Marriage - don't know how to find spouse

[Elizabeth]

Better to be happy single than to lower your standards and be miserable married.

I have been to LDS single activities myself in Perth as well as in Brisbane, Sydney, Britain and America, all seemed much the same.

My daughter is particular, the men who interest her must be healthy, fit, tall and slim... as well as other characteristics.

I don’t mean this to be flip but maybe she has too many condition to the point no man will ever measure up. There was only one perfect man and he is not available.

[Silver]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

I have been to LDS single activities myself in Perth as well as in Brisbane, Sydney, Britain and America, all seemed much the same.

My daughter is particular, the men who interest her must be healthy, fit, tall and slim... as well as other characteristics.

Minimum acceptable characteristics include:

The use of two commas to specify annual income.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

[Gage]

If a LDS young single female cannot find a LDS priesthood holder that can provide the things she needs she will marry outside the Church. I see more and more girls marrying the rich non members and coming to Church alone. These young folks are not worried about eternal families, they are worried about big houses, big boats, and a bank account filled with cash.

[Fiannan]

Mormon women breakdown.

Ages 18 - 22: Must be return missionary with good earning potential.

23 - 26: Must have good degree and hopefully was return missionary.

27 - 31: Must have job and active in Church

32 - 36: Hope he is a member.

37 - : Alive.

[Matchmaker]

Mormon women breakdown.

Ages 18 - 22: Must be return missionary with good earning potential.

23 - 26: Must have good degree and hopefully was return missionary.

27 - 31: Must have job and active in Church

32 - 36: Hope he is a member.

37 - : Alive.

I had to laugh at this one!

[lundbaek]

See the latest Ensign magazine.

[Spaced_Out]

Better to be happy single than to lower your standards and be miserable married.

Very true marriage is a higher law if if one can't be happy single being married could very well be a lot worse.

I get the feeling that the person who started this thread is looking to get married to get out of a bad situation, but not so much focused on the implications of marriage. But it is still the right things to do... Develop one's talents get a good job and move oneself to a place where one is independent then it is much easier to focus on the real priorities in life and also reduce the potential to make a very serious mistake.

[Spaced_Out]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

I have been to LDS single activities myself in Perth as well as in Brisbane, Sydney, Britain and America, all seemed much the same.

My daughter is particular, the men who interest her must be healthy, fit, tall and slim... as well as other characteristics.

Minimum acceptable characteristics include:

The use of two commas to specify annual income.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

Yes, but it is not raciest it is more culture, having common outlook on life and heritage which is a very different discussion.

[Ezra]

In the ward I am in there is like 8 female active YSA one partially active male. My two YSA daughters have never been on any date or had any male friend in the church, the youngest one is now finishing her degree this year. They long ago gave up looking for any male partners/friends/dates etc just move on with their lives. The Bishop now has the missionaries teaching the YSA Sunday school class and they don't even attend the investigators class, but most of the YSA are placed into primary and there is no functioning YSA group.

I had a friend who went through a divorce. He was extremely devout but innactive. He was in his 30s and moved to Utah. He was generally going on dates with females 19 - 25, some return missionaries and he only dated stunning women. He said he averaged 6 dates a week and no, he just had a low-paying working-class job. And this was over a decade ago.

A message to LDS women: Unless your guy is into gay porn just ignore it. Unless your guy drinks hard alcohol and smokes ignore the coffee and energy drinks. Unless your guy refuses to work or refuses to have children then adapt. You are luckier than you can imagine. Ingratitude is one of the worse sins there is.

Seriously?? Women, don't lower your standards because some people have a low opinion of the men who are available in the dating pool. There are good ones to be had.

At the same time young women should not erect such high standards that no one could ever meet them. My youngest son has a hard time getting LDS girls to pay much attention to him? He is worthy hold a recommend and everything. The problem? He a chief petty officer in the Navy so no mission and no fancy college degree.

Could be they are not interested in having a husband that can be shipped off and killed in the newest gadiantan cause.

[h_p]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

You're always saying how people should be allowed to associate with their own race. What if your daughter fell in love with a black man and wanted to marry him? Does she have that right, too?

[Silver]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

Minimum acceptable characteristics include:

The use of two commas to specify annual income.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

Yes, but it is not raciest it is more culture, having common outlook on life and heritage which is a very different discussion.

Even though Elizabeth, the racist, thanked you for your post, your point is not what she wrote. A 4th generation Chinese-Australian would share a "common outlook on life and heritage" yet still appear Chinese which would make him a non-starter in the eyes of Elizabeth, the racist.

[Fiannan]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

I have been to LDS single activities myself in Perth as well as in Brisbane, Sydney, Britain and America, all seemed much the same.

My daughter is particular, the men who interest her must be healthy, fit, tall and slim... as well as other characteristics.

Minimum acceptable characteristics include:

The use of two commas to specify annual income.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

What triggered that accusation Silver?

[Rose Garden]

This is not a unique problem. My beautiful, tall, slim, fit, healthy, abundantly financially secure daughter has given up on finding an LDS husband to her liking.

In the ward I am in there is like 8 female active YSA one partially active male. My two YSA daughters have never been on any date or had any male friend in the church, the youngest one is now finishing her degree this year. They long ago gave up looking for any male partners/friends/dates etc just move on with their lives. The Bishop now has the missionaries teaching the YSA Sunday school class and they don't even attend the investigators class, but most of the YSA are placed into primary and there is no functioning YSA group.

I had a friend who went through a divorce. He was extremely devout but innactive. He was in his 30s and moved to Utah. He was generally going on dates with females 19 - 25, some return missionaries and he only dated stunning women. He said he averaged 6 dates a week and no, he just had a low-paying working-class job. And this was over a decade ago.

A message to LDS women: Unless your guy is into gay porn just ignore it. Unless your guy drinks hard alcohol and smokes ignore the coffee and energy drinks. Unless your guy refuses to work or refuses to have children then adapt. You are luckier than you can imagine. Ingratitude is one of the worse sins there is.

Setting standards for the person you marry is essential to assure a good marriage but what the standards are is what will make the difference. For example, requiring that your future spouse be respectful is absolutely necessary, I believe, if you intend to build a happy marriage that will last. I also believe it's okay to have other requirements, like being physically fit or excelling in romance. You are trying to find someone who you personally can live happily with.

The key is, whatever standards you set for your spouse, you need to be working on achieving yourself. You shouldn't be expecting a person to bring something into your life that you yourself aren't working for. But if you are hoping for someone to add to what you already have, then you are more likely to find the right person.

[gkearney]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

I find this remark troubling in the extreme. I would hope that personal traits such as loyalty, kindness, and faith would play a more important role than ethnicity. Particularly give that every living person on the planet has some African background.

Under this condition a worthy Asian young man, is disqualified even if his family had lived in Australia for many generations such a the Japanese community in Brome has (150+ Years). Also what would be your response if your daughter came home with a young man who was aboriginal Australian?

I was going to suggest that perhaps I should introduce my son to your daughter but given the remarks above I must reconsider should she share her mother’s views.

[David13]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

I have been to LDS single activities myself in Perth as well as in Brisbane, Sydney, Britain and America, all seemed much the same.

My daughter is particular, the men who interest her must be healthy, fit, tall and slim... as well as other characteristics.

Minimum acceptable characteristics include:

The use of two commas to specify annual income.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

Preferences are not racism. Taste is not racism.
dc

[Silver]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

I find this remark troubling in the extreme. I would hope that personal traits such as loyalty, kindness, and faith would play a more important role than ethnicity. Particularly give that every living person on the planet has some African background.

Under this condition a worthy Asian young man, is disqualified even if his family had lived in Australia for many generations such a the Japanese community in Brome has (150+ Years). Also what would be your response if your daughter came home with a young man who was aboriginal Australian?

I was going to suggest that perhaps I should introduce my son to your daughter but given the remarks above I must reconsider should she share her mother’s views.

You're right, of course. The sort of bigotry Elizabeth exhibits has no place in the Church or on this forum. I don't know why she hasn't been banned already.

Regarding the highlighted portion of your post, you realize of course that by you reconsidering you have automatically disqualified your posterity of any chance of marrying into the royal bloodline of Elizabeth, the racist. Consider yourself lucky.

[Silver]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

Minimum acceptable characteristics include:

The use of two commas to specify annual income.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

Preferences are not racism. Taste is not racism.
dc

Rejection based on race is racism.

[David13]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

Minimum acceptable characteristics include:

The use of two commas to specify annual income.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

What triggered that accusation Silver?

His total lack of knowledge as to what racism is and what racism is not, that's what.
dc

[David13]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

Preferences are not racism. Taste is not racism.
dc

Rejection based on race is racism.

No it isn't.

If I were to say I must marry a woman, you would accuse me of ... 'sexism'. You just overdo what you are doing.
dc

[gkearney]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

Minimum acceptable characteristics include:

The use of two commas to specify annual income. 8-)

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

Preferences are not racism. Taste is not racism.
dc

This is not preference or taste. This is the disqualification of any, regardless of all other qualities based upon race alone. This is the very definition of racism.

[David13]

This is not a unique problem. My beautiful, tall, slim, fit, healthy, abundantly financially secure daughter has given up on finding an LDS husband to her liking.

In the ward I am in there is like 8 female active YSA one partially active male. My two YSA daughters have never been on any date or had any male friend in the church, the youngest one is now finishing her degree this year. They long ago gave up looking for any male partners/friends/dates etc just move on with their lives. The Bishop now has the missionaries teaching the YSA Sunday school class and they don't even attend the investigators class, but most of the YSA are placed into primary and there is no functioning YSA group.

I had a friend who went through a divorce. He was extremely devout but innactive. He was in his 30s and moved to Utah. He was generally going on dates with females 19 - 25, some return missionaries and he only dated stunning women. He said he averaged 6 dates a week and no, he just had a low-paying working-class job. And this was over a decade ago.

A message to LDS women: Unless your guy is into gay porn just ignore it. Unless your guy drinks hard alcohol and smokes ignore the coffee and energy drinks. Unless your guy refuses to work or refuses to have children then adapt. You are luckier than you can imagine. Ingratitude is one of the worse sins there is.

Setting standards for the person you marry is essential to assure a good marriage but what the standards are is what will make the difference. For example, requiring that your future spouse be respectful is absolutely necessary, I believe, if you intend to build a happy marriage that will last. I also believe it's okay to have other requirements, like being physically fit or excelling in romance. You are trying to find someone who you personally can live happily with.

The key is, whatever standards you set for your spouse, you need to be working on achieving yourself. You shouldn't be expecting a person to bring something into your life that you yourself aren't working for. But if you are hoping for someone to add to what you already have, then you are more likely to find the right person.

This, along with your post I think on the first page, with regard to the 100% idea for marriage is most important. And I think it's all something a lot of people posting on this thread are missing.
Thanks for your insight. I hope others take the time to understand it.
dc

[David13]

No, that is not even a consideration, she has all the financial resources she will ever need.
No Negro or Asian ancestry is a must.

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

Preferences are not racism. Taste is not racism.
dc

This is not preference or taste. This is the disqualification of any, regardless of all other qualities based upon race alone. This is the very definition of racism.

No it isn't gk.
What you are implying is that if I say I would not marry a man, then I can be called any of the various names, like sexist, homo hater, etc. When it's merely a normal human preference or taste, a "born that way" orientation, if you are one of the "born that way" persuasion.
dc

I suppose to go a bit further, if I were to acknowledge that I would only marry an active LDS woman, with a testimony, then you would be able to use one of the politically correct concocted slurs or aspersions, like ... "You're a Religious Bigot".

[Silver]

Racism is OK on LDSFF now?

Preferences are not racism. Taste is not racism.
dc

Rejection based on race is racism.

No it isn't.

If I were to say I must marry a woman, you would accuse me of ... 'sexism'. You just overdo what you are doing.
dc

Nope, this is different.

[Fiannan]

Rejection based on race is racism.

Maybe rejection based on sex is sexism then? What if there is a wonderful woman who would date her daughter? Also, there is a movement underway to label anyone who refuses to date a transgender a bigot you know. How about that Silver?

Oh, just saw your comment above. How is it not sexism and CIS-inspired heteronormative bigotry to make that distinction?

[Fiannan]

This is not preference or taste. This is the disqualification of any, regardless of all other qualities based upon race alone. This is the very definition of racism.

"

"The difficulties and hazards of marriage are greatly increased when backgrounds are different."

Spencer W. Kimball