Updated policy: Another adult allowed to sit in on interviews with children and women

[inho]

Deseret News: Updated LDS policy allows another adult to sit in on leaders' interviews with children and women
Salt Lake Tribune: Mormon leaders unveil new rules allowing another adult in room for interviews
Mormon Newsroom: Preventing and Responding to Abuse (the cover letter sent for churh leaders: here)

[inho]

When a member of a stake presidency or bishopric or another assigned leader meets with a child, youth, or woman, he or she should ask a parent or another adult to be in an adjoining room, foyer, or hall. If the person being interviewed desires, another adult may be invited to participate in the interview. Leaders should avoid all circumstances that could be misunderstood

[inho]

When abuse occurs, the first and immediate responsibility of Church leaders is to help those who have been abused and to protect vulnerable persons from future abuse. Members should never be encouraged to remain in a home or situation that is abusive or unsafe.

Church leaders should never disregard a report of abuse or counsel a member not to report criminal activity to law enforcement personnel.

[abijah]

Let’s hope this does not hinder the repentance process.

[inho]

Let’s hope this does not hinder the repentance process.

This just in, confessions of sin to help in repentance process down 98%. (my estimated numbers)

So you think that parents won't let their children meet the bishop alone? Note that it is not mandatory to have another adult there, it is possibly if desired. I would guess that not much will change. I would think that there aren't that many interviewees who will ask to have another person there.

[abijah]

While undoubtedly the majority would not have a problem, I imagine some would, especially given the direction and steep slope society is on right now. I know if my parents insisted on being there I never would have repented/confessed.

[Finrock]

Let’s hope this does not hinder the repentance process.

This just in, confessions of sin to help in repentance process down 98%. (my estimated numbers)

So you think that parents won't let their children meet the bishop alone? Note that it is not mandatory to have another adult there, it is possibly if desired. I would guess that not much will change. I would think that there aren't that many interviewees who will ask to have another person there.

More specifically, the guidance says that if the person being interviewed desires another adult to be in there then they can be invited. So, a parent can't decide to be in the interview unless the child desires it.

-Finrock

[inho]

More specifically, the guidance says that if the person being interviewed desires another adult to be in there then they can be invited. So, a parent can't decide to be in the interview unless the child desires it.

Indeed. That means that a minor could meet with a bishop without telling to his/her parents. The minor just needs to make sure that the bishop asks someone else than a parent to wait in the adjoining room.

In practice, if a parent knows about an interview, it is quite hard to make him/her stay outside if he/she wants to be in. It takes courage from the minor to say to a parent that he/she is not welcome there.

[gardener4life]

This is actually a good idea. But it would be needed to not necessarily be a family member of those being interviewed because sometimes in the past for example, its been parents that have goaded students to falsely accuse teachers of sexual harassment. In an ideal situation the person sitting in should be connected to the bishop somehow or whoever the leader is.

In my town and the next town over it did come out later...after someone's life was ruined...that a case of a false accusation against a teacher was propelled by the parents of the false accuser.

[abijah]

More specifically, the guidance says that if the person being interviewed desires another adult to be in there then they can be invited. So, a parent can't decide to be in the interview unless the child desires it.

Indeed. That means that a minor could meet with a bishop without telling to his/her parents. The minor just needs to make sure that the bishop asks someone else than a parent to wait in the adjoining room.

In practice, if a parent knows about an interview, it is quite hard to make him/her stay outside if he/she wants to be in. It takes courage from the minor to say to a parent that he/she is not welcome there.

I hadn’t realised this, and would now agree that the change will likely have any great impact. As long as the parent is not a mandatory middleman between the child and his/her bishop, there are a great many instances where that is not a good thing.

[Sunain]

I have no idea why you all think that a child would only confess to a bishop and not want their parents to ever know. That sounds like all round bad parenting and a very unloving home where a child would never trust their own parents and would rather talk to a bishop. The FIRST people to know about a sin grievous enough to warrant talking to a bishop should be the child's parents. Yes, there are a few fringe cases of abuse at home, but that's a police matter, otherwise a loving family would work through these kinds of things together.

It boggles my mind that people are even considering that this is going to affect repentance numbers significantly. If that is case, then there are WAY bigger family trust and love issues in the church currently than interviews with the bishop.

Also I find this announcement extremely deceiving because in all the stakes/wards/branches I've ever been in, if the parents requested to be in the interviews, they were never denied. Now its just a policy that will be added to the handbook. The current Handbook of Instructions says:

"Leaders should encourage parents to stay close to their children and to counsel them, allowing local Church leaders to act in a supporting role." Page 24

Leaders should only be a secondary support line as parents should be the main support for their children. If the church didn't restrict the access to that manual to only bishops and higher, people would actually know these things. Thank goodness for Wikileaks!

More specifically, the guidance says that if the person being interviewed desires another adult to be in there then they can be invited. So, a parent can't decide to be in the interview unless the child desires it.

Indeed. That means that a minor could meet with a bishop without telling to his/her parents. The minor just needs to make sure that the bishop asks someone else than a parent to wait in the adjoining room.

In practice, if a parent knows about an interview, it is quite hard to make him/her stay outside if he/she wants to be in. It takes courage from the minor to say to a parent that he/she is not welcome there.

That sounds like deception and an unloving family environment to me.

[BackBlast]

I have no idea why you all think that a child would only confess to a bishop and not want their parents to ever know. That sounds like all round bad parenting and a very unloving home where a child would never trust their own parents and would rather talk to a bishop. The FIRST people to know about a sin grievous enough to warrant talking to a bishop should be the child's parents. Yes, there are a few fringe cases of abuse at home, but that's a police matter, otherwise a loving family would work through these kinds of things together.

Whatever your believe of the likelyhood, or the greater indicator of the condition of the family that might or might not exist if true. My current bishop has stated that most children who go to him do not want their parents involved. It is what it is.

[Lyster]

I have no idea why you all think that a child would only confess to a bishop and not want their parents to ever know. That sounds like all round bad parenting and a very unloving home where a child would never trust their own parents and would rather talk to a bishop.

Whatever your believe of the likelyhood, or the greater indicator of the condition of the family that might or might not exist if true. My current bishop has stated that most children who go to him do not want their parents involved. It is what it is.

Sunain: I did just that in my youth. I was afraid of my parents, and less so of my bishop, who didn't live in my house. As a youth, that was my thought process, and it is shared among many youth.

However, having grown up, I realize how stupid that was. I know that my parents would not have reacted in the way that I thought they would. My parents were much more kind, loving, and understanding than I believed.

Repentance and fear don't go hand in hand. But, a child doesn't understand repentance. All they know is "try not to do it again". Which, for a youth, is a good starting point...

I very much agree that the parents should be the first line and the bishop the second. Perhaps the issue lies less with the youth's lack of understanding, or the parents' "aura of judgement (perceived)", but in the way that we teach repentance to youth. They are of course afraid to "wreak havoc on their poor parents' souls with their heinous sins of unimaginable filthiness on the level of Alma 36".

[abijah]

I fully agree that ideally the parents are the child’s foremost counsellors. But realistically you must acknowledge the fact that in a great many circumstances the parents are a negative influence rather than a positive. My stepdad is currently going through a pattern of apostasy, having been deceived by anti-mormon drivel, etc. He now claims the church is not true and takes issue with many doctrines and practices. Would I, as the elder brother of my immediate family, feel comfortable with my younger and tender siblings not having confidential access to their bishop? What if their dad should seek to interfere with the bishop’s counsel and inspired process? Can you not understand why a policy allowing for such would concern me?

[Gage]

Repentance and fear don't go hand in hand. But, a child doesn't understand repentance. All they know is "try not to do it again". Which, for a youth, is a good starting point...


All young men and women fear is getting caught.

[gardener4life]

I have no idea why you all think that a child would only confess to a bishop and not want their parents to ever know. That sounds like all round bad parenting and a very unloving home where a child would never trust their own parents and would rather talk to a bishop. The FIRST people to know about a sin grievous enough to warrant talking to a bishop should be the child's parents. Yes, there are a few fringe cases of abuse at home, but that's a police matter, otherwise a loving family would work through these kinds of things together.

Whatever your believe of the likelyhood, or the greater indicator of the condition of the family that might or might not exist if true. My current bishop has stated that most children who go to him do not want their parents involved. It is what it is.

This is true. Basically being an adult with kids doesn't guarantee you won't do something stupid or say something stupid. I really appreciate and care about my parents. But if I have a secret that I don't want someone to know, the LAST person I would tell is them. In the heat of the moment its guaranteed that they would slip up or say it. I think many parents are like that. They mean well and are good people but in a struggle over getting their way they would use someone's secrets as a weapon to get their way. Most people are very careless about saying stuff to hurt family members. And another thing they do is assume that because child B is nice to the parent that they will be nice to the other children. Then they mistakenly trust them. Then that Child burns someone by the parent not understanding that how they treat their parents and siblings is totally different when alone too. Usually Child B will be sweet talkative to the parent, but totally untrustworthy to Child A, C, and D. Then X happens. X is usually something that makes one of the others cry.

And if a parent is trying to force their way into a private interview with a church leader that shows aggression. Aggression and competition are usually indicators of not being able to trust someone.

You know also I was thinking most people are conditionally trustworthy, not trustworthy in all things. You can trust a family member with X, and Y, but not Z. Then I have another family member that I can trust with Z but not Y. And so on. People need to be understood in what they can handle and try to keep them in those areas, and then help them to try to grow that boundary out over time into other areas with edification through the Spirit.

[Rand]

I wonder what the Bishop is suppose to do when the parent wants to sit in, and the child doesn't want the parent to sit in on the interview?

[Lyster]

I wonder what the Bishop is suppose to do when the parent wants to sit in, and the child doesn't want the parent to sit in on the interview?

Then the child is stuck not being able to fully repent because of the parent and the child will have sin hanging over them.

Rand: the policy is that the person chooses if a person is allowed in. The parent stays outside in that instance. Then gets an earful when he/she gets home.

Celestial: repentance for most things isn't requisite upon telling your parents what you've done. That is as true at 30 as it is as 13. SHOULD YOU have an open and honest relationship with your parents? Yeah, definitely.

[Lyster]

Or the bishop tells the parents what happened anyway. It happens. Not going to throw percentages around, because I don't know. I just know it happened to me. In my case, it was the right option. It won't always be.

[abijah]

Or the bishop tells the parents what happened anyway. It happens. Not going to throw percentages around, because I don't know. I just know it happened to me. In my case, it was the right option. It won't always be.

I’ve known people who this has happened to. It really is a shame.

[kgrigio]

I have no idea why you all think that a child would only confess to a bishop and not want their parents to ever know. That sounds like all round bad parenting and a very unloving home where a child would never trust their own parents and would rather talk to a bishop. The FIRST people to know about a sin grievous enough to warrant talking to a bishop should be the child's parents. Yes, there are a few fringe cases of abuse at home, but that's a police matter, otherwise a loving family would work through these kinds of things together.

No matter how loving and caring a family is, there is something about disappointing your parents and having to feel shamed in their eyes, even if the parents wouldn't have shame and would only have love. Sometimes kids just can't rationalize their thinking and need someone they can talk to, someone who will help them see that all isn't lost and that their parents will still love them. A good bishop would council with the child and point out the love of the parents and encourage them to bring the parents into the process.

Then there is a flip side of the pious family. They aren't abusive or unloving or even bad parents, but they are pious. They are the ones that talk about what bad things the other kids do and say things like "I know no one in my family would ever do anything like that". They are the ones that pride themselves on how modest their kids dress and how strict they are with Sabbath day observance. They are the ones whose kids will say things like, "You aren't going to BYU? What sin are you committing to keep you out?" I had a child of a pious family say this to me when I decided not to go to BYU. You know this type of language comes from the parents and how they discuss others. Do you think a child in this family is going to open up to their parents about troubles in their lives and put them in the category their parents are always talking bad about?

In a real world none of this would be the case, but unfortunately I fear it happens way more than "a few fringe cases"

[Kiwi57]

I have no idea why you all think that a child would only confess to a bishop and not want their parents to ever know. That sounds like all round bad parenting and a very unloving home where a child would never trust their own parents and would rather talk to a bishop. The FIRST people to know about a sin grievous enough to warrant talking to a bishop should be the child's parents. Yes, there are a few fringe cases of abuse at home, but that's a police matter, otherwise a loving family would work through these kinds of things together.

It boggles my mind that people are even considering that this is going to affect repentance numbers significantly. If that is case, then there are WAY bigger family trust and love issues in the church currently than interviews with the bishop.

Also I find this announcement extremely deceiving because in all the stakes/wards/branches I've ever been in, if the parents requested to be in the interviews, they were never denied. Now its just a policy that will be added to the handbook. The current Handbook of Instructions says:

"Leaders should encourage parents to stay close to their children and to counsel them, allowing local Church leaders to act in a supporting role." Page 24

Leaders should only be a secondary support line as parents should be the main support for their children. If the church didn't restrict the access to that manual to only bishops and higher, people would actually know these things. Thank goodness for Wikileaks!

More specifically, the guidance says that if the person being interviewed desires another adult to be in there then they can be invited. So, a parent can't decide to be in the interview unless the child desires it.

Indeed. That means that a minor could meet with a bishop without telling to his/her parents. The minor just needs to make sure that the bishop asks someone else than a parent to wait in the adjoining room.

In practice, if a parent knows about an interview, it is quite hard to make him/her stay outside if he/she wants to be in. It takes courage from the minor to say to a parent that he/she is not welcome there.

That sounds like deception and an unloving family environment to me.

Teenagers almost always go through a stage when they'd rather talk to anyone but their parents. "Helicopter parenting" only makes matters worse.

And what if the kid wants to talk about physical or sexual abuse at home?

[Kiwi57]

I wonder what the Bishop is suppose to do when the parent wants to sit in, and the child doesn't want the parent to sit in on the interview?

Respect the wishes of the child.

[brianj]

I have no idea why you all think that a child would only confess to a bishop and not want their parents to ever know. That sounds like all round bad parenting and a very unloving home where a child would never trust their own parents and would rather talk to a bishop. The FIRST people to know about a sin grievous enough to warrant talking to a bishop should be the child's parents. Yes, there are a few fringe cases of abuse at home, but that's a police matter, otherwise a loving family would work through these kinds of things together.

Not everyone has the relationship with their parents that you think they should. Your own children may not even have that kind of relationship with you.

When I was a new member of the church there was a memorable incident where I was at a local Institute of Religion and one of the women said something about her father being the bishop in her ward. I responded with something along the lines of: "That's got to suck. You have to confess to your father?"

You may not want to accept this, but some people have very judgemental parents. Parents who would shame their children to the point of verbal abuse if they found out their kids fell short. Other kids would feel too embarrassed to confess to their parents. Some fear the judgements of their parents more than the judgements of God.

No, no young man or woman should be forced to endure their parents sitting in on an interview. If they choose to have a parent present, that's also their privilege.

[Gage]

I have no idea why you all think that a child would only confess to a bishop and not want their parents to ever know. That sounds like all round bad parenting and a very unloving home where a child would never trust their own parents and would rather talk to a bishop. The FIRST people to know about a sin grievous enough to warrant talking to a bishop should be the child's parents. Yes, there are a few fringe cases of abuse at home, but that's a police matter, otherwise a loving family would work through these kinds of things together.


What young female that is having sex confesses to their dad that she is sexually active? Nothing to do with bad parenting. When I was younger neither boys nor girls would even tell the Bishop.