Church Assistance

[Son of Liberty]

Went to my Bishop Last year we were in dire straights. Was told that if he helps us out that I'm pretty much asking the ward to take care of us like I'm some lazy no to do good punk kid. I have a wife and almost 2 year old daughter. All in all instead of feeling the spirit as usual when meeting with a bishop I felt the opposite shame guilt etc.

Now my car pooped out on me currently out of work full time still working part time as a substitute teacher, while running a small iphone repair business. Car is going to be $1500 rent is $1700. Before I went to the bishop he made me feel terrible I already tried to commit suicide a few months ago can't really take that kind of pressure guilt and sorrow being turned away from the church I have been a member of since I was 4 when I was adopted active member I pay tithing married an on member converted her she is very active. I know we aren't rich like the orthodontist bishop or the other pilots and lawyers in our ward. But when we ask for help we need it we don't need some smart reply. Why can't he start with a prayer as every other bishop has done why can't he counsel me with scriptures? Instead I get treated as a child I'm 27 I'm not perfect the bishop knows this I've beeen working on myself but I feel me being completely clean with the bishop has tainted his view of me and my ability to lead my family he won't take me seriously I don't know what else to do. We get govt assistance I can't make it to my ft job so am force to substitute I applied to att and am in the interview process. We aren't making ends meet in really questioning my ability as a child of god to lead my family home to Christ I don't think I'll make it at this point I've never tried to commit suicide or ever really thought about it but this past two years have been extremely challenging I figured if anyone would help the bishop would I pay my tithe I attend church I try and help others I don't tell my bishop this but god should know. Recently I tried counseling with a bishop in another ward I told him my feelings that more often than not my faith is failing my hope is failing and more often then not my waking thoughts revolve around ending my life and ending the suffering I put my family through. I told him I haven't acted on this impulse true and I didn't tell him about my past suicide attempt I can't even bring myself to tell my wife I don't want to scare her as it scares the living day lights out of me I almost hung myself a few months ago in a hotel on a wrestling trip that I was reffing. He ended up replying with your not in my ward and forwarded me a problem to my bishop I know his number if I wanted to talk to him I would. I am in his ward but my info hasn't been transferred we moved a few months ago. My bishop replied with Chris if you kill yourself you are going to leave your family high and dry I Dont know what would drive you to this thinking. I told him Respectfully I don't want to talk with you right now bishop I'm sorry. Later he texts my wife Chris I don't know why your mad at me. I'm not mad I just need help and instead of wisdom or a comforting hand I get this patronizing speech which I already understand I'm drowning my families drowning we need help who do I go to other than the bishop? I have paid my fair share well over the amount my rent and car would cost to fix all I need is my rent so my family isn't homeless but apparently my tithe isn't enough.


I think my bishop is either A stealing and keeping fast offerings or B they are paid positions and fast offerings are their payments. Why else would he refuse a member not just a member but a family in good standing who pays tithes. I'm not trying to seek attention with the suicide I suffer from mental illness in my family and can't seem to gain a grasp on this. I'm telling him how I really feel and am ignored and blown off tell me are we not our brothers keepers should we not lookout for the least among us. I just want to keep my family off the streets and keep my stress levels balanced enough I don't make another attempt.

[Son of Liberty]

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[gardener4life]

Pray to feel Christ's love. When things are bad that's what you do. You have to feel that he's real and that he's there. That's what's real. If you can feel the love of the savior you can get through the mental pressure. But the mental pressure can stop you from getting another job or going forward because when you go out to look for opportunities other people can feel it around you.

Just pray to feel the Savior's love for now. Then you can calm and get courage enough to get to the next step.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZa4-7njL6U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrE_ZhrPSRU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp9g1-X9gzQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO-I8XgU5ac

There has to be people with fixer upper cars in your ward...maybe beaters that their teenagers are using. You could even work out using buses if you need to. That part can be worked out. Rent, can be hard too but can be worked out, maybe you can find a cheaper place? Learn to live on less, (you already are I'm sure.) If you think only what you need, you and your wife could theoretically have a part time job each and work out a schedule of both taking care of the baby. If both of you do something part time even just 25 hours each a week you can make it in many areas.

One day I met with another sister by accident a few years ago. I'll never forget her testimony. She invited me in her humble home and shared some time with me. She told me how happy she was even though she lived in an apartment and not a house. Her riches were the gospel and a happy family. She told me how wonderful her husband was even though he wasn't rich and neither was she. Her husband's hourly wage was really low, but they were happy together. They didn't need a lot and were a young couple. Their house was only a 1 bedroom apartment but it was clean and smelled nice. they didn't focus on the world or what they didn't have but focused on the love of Christ and the gospel and the scriptures. Their apartment felt good to be in and clean not because of it being new or having a lot but because of how she tried to just make an older apartment clean. The spirit could be felt in the house.

I needed to meet that sister that day and know what she told me. It's valuable to know that there were humble good sisters that were able to live with their hearts not centered on the world and what they didn't have. What struck me was how wonderful and happy she felt to be around. Yet she had almost nothing temporally. But I was looking up to her like she was two feet taller than I am. (She was actually really short, but had great spiritual stature.) I don't even think her home had a TV in it. We don't need a lot of stuff. We just need shelter, food, and love.

You can get through this if you share your testimony of the gospel with your family. Teach them that being rich is being a whole family in the gospel and having real love that will last, and the love of the savior in your home and that you don't need riches to be happy. You don't need lots of money to live. My dad can't drive and walks everywhere but he's really happy even though he doesn't have a car anymore because his health isn't good to drive in. You only need to have the basics. There's a talk on this by Dallin H Oaks which will help to listen to. I will also tell you that Christ's power is flooding the homes of the humble and those that are learning to live on less but is vacant and hardly there in the mansions of the rich. Those people with big homes and hearts on wealth are leaving the church spiritually. You probably feel hurt and crying but your family and your situation can be worked out. I"m sure they were scarcely getting by and only had the roof over their head and food. But they were happy by focusing on their faith and their love together.

And don't hurt yourself. You are such a wonderful person and trying hard. Think how much courage you are using right now to have gotten this far! Keep on going! Get up! Don't throw away what good you have. You have many good things right now. You have a wife that loves you. Your children will love you! Just focus on staying employed for now. I also know in my ward some couples are struggling and don't even see each other much as they juggle jobs and babysitting.

But you have to start with daily feeling Christ's love with yourself and your wife. Tell her you love her and that your marriage is not a mistake and real. Tell her how you feel about the gratitude to be in the gospel. Even if you don't have a lot you can truly be happy still.

You really only need; food, shelter, fuel, and clothes (per Dallin H Oaks)

Here's a thought...when Christ came to visit the Nephites there's a verse where he tells them to 'pray on' even though they were already praying.

Why would he do that? Sometimes you just need to pray and hunker down until the bad times get through or until you can get past that tipping point. That's what you need right now. Just pray and stay down until you can get through it.

(And talk to your parents or your wife's parents to get through this. Relatives often will help more than others can.)

Helpful talks;

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/ ... n?lang=eng

I would encourage you to not share your bishop's counsel with you with others though and not to lash out. That will just make it worse.

Also in the future everyone will be living on less. It's going to happen for a lot of reasons. So it will be easier to accept people in need. It will be OK, but just keep your head up towards Christ.

If you want to get throough this love is the answer. You are going to have to make it a point to focus on love of the saviour and love as a family. That is the only way you are going to get through it. Love and being willing to sacrifice and go with faith.

[Son of Liberty]

This isn't me trying to get by while retaining a high living standard I live in Juneau Alaska highest per capita or whatever of millionaires per something or another 8.5% of my city are millionaires rent is exuberantly high. We only have 1 vehicle. One of the members was kind enough to lend us a vehicle for a month which is about the time it might take to fix my family's one and only car that we just bought. My parents are broke otherwise obviously the bishop has counseled that already my wife is Chinese and we don't have her green card she is out of status and is at risk of being deported even though we have a child we are told from a lawyer in our ward. My wife sews our clothes socks and underwear that have holes are sewn and resewn I know what it is to live on less. We stopped buying meat with our food card because we can't afford to buy it anymore prices keep going up and our food stamps stay the same. We eat rice and vegetables everyday. Sometimes noodles.My meagerly 18.75 isnt enough to continue growth im worried my wife will be deported as we don't have the $1500 to start her greencard process we have had the $ but didn't have the resources or ability to file it correctly eventually something would come up our savings for that would be blown. My wife isn't allowed to work without a greencard. We don't receive public assistance for three but for two because my wife can't be added because she isn't a citizen or not Mexican I don't know why but that's the case in Alaska. I assure you our minds and hearts each day our firmly set on Christ and his flock and lifting where we stand. That being said I'm at my end here and can't fathom or figure out a way. My nightmares are haunted by thoughts of my wife being taken away and me being stuck raising my daughter alone without a mother I am unfit for this task. Thanks for your time and thought gardener4life. Kind of just venting to LDSFF cuz I have no one else to vent to and really have no ideas I figured you guys couldn't possibly steer me anymore off course than I already am.


Also my Bishop knows just how not well off we are I just feel like he doesn't care. We're not in his click we're not doctors we're not in high esteemed callings I assure you I have done all in my power to make nice and be friendly and make friends with people in high places. It only works if both parties are receptive. Last time we went in to talk to him I told him I would sell my few valuables we do have 2 nice bicycles $1000 total we have a tv that my parents are lending us which we don't watch because we can't afford cable and honestly I hate that junk anyways and don't want to end up like my dad with diabetes and he believes everything that comes out of the Tele. My bishop knows my parents aren't well off as well and not well to do it's kind of insulting making us jump through these hoops just to insult us and not help us. Then patronize me for my feelings of being overwhelmed that I came to him for counsel and help with in the first place he acts as if they are off base or something. He wouldn't know the first thing about struggling as the hardest thing he's ever done is apply for medical school. Following in his daddy's footsteps. This isn't a poor me deal but I was adopted by a state trooper from an alcoholic and druggy mother. My adopted dad ended up losing custody of me for being abusive. I was readopted by my step dad after my adoptive mom remarried after she left my adoptive dad who was a trooper left him 150k+ in the whole all said and done between credit card debt and plane trips to go meet up with random guys from chat sites. She came back filed for divorce met my step dad fast forward age 16 mother who is promiscuous and step dad legally dad now also adulterer and abusive I decide I'm leaving age 16 I'm 25 now just last year I moved to Juneau to reconnect with my dad retired trooper now who maintained his activity in the church. After he lost custody I remained active only a few months. It was hard to remain active step dad was atheist and use to be Reorganized church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints he hated the church or any church and was closer to a satanist than anything he introduced me to porn which I still am battling today not his fault I know I have my agency. He and my adoptive mom both drove her from the church she used to be sealed to my dad who was a trooper. When I moved to Juneau from Palmer just a year ago about a year after my dad married his new wife who is now officially she doesn't know this yet but I call her mom in my heart but am scared to say it in person I don't know if she'll want me or accept me. But she seems to put up with me and possibly even like me even though I have said and done a couple hurtful things since being here. Anyways my adoptive mom messages my dad via Facebook and says you know we're still sealed in the temple.... Wtf is that, um, meanwhile my dad and new mom are trying to get sealed. I don't know how to do this but am trying to learn from my parents I want my family sealed and not to turn out like the family I left. This all being said I'm not looking for a handout but a hand up I don't need help every day or every month or every year but I do so now.

[gardener4life]

So what you are going to do is ask the bishop to help you get her 'work authorization status' asap. And you will research how to get that first. You don't have to have a full green card to get her to be able to help you. You can get work authorization faster than the full paperwork. Also because she's Chinese, it's likely she will want to help you compared to other cultures that want to push it onto the man. So you have some things you can work with. The immigration paperwork has changed recently so I don't know all of it anymore, but I had helped people go through this in the past. You want to research getting work authorization. And that is going to take some money to get that too but it will open doors for you.

Immigration processes can vary state to state because there's such a thing as quotas and letting a certain number through. I'm not sure how much work authorization costs in your state. But in CA a couple I know that went through this got work authorization for that sister within 8 months to a year I think(?) The basic idea is people can get work authorization while still pursuing the green card. But you have to not go in blind and ask a lot of questions to a lot of people to avoid traps, pitfalls, and wrong information.

For rice I don't think that's bad. I like rice. Rice and vegetables are healthy.

You can sustain yourself with groceries on rice, beans, and vegetables. (You will want to try to get beans in there for protein.) But plenty of people can make it on rice and beans. This is good. You are already making some headway here.

Alaska is a bit more costly than other areas so some of the stuff won't cost the same. But when you go to walmart down here you can get a 20 lb bag of rice for $8 dollars. (You do have to get something for protein...black beans, white beans, pinto beans work...and with a little soy sauce.) Since you are in Alaska potatoes will cost more. But the point is you can also tackle looking at what groceries you can do that will sustain you. (In the past other people I've talked to that went on no protein diets didn't do well health wise so be careful of that.)

I think it helps if you also think like...we're here to prove ourselves to Heavenly Father and to our families. You know that already and have heard that but what happens is sometimes people think like ...the grass looks greener in some other situation. Then they get tempted to want something else. You will still be tested in mortality but that's good. People that aren't doing good don't get tested much because they just hurt someone else to pass the test. So try to think like you are being tested because you are a good family, not because you aren't. You can't think a shortcut will get you through proving you deserve a wonderful spouse to be with in the next life.

[BeNotDeceived]

Have you considered talking to your stake president or joining the military?

[Son of Liberty]

Military is number one priority right now.

If I get this job at AT&T or this salary position with an advertising agency I'll go guard if not I want to go active duty. My wife and I have been mulling it over. My big deal is I'm not looking to ever go to war no I'm not a coward and will protect my loved ones and country here on our soil. However I firmly disbelieve in our never ending warring empire. Also it's a commandment thou shall not kill.

[Son of Liberty]

Have you considered talking to your stake president or joining the military?

Am I allowed to talk to him he is also a dentist and in that click. Seriously the whole high council in Juneau are dentists and orthodontist. I thought about going to Brother Gilbert(Stake President) But honestly I have really bad teeth my wife has wonderful teeth I kind of think they despise or look down upon me because I'm 26 and haven't had my teeth corrected I go to their church and have bad teeth.

I thought about it before but then he would just go bad mouth me to the bishop as they are buddy buddy and everyone would hate me worse for going behind his back and over his head. Also what could he do that the bishop can't I thought it has to be authorized by the bishop in your presiding area.

[gardener4life]

This thing where you are at odds with the bishop needs to stop. That's digging the hole deeper. You have to just weather through not caring what anyone thinks.

Go get work authorization for the wife.

[Juliet]

I would just remind the bishop that people pay fast offerings because they want to help people who need help. That is why I pay fast offerings. I want to help people. I don't want to make them feel bad. Anyone struggling in this economy, it isn't your fault. We have been in a recession since 2008.

Jesus never makes me feel bad for needing His help. Some people don't understand. Perhaps they have been poor so they judge others, when they don't see the Lord's hand in their life.

The bishop may not take care of you, but Jesus will. Go to Jesus. Do you think Jesus wants you to not be able to provide for your family?

Whatever Satan is doing, please I hope it isn't awkward, but I feel impressed to rebuke him for your sake and your family's sake in the name of Jesus Christ.

Now, go take care of your family. The way will be provided. And please, look to Jesus, not to a man or corporation. Maybe some day you will be giving advice. They say the first shall be last. Jesus is no respector of persons.

Please forgive your bishop. Leading is hard and he probably has no idea what you are feeling and going through. Try to sustain him and rebuke the enemy that may be interfering so that he can continue to learn and grow in his calling. Maybe he needs you to forgive him and show him unconditional love for his own progression. Maybe he is the poor one and you are there to teach him compassion for the poor. So forgive him.

God is wise. We don't see why people are brought together but in the end we will see how God used us all to overcome evil and it will be like a dramatic action movie.

[Son of Liberty]

By Gardener4life

"I think it helps if you also think like...we're here to prove ourselves to Heavenly Father and to our families. You know that already and have heard that but what happens is sometimes people think like ...the grass looks greener in some other situation. Then they get tempted to want something else. You will still be tested in mortality but that's good. People that aren't doing good don't get tested much because they just hurt someone else to pass the test. So try to think like you are being tested because you are a good family, not because you aren't. You can't think a shortcut will get you through proving you deserve a wonderful spouse to be with in the next life."



You should be a Bishop this is about all I needed thanks some scriptures would be welcome as well I'm not at odds with him I actually admire and like him very much but how can I ask again for help with work authorization and expect him to help me when he has denied this before and help with rent. I would think a family being homeless would be higher on a bishops list than work authorization. Recently for example a family needed a babysitter everyone else was charging a ton o money my wife offered to do it for $40 a day for 6-9hrs Bishop finds out about it because he is friends apparently with his couple this is when we had first moved to the ward. He calls us in just to talk about his dentist friends kids and not making him look bad or the church..... then we were free to leave??? Targeted much I still try to give him the benefit of the doubt I try to give him hugs shake his hand make eye contact Greet him follow his advice keep him updated on my progression but this type of attitude is what I'm greeted with. My wife also feels targeted and ridiculed at times by the bishop not her specifically but our family as a whole.

[Son of Liberty]

I would just remind the bishop that people pay fast offerings because they want to help people who need help. That is why I pay fast offerings. I want to help people. I don't want to make them feel bad. Anyone struggling in this economy, it isn't your fault. We have been in a recession since 2008.

Jesus never makes me feel bad for needing His help. Some people don't understand. Perhaps they have been poor so they judge others, when they don't see the Lord's hand in their life.

The bishop may not take care of you, but Jesus will. Go to Jesus. Do you think Jesus wants you to not be able to provide for your family?

Whatever Satan is doing, please I hope it isn't awkward, but I feel impressed to rebuke him for your sake and your family's sake in the name of Jesus Christ.

Now, go take care of your family. The way will be provided. And please, look to Jesus, not to a man or corporation. Maybe some day you will be giving advice. They say the first shall be last. Jesus is no respector of persons.

Please forgive your bishop. Leading is hard and he probably has no idea what you are feeling and going through. Try to sustain him and rebuke the enemy that may be interfering so that he can continue to learn and grow in his calling. Maybe he needs you to forgive him and show him unconditional love for his own progression. Maybe he is the poor one and you are there to teach him compassion for the poor. So forgive him.

God is wise. We don't see why people are brought together but in the end we will see how God used us all to overcome evil and it will be like a dramatic action movie.

Thanks Juliet. I know I may come off as having a bone to pick with him. I don't however I am however upset confused scared and he is the leader of the flock and who I'm directed to go to for help in faith I've done so and been rebuked in hurtful ways. When I reached out to the other bishop and my Bishop called me telling me how suicide won't help and will hurt my family and leave them alone , I knew these things which is why I didn't go to him. It's like he doesn't get it I understand the blatantly obvious what I would like and would of consoled me is some scriptures a prayer a hug instead I'm rebuked for my feelings with a patronizing speech and tone which is just stating the obvious I need help that I can't get from him either because he doesn't have it or won't give it. I don't know how to forgive him or feel the need to because he hasn't done anything wrong really I understand this is my feelings physically he has done nothing to us. I guess that's what hurts is he hasn't done anything. I don't hate him or anything I actually admire envy and look up to him, but My family need his help and support and love and wisdom and guidance. He seems more often aloof with us and not really their. As I have opened up to you guys today I have opened up to him and more told him things I have never told others when I moved here I felt a spirit about him and trusted him whole heartedly to get my family on track and to help guide us to the temple and home to our Heavenly Father. But am confused by his words actions inactions and am puzzled and torn because I see him live others and help others and I want the same from him but I don't recieve it. No not $$ I'm talking the time of day. Say an opening prayer and closing prayer in meetings he had never done so with my family??? There's lots of other little things I'm not trying to make them big things, but what have I done or my wife to be shunned when we pay tithing and have been active members since my reactivation and my wife's baptism.Why he doesn't take me or my family seriously and I don't know where else to turn but feel more oft than not prompted and compelled to ask him and open up to him and go to him.

[Son of Liberty]

This thing where you are at odds with the bishop needs to stop. That's digging the hole deeper. You have to just weather through not caring what anyone thinks.

Go get work authorization for the wife.

If it was as easy as talking or seeing the bishop and getting work authorization for my wife I would of had it a while ago.

[BeNotDeceived]

Military is number one priority right now.

If I get this job at AT&T or this salary position with an advertising agency I'll go guard if not I want to go active duty. My wife and I have been mulling it over. My big deal is I'm not looking to ever go to war no I'm not a coward and will protect my loved ones and country here on our soil. However I firmly disbelieve in our never ending warring empire. Also it's a commandment thou shall not kill.

Guard is great; Ground Radar or ATC if you’re not technically inclined are the best AFSCs IMO. I started with four years active, but wish I’d signed up for 6. Lots of good opportunities and opens many doors. War and Peace is my favorite talk by President Hinkley, where he explains that it’s good to fight for just causes.

[inho]

Son of Liberty,
I am sorry to hear about your bad experiences with your bishop. I wish I had something wise to say, I wish I could fix all your problems, but I don't know how. Bishops are people too. Some of them are more compassionate than others. I'm sorry your bishop wasn't able to show compassion towards you. Have hope, things usually get better eventually.

[brianj]

Military is number one priority right now.

If I get this job at AT&T or this salary position with an advertising agency I'll go guard if not I want to go active duty. My wife and I have been mulling it over. My big deal is I'm not looking to ever go to war no I'm not a coward and will protect my loved ones and country here on our soil. However I firmly disbelieve in our never ending warring empire. Also it's a commandment thou shall not kill.

The verse in Exodus more accurately translates to 'thou shalt not do murder'. Think about this: if killing for any reason were a sin, why would Nephite armies and particularly Helaman's sons be supported by God and held as examples in the scriptures?

But if you think that you will lose eternity for defending your nation or defending others in need of protection, keep in mind that a majority of servicemen are in non-combat roles. And if you are looking for career preparation, non-combat roles will be far more helpful toward getting a good civilian job after discharge.

Whatever you do, avoid jobs like intelligence that will require a security clearance. Until your wife has legal residency, you probably don't want the feds taking a really close look at you.

And you can be upset with your Bishop, but remember he is far from perfect. Use this as an example of what you want to oppose when you have a leadership calling. When I had been a member of the church for only six months, a Bishop invited me into his office and sharply reprimanded me for giving a testimony from the podium in church! A couple of weeks later he invited me back to his office and told me he wanted me on a mission in three months. I was really hurt and upset, firmly believing that he knew that I couldn't go on a mission that quickly because I wouldn't have been a church member for a year yet. It clearly came across to me as his saying that he didn't want me in his ward, and I don't think I returned to that ward until he had been released. These days I have matured enough to know that he was clueless; he had no idea I was a new church member.

[Thinker]

Son of Liberty,
Bummer things are tough right now for you & your family. Whatever you do, keep active (depression means to hold down). Also, look into healing cognitive distortions & lifetraps (2 best things I got from therapy). Realize that you are not alone - God and who knows how many angels - stand waiting & hoping to help you, all you need to ask and do your part.

Even for Jueneau, your rent is high. Find a cheaper place. And look into the car deal - that’s a big hunk of monthly change too. See if after fixing your car, you can sell it & buy a cheaper car. Focus on working - & once you get a better handle, look into getting some certification (like in radiology, etc) which is short, inexpensive schooling yet pays pretty well to support your family. Good luck, God bless!

[Juliet]

I would just remind the bishop that people pay fast offerings because they want to help people who need help. That is why I pay fast offerings. I want to help people. I don't want to make them feel bad. Anyone struggling in this economy, it isn't your fault. We have been in a recession since 2008.

Jesus never makes me feel bad for needing His help. Some people don't understand. Perhaps they have been poor so they judge others, when they don't see the Lord's hand in their life.

The bishop may not take care of you, but Jesus will. Go to Jesus. Do you think Jesus wants you to not be able to provide for your family?

Whatever Satan is doing, please I hope it isn't awkward, but I feel impressed to rebuke him for your sake and your family's sake in the name of Jesus Christ.

Now, go take care of your family. The way will be provided. And please, look to Jesus, not to a man or corporation. Maybe some day you will be giving advice. They say the first shall be last. Jesus is no respector of persons.

Please forgive your bishop. Leading is hard and he probably has no idea what you are feeling and going through. Try to sustain him and rebuke the enemy that may be interfering so that he can continue to learn and grow in his calling. Maybe he needs you to forgive him and show him unconditional love for his own progression. Maybe he is the poor one and you are there to teach him compassion for the poor. So forgive him.

God is wise. We don't see why people are brought together but in the end we will see how God used us all to overcome evil and it will be like a dramatic action movie.

Thanks Juliet. I know I may come off as having a bone to pick with him. I don't however I am however upset confused scared and he is the leader of the flock and who I'm directed to go to for help in faith I've done so and been rebuked in hurtful ways. When I reached out to the other bishop and my Bishop called me telling me how suicide won't help and will hurt my family and leave them alone , I knew these things which is why I didn't go to him. It's like he doesn't get it I understand the blatantly obvious what I would like and would of consoled me is some scriptures a prayer a hug instead I'm rebuked for my feelings with a patronizing speech and tone which is just stating the obvious I need help that I can't get from him either because he doesn't have it or won't give it. I don't know how to forgive him or feel the need to because he hasn't done anything wrong really I understand this is my feelings physically he has done nothing to us. I guess that's what hurts is he hasn't done anything. I don't hate him or anything I actually admire envy and look up to him, but My family need his help and support and love and wisdom and guidance. He seems more often aloof with us and not really their. As I have opened up to you guys today I have opened up to him and more told him things I have never told others when I moved here I felt a spirit about him and trusted him whole heartedly to get my family on track and to help guide us to the temple and home to our Heavenly Father. But am confused by his words actions inactions and am puzzled and torn because I see him live others and help others and I want the same from him but I don't recieve it. No not $$ I'm talking the time of day. Say an opening prayer and closing prayer in meetings he had never done so with my family??? There's lots of other little things I'm not trying to make them big things, but what have I done or my wife to be shunned when we pay tithing and have been active members since my reactivation and my wife's baptism.Why he doesn't take me or my family seriously and I don't know where else to turn but feel more oft than not prompted and compelled to ask him and open up to him and go to him.

Well, obviously if he had been where you have been, he wouldn't be so callous toward your pain.

You are the leader of your home, but does that make you the most experienced, or do you recognize your need to learn from your wife and children? It is no different with our church leaders. Jesus isn't going to hold your growth back because you are learning more than your priesthood leader. So, if you know more about experiencing a broken heart and contrite spirit than your leaders, then it is OK to acknowledge that.

The head is no better than anyone else and part of sustaining is recognizing you are there to serve more than receive from the head. No, he hasn't done anything wrong technically because we don't have the words to accuse him of a crime. But our emotions have their own language and impart to us a knowledge of right and wrong. So if the treatment you received made you feel bad, you should learn from it, and don't treat someone the way this person treated you because you don't want to make others feel bad.

It is hard when those we expect to love us can't help. Jesus was very hurt his disciples couldn't help him during his darkest hour. It seems it just works out that way.

I have learned that people are afraid to see others in pain, so they try to get rid of their discomfort by blaming the person in pain. But usually it isn't your fault and even if it was, you still deserve mercy since we all bring pain on ourselves just like kids fall learning to walk.

If you cant forgive him because he did no wrong, just recognize his lack of experience in emotional intelligence and experience, and commit to do better for others if you are given that chance, since you know what those dark feelings are like.

[MMbelieve]

After reading some of this thread, I have to wonder why the bishop won't help financially? If your ward and stake are wealthy people then there is an abundance of resources in that ward/stake.

When my husband got laid off years ago, they were pushing food assistance at us immediately and said no need to wait until we needed it and to save our cash. It was actually uncomfortable and we did make a small order (again, asking if I was sure that was all we needed). Found out, our ward was well off and we had an abundance of money to help members.

I find it weird that he won't help you. It's his job to help you. And you may consider the relief society president as she is actually the one who will help to put food orders together. Relief Society...they should be the ones to go to, imo - for RELIEF.

I wish you well, keep your head up. Guard your testimony!
I would advise you to confide in your wife, she loves you and wants you to succeed and the family to suceed. She can help you and comfort you and even counsel with you. Don't go life alone...it's too lonely and scary that way

Hug your child every chance you get!

[gardener4life]

Son of Liberty,
I am sorry to hear about your bad experiences with your bishop. I wish I had something wise to say, I wish I could fix all your problems, but I don't know how. Bishops are people too. Some of them are more compassionate than others. I'm sorry your bishop wasn't able to show compassion towards you. Have hope, things usually get better eventually.

That was a nice thing to say. Thanks inho. It is true that some are more compassionate than others.

But it is clear in the scriptures that we are to support one another and bear one another's burdens like Alma describes in the waters of mormon.

And to Son of Liberty, if you think he isn't compassionate don't let him bait you. If you really think he's not wanting to help don't let him have a reason not to.

[gardener4life]

After reading some of this thread, I have to wonder why the bishop won't help financially? If your ward and stake are wealthy people then there is an abundance of resources in that ward/stake.

When my husband got laid off years ago, they were pushing food assistance at us immediately and said no need to wait until we needed it and to save our cash. It was actually uncomfortable and we did make a small order (again, asking if I was sure that was all we needed). Found out, our ward was well off and we had an abundance of money to help members.

I find it weird that he won't help you. It's his job to help you. And you may consider the relief society president as she is actually the one who will help to put food orders together. Relief Society...they should be the ones to go to, imo - for RELIEF.

I wish you well, keep your head up. Guard your testimony!
I would advise you to confide in your wife, she loves you and wants you to succeed and the family to suceed. She can help you and comfort you and even counsel with you. Don't go life alone...it's too lonely and scary that way

Hug your child every chance you get!

Actually its surprising that the Relief Society route might be better. I've been in some wards where they were able to help new bishops understand their duty. (They didn't tell them what to do or steamroll them. But they could get them to listen because of being known for being a good example and knowing the truth.) I'm really glad you mentioned this. It's also true that the innocent and the just and the repentant need our help. And I think sometimes why Relief Society's will have more clear views is they are less aware of the clouded by the world.

One thing I've heard of is that around the holidays there are more people asking for assistance. But I don't think that all of them are as genuine. If some people are asking for help so their kids can get better toys while some are in danger of losing a place to live then that would be mixed up priorities. In this case though, I want to encourage Liberty to really try to get along with the bishop even if you don't think HE is trying. It makes a difference.

You could be right that a well of ward will have a big abundance sometimes. And they can draw on stake resources even though they are taught to not do so as much as possible.

And from the Relief Society & Priesthood manual we are using this very year; (From Chapter 4 of the Gordon B Hinckley teachings of the Presidents)



The rescue of the Willie and Martin handcart pioneers speaks of the very essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I take you back to … October 1856. On Saturday [October 4,] Franklin D. Richards and a handful of associates arrived in [the Salt Lake] valley. They had traveled from Winter Quarters with strong teams and light wagons and had been able to make good time. Brother Richards immediately sought out President Young. He reported that there were hundreds of men, women, and children scattered over the long trail … to [the Salt Lake] valley. Most of them were pulling handcarts. … Ahead of them lay a trail that was uphill all the way to the Continental Divide with many, many miles beyond that. They were in desperate trouble. … All of them would perish unless they were rescued.

I think President Young did not sleep that night. I think visions of those destitute … people paraded through his mind.

The next morning he … said to the people:
“I will now give this people the subject and the text for the Elders who may speak. … It is this. … Many of our brethren and sisters are on the plains with handcarts, and probably many are now seven hundred miles [1,100 kilometers] from this place, and they must be brought here, we must send assistance to them. The text will be, ‘to get them here.’
“That is my religion; that is the dictation of the Holy Ghost that I possess. It is to save the people.
“I shall call upon the Bishops this day. I shall not wait until tomorrow, nor until the next day, for 60 good mule teams and 12 or 15 wagons. I do not want to send oxen. I want good horses and mules. They are in this Territory, and we must have them. Also 12 tons of flour and 40 good teamsters, besides those that drive the teams.
“I will tell you all that your faith, religion, and profession of religion, will never save one soul of you in the Celestial Kingdom of our God, unless you carry out just such principles as I am now teaching you. Go and bring in those people now on the plains” (in LeRoy R. Hafen and Ann W. Hafen, Handcarts to Zion [1960], 120–21). (This is why I love BY and don't like people slandering him like has happened on this forum recently. This is as true doctrine as we ever need.)

That afternoon food, bedding, and clothing in great quantities were assembled by the women.
The next morning, horses were shod and wagons were repaired and loaded.
The following morning, Tuesday, 16 mule teams pulled out and headed eastward. By the end of October there were 250 teams on the road to give relief.When the rescuers reached the beleaguered Saints, they were like angels from heaven. People wept tears of gratitude. The handcart people were transferred into wagons so they could travel more quickly to the Salt Lake community.
Some two hundred died, but a thousand were saved. (Why do people have to suffer before we're willing to help them?)

And we can well remember the words of Christ; insomuch as you have done it unto the least of these your brethren, you have done it unto me.

This is just my opinion but if it gets to the point where we aren't willing to help people then us and our children will have to go through those experiences too until we are willing to help.

Liberty too you can ask yourself and pray also to Heavenly Father that if he helps you in this that at some future date you will also help someone in need when it's your turn to be in Brent's position.

[Matchmaker]

Went to my Bishop Last year we were in dire straights. Was told that if he helps us out that I'm pretty much asking the ward to take care of us like I'm some lazy no to do good punk kid. I have a wife and almost 2 year old daughter. All in all instead of feeling the spirit as usual when meeting with a bishop I felt the opposite shame guilt etc.

Now my car pooped out on me currently out of work full time still working part time as a substitute teacher, while running a small iphone repair business. Car is going to be $1500 rent is $1700. Before I went to the bishop he made me feel terrible I already tried to commit suicide a few months ago can't really take that kind of pressure guilt and sorrow being turned away from the church I have been a member of since I was 4 when I was adopted active member I pay tithing married an on member converted her she is very active. I know we aren't rich like the orthodontist bishop or the other pilots and lawyers in our ward. But when we ask for help we need it we don't need some smart reply. Why can't he start with a prayer as every other bishop has done why can't he counsel me with scriptures? Instead I get treated as a child I'm 27 I'm not perfect the bishop knows this I've beeen working on myself but I feel me being completely clean with the bishop has tainted his view of me and my ability to lead my family he won't take me seriously I don't know what else to do. We get govt assistance I can't make it to my ft job so am force to substitute I applied to att and am in the interview process. We aren't making ends meet in really questioning my ability as a child of god to lead my family home to Christ I don't think I'll make it at this point I've never tried to commit suicide or ever really thought about it but this past two years have been extremely challenging I figured if anyone would help the bishop would I pay my tithe I attend church I try and help others I don't tell my bishop this but god should know. Recently I tried counseling with a bishop in another ward I told him my feelings that more often than not my faith is failing my hope is failing and more often then not my waking thoughts revolve around ending my life and ending the suffering I put my family through. I told him I haven't acted on this impulse true and I didn't tell him about my past suicide attempt I can't even bring myself to tell my wife I don't want to scare her as it scares the living day lights out of me I almost hung myself a few months ago in a hotel on a wrestling trip that I was reffing. He ended up replying with your not in my ward and forwarded me a problem to my bishop I know his number if I wanted to talk to him I would. I am in his ward but my info hasn't been transferred we moved a few months ago. My bishop replied with Chris if you kill yourself you are going to leave your family high and dry I Dont know what would drive you to this thinking. I told him Respectfully I don't want to talk with you right now bishop I'm sorry. Later he texts my wife Chris I don't know why your mad at me. I'm not mad I just need help and instead of wisdom or a comforting hand I get this patronizing speech which I already understand I'm drowning my families drowning we need help who do I go to other than the bishop? I have paid my fair share well over the amount my rent and car would cost to fix all I need is my rent so my family isn't homeless but apparently my tithe isn't enough.


I think my bishop is either A stealing and keeping fast offerings or B they are paid positions and fast offerings are their payments. Why else would he refuse a member not just a member but a family in good standing who pays tithes. I'm not trying to seek attention with the suicide I suffer from mental illness in my family and can't seem to gain a grasp on this. I'm telling him how I really feel and am ignored and blown off tell me are we not our brothers keepers should we not lookout for the least among us. I just want to keep my family off the streets and keep my stress levels balanced enough I don't make another attempt.

I don't know if it is against the forum rules or not, but it sounds like what you need now is cash to get you over the hump. Perhaps if you were able to list your name and address on here, some who have more than enough might be able to donate a modest amount to your cause and help you toward a rent payment. Possibly you could get some help via a Go Fund Me account.

[Crackers]

It is hard to get a feel for what's going on with your bishop. Requests for assistance can be denied for various reasons, but usually (in my experience) it is because the bishop doesn't see the individual or family making the requested steps towards greater self sufficiency. If you have made repeated requests for help but have failed to follow through with suggestions or direction given you, this could be the reason. If this isn't the case, maybe you could ask for suggestions as to what you can do to improve your situation and then show that you can follow through. Even if they don't seem helpful to you, it shows your willingness to receive direction and could soften his disposition toward helping you. Bishops aren't perfect, just like the rest of us. Stay hopeful and do what you can. Things will turn around.

[TheSnail]

Your bishop doesn't get a dime.

Keep in mind that the average bishop puts in 27 to 30 hours a week. I can assure you that he is not trying to do anything wrong.

If your bishop were perfect, he'd be released so someone else could struggle in the calling. With that said, he was called by the Lord, and is qualified by Him.

I'm sorry for all you are going through. Sometimes life sucks, and I don't have any great advice for that, other that what has given me help. The holy ghost, priesthood blessings, sincere prayer, journal writing, and reaching out to wise men I felt I could confide in for advice. Thanks for doing your best and taking care of your family. It sounds like things are already on thier way to getting better.

[farmerchick]

Liberty,
You been given great advice. I've been in a similar position as a young twenty to thirty something. I'm a grandma now, but as I look back on my struggles, especially times of uncertain financials, I see that as I trusted in the Lord to help me through it, I always just had enough. Not a dollar more and usually not a nickel more, but I always made it. I never stopped trying even though the future looked very bleak and there was no way logically speaking for me to make it. I wanted to end my life a few times as well because I felt it would be easier. Things were very hard for me. But somehow, through unforeseen opportunities, unforeseen turn of events, and always paying my tithing, I made it just barely. I've been without a car, a home, and good employment, as well as being divorced with children and no child support. I cut my expenses, went without, worked as much as I could and never asked the bishop for help. I've eaten top ramen for weeks on end, lived in a basement and drove around really beat up cars that broke down all the time. It didn't hurt me! My family helped out but in hindsight I wish they hadn't. They prolonged my journey of misery by not allowing me to learn valuable lessons that no one can teach you.. No matter what happens even if it's the worst scenario possible, always remember the sting of it is temporary, as long as you are still alive. You will learn what not to do through this experience. You will also learn what to do through this experience as you navigate through it. That kind of knowledge is priceless. Your future is as bright as you make it. Light your inner fire and remember when the going gets tough, the tough get going. You can turn this around without the bishop. Addition and subtraction are the only real skills you need. Does my income equal my outgo and if it doesn't, cut appropriately until it does. Do whatever is necessary to make it work. Fast and pray for employment opportunities and do whatever is necessary. Selfishness is what drives some of us to seek the easy way out. Your bishop is giving you an opportunity possibly without knowing it to develop character and skills that will serve you well during your life. You just have to figure this out. I figured it out and I will never ever be in that position again. Lessened learned. You can do it too. Learning how to fish (sometimes on your own) instead of being given a fish is really the better gift. Trust in the Lord and do what is necessary to lift yourself out of this. You are your greatest asset.