Shifting the "Because": Overcoming the Victim Mentality

[oneClimbs]

http://oneclimbs.com/2017/10/31/shiftin ... mentality/

In 2 Nephi 4, commonly referred to as "Nephi's psalm," there is an interesting pattern and reversal that centers around the word "because." First, here is the list of things Nephi uses to justify his sorrows:

1. my heart sorroweth because of my flesh;
2. my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
3. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins
4. my heart groaneth because of my sins

Nephi appears to be placing the blame on external influences for how he feels. He sees himself as a victim of these influences and in so doing, allows them to have power over him. Then we see a change in focus as he begins to question his own perspective. Nephi then begins to recall all of the amazing things that God has done for him in his life. This new focus prompts several "why should" questions in regards to those "because of" justifications.

1. why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
2. why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?
3. Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?
4. Why am I angry because of mine enemy?[/list]

Nephi isn't getting an answer to prayer here, he isn't doing anything spectacular, he is simply thinking. He is revolving these issues in his mind and weighing them. In this process, he finds the power to shift his perspective and reorient his trajectory. Fortified with a renewed resolve, Nephi drops some firm covenantal "do nots" in opposition to those "because of" justifications.

1. Do not anger again because of mine enemies.
2. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

Then, the final "because" comes into play:

"May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite!" (vs.32)

Nephi concludes that when you trust the arm of flesh, whether it is your own or that of others, you will experience failure and even tragedy. Nephi doesn't mince words and straight up calls it a curse when you put your trust in fallible beings. Nephi realizes that even though he fails himself by giving in to sin, and others fail him by becoming his enemy, God has never failed him and never will.

"O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm." (vs.34)

Through this, Nephi escapes his mental prison of victimhood and realizes the power that comes from faith in God. He will still sin, and he may never make peace with his enemies but God will always walk beside him. One will never find true peace in this world, not really, not lasting and fulfilling peace. When we put our trust in God and allow him to prove himself to us, we will find that peace that we seek.

Love this chapter, because it's awesome.

[Sarah]

Thank you for that! That has always been a favorite part of the BofM for me.

[gardener4life]

There was a big study on inmates in one of the prisons in ...it was either Kentucky or Tennessee I forgot which. At any rate they were studying things like why people are in prison and why they are having trouble and so on. One of the common themes found in the inmates was the inability to accept personal responsibility. There was always this 'I'm the victim' and 'you owe me a life' mentality. So and so owes me. You owe me. You wronged me. I DESERVE a free life. 'I wouldn't have gotten in trouble if those police weren't there. We should fight against the police.' 'This is my mom's fault. If she had paid for my groceries and rent I wouldn't have had to sell drugs'. This kind of thinking. And they would always let this type of thinking justify parasitically living off others.

We see that in the Book of Mormon.

Laman and Lemuel taught their children to hate the Nephites and that the Nephites had stolen from them the right to rule. There wasn't any real crime except what they had done to their own children by teaching them hate before they understood the reasoning behind if that hate was justified. (Hate is never good. Hate is evil.) Yet they had wronged themselves. (This is why most of the mainstream muslims will never coexist with Christians. They were taught from birth to hate us. That hate is still under the surface of those that aren't killing us.)

Mosiah 10:17 And thus they have taught their children that they should hate them, and that they should murder them, and that they should rob and plunder them, and do all they could to destroy them; therefore they have an eternal hatred towards the children of Nephi.

The Gadianton Robbers followed the same idea. But what was the strategy?

3 Nephi 2:3 And it came to pass that the people began to wax strong in wickedness and abominations; and they did not believe that there should be any more signs or wonders given; and Satan did go about, leading away the hearts of the people, tempting them and causing them that they should do great wickedness in the land. (they were led in the hearts to hatred before they understood what was going on. Their children had no defense against it because they were taught hate first, trust in the might of the flesh, and reasoning second (and nothing on faith).)

3 Nephi 3:11 And now it came to pass when Lachoneus received this epistle he was exceedingly astonished, because of the boldness of Giddianhi demanding the possession of the land of the Nephites, and also of threatening the people and avenging the wrongs of those that had received no wrong, save it were they had wronged themselves by dissenting away unto those wicked and abominable robbers. (They had wronged themselves and lost blessings of their own, yet blamed the Saints of God.)

4 Nephi1:39 And it was because of the wickedness and abomination of their fathers, even as it was in the beginning. And they were taught to hate the children of God, even as the Lamanites were taught to hate the children of Nephi from the beginning.

Our current immigration fails in several things;

1) It takes no account into the idea that many of the people that come over even if they don't become killers were taught from since before they could walk to hate Americans, hate our system, and to want to destroy it; and that it isn't wrong to hurt Americans, be they brown, white, or Asian.

2) Those emmigrating to the U.S. now are not culturally blending and trying to coexist, cooperate with those that already live here. In fact they seek to dominate over the native citizens already in the system. If you go to ethnic communities those people will hire their own people but WON"T hire traditional Americans. Yet traditional Americans are being forced to hire immigrants first, based on some equal opportunity notion.

3) Loss of self sufficiency among the people as a whole foments racism naturally under the surface because there is too much competition for basic things you need to live. The shortages cause enmity to grow. Enmity foments hatred, bias, and racism. Enmity among animals you can see just over a bowl of food. People are also taught to come here for free welfare, and not for a belief system. Your ancestors came here for a belief system that was greater than just economic prosperity. They came here for religious freedom, and to be free with other freedoms. They didn't actually come here to get rich, yet people have twisted the American Dream to not mean equality and having enough to 'getting rich' and having more than the Jones next door.

4) Immigration doesn't screen for loyalty but only for reading ability, and not much even for that. Most immigrants coming into the country now still have more loyalty to the country they came for MORE than loyalty to the U.S. This wasn't the same for people's grandparents and ancestors that were taught English first, and cut ties with the old country. How can you screen for loyalty? (It's a tough question but can't be ignored.) Will those coming over be willing to have their children marry Americans, be they white or hispanic, or whatever? If not then they probably shouldn't come over.)

5) Those making decisions about the laws in our country only care about their own take first, have clouded judgment, have no vested interest in the country being better from their service from when they started office, and no accountability to the people. The people in general right now need a system of being able to hold both politicians, lawmakers, judges, and lawyers accountable. Our country can't survive any longer without a way to stop judicial overreach, political corruption and infighting, and without ways of punishing those that abuse power. There is also disconnect between those that abuse power being defined by those that help other countries more than they help their own country like Obama did.

[Michelle]

This is being actively taught in schools. We homeschool our kids. Our oldest decided he wanted to go to a charter school this year. I was not excited to let him, but there have been a few good things come of it.

1. He is learning all the things I taught and warned him about are true, and so is my husband.

2. He comes home and tells me about the "training" they are given in bullying, suicide, etc. and said "It is like they are trying to teach us how to do it."

3. He is sorry that so many of his classmates are duped into believing they are victims. When they were asked to make lists of bullies and problems his were blank. He said he doesn't have any bullies because he can ignore words. He said he doesn't have the problems because anything he thought to put on the list, he knew was a consequence of his actions or something he could change.

But again, he was worried that his classmates couldn't see the same thing and worried that his teacher was upset with his answers. We'll see how long he decides to go.

One interesting thing. I asked him why he thinks they are teaching these things. He said he thinks it is to make the kids feel like they don't know anything and are victims so they won't try to make choices. That they will just trust that someone better and smarter than them will tell them what to do and protect them.

He may not be getting anything academically (we are having him keep learning at home) but he is sure getting an education on life in these times and this place.

[diligently seeking]

http://oneclimbs.com/2017/10/31/shiftin ... mentality/

In 2 Nephi 4, commonly referred to as "Nephi's psalm," there is an interesting pattern and reversal that centers around the word "because." First, here is the list of things Nephi uses to justify his sorrows:

1. my heart sorroweth because of my flesh;
2. my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
3. I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins
4. my heart groaneth because of my sins

Nephi appears to be placing the blame on external influences for how he feels. He sees himself as a victim of these influences and in so doing, allows them to have power over him. Then we see a change in focus as he begins to question his own perspective. Nephi then begins to recall all of the amazing things that God has done for him in his life. This new focus prompts several "why should" questions in regards to those "because of" justifications.

1. why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
2. why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh?
3. Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul?
4. Why am I angry because of mine enemy?[/list]

Nephi isn't getting an answer to prayer here, he isn't doing anything spectacular, he is simply thinking. He is revolving these issues in his mind and weighing them. In this process, he finds the power to shift his perspective and reorient his trajectory. Fortified with a renewed resolve, Nephi drops some firm covenantal "do nots" in opposition to those "because of" justifications.

1. Do not anger again because of mine enemies.
2. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

Then, the final "because" comes into play:

"May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite!" (vs.32)

Nephi concludes that when you trust the arm of flesh, whether it is your own or that of others, you will experience failure and even tragedy. Nephi doesn't mince words and straight up calls it a curse when you put your trust in fallible beings. Nephi realizes that even though he fails himself by giving in to sin, and others fail him by becoming his enemy, God has never failed him and never will.

"O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm." (vs.34)

Through this, Nephi escapes his mental prison of victimhood and realizes the power that comes from faith in God. He will still sin, and he may never make peace with his enemies but God will always walk beside him. One will never find true peace in this world, not really, not lasting and fulfilling peace. When we put our trust in God and allow him to prove himself to us, we will find that peace that we seek.

Love this chapter, because it's awesome.

Love it! Thanks so much 5Teve3, for writing all this great "pure intelligence" down for us!

[Thinker]

I like it Steve - and hadn’t previously applied those scriptures to victim mentality. Nephi is empowering himself when he switches to asking himself essentially - “Why?” “Now what?” He’s realizing his own ability to respond - response-ability. And that is by getting God’s help and guidance - only trusting in God, not others or even himself. Of course we need to extend some trust to others and especially to ourselves for courage, but when it comes to unconditional love and Supreme guidance - only God can be depended on.

On a similar note... Carl Jung wrote, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.” It’s kinda like the saying, “In each of us is a bit of all of us.” When we realize that in some way and degree, we have thought, felt or acted similarly to how someone who hurt us did, it’s more compelling to forgive.