the spirit confirm. I've spent many nights "working hard" at getting some type of confirmation. Not sure anything has ever happened in terms of confrimation, at least I don't think I recognize it.
All this time, I've always decided to just keep plugging along as if I actually had confirmation, hoping this would constitute some faith that it would come some day. I'm afraid, I may be coming to my breaking point. I'm starting to think that others may be saying they have confirmation in an attempt at showing faith as well. Not sure what to think anymore. I know, I know, I've heard it here before. I'm sinning. I'm not trying hard enough. I'm not reading the scriptures enough. I'm not magnifying my calling enough. etc. etc. I don't think it's that simple anymore.
As I have looked to some in the scriptures, I have realized, many who were NOT keeping the commandments had "impressive" experiences with the divine. I could list them, but I'm sure if you think through them, you will find them.
D&C 18:15 Comes to mind:
And if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father!
I don't mean this in the sacrament talk-like "the one soul is you" sort of way. Rather, it shows me that sometimes it is given to us to labor all of our days for something. That may not comfort you much, the prospect of fighting the rest of your life for confirmation. You seem to believe or at least want to believe that "it's all true", as you put it. This opens an entirely different topic, but I don't think you have to believe as others believe. I certainly do not. There are so many differing opinions even among prophets and apostles on different aspects of the Gospel that it's hard to really say what "it" all even is.
I would hardly call a person wicked or a son of perdition who has spent thirty years earnestly seeking confirmation of the Gospel. I would say that that in itself seems like a spiritual gift, at least to me. Not many people would labor as you have.
I feel like I rambled and I apologize but I guess what I'm trying to get across is that while most of us have the same goal, none of our journeys will look exactly the same. Please do not feel inferior because you haven't experienced what others claim to have experienced. Not all of them are true. And if we are honest, most of us would admit that we struggle, even after that confirmation.
