Molly Mormons

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SHELLWHITING
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Molly Mormons

Post by SHELLWHITING »

Recently I did a painting series about it.
http://shellwhiting.blogspot.com/2013/0 ... rylic.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
During my teenager years I decided not to tell people I was a Mormon because I didn't fit the Molly Mormon image of the perfect, pretty straight A girl. I decided not to be a missionary because I thought I wasn't good enough to talk about the church with people. I wonder what many people felt in their teenager years? Why are girls taught to be chaste and perfect? To me it was an impossible ideal.
What were your experiences?

jwharton
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by jwharton »

I am ever so grateful that I married a girl who maintained her virtue.

I apologize that I am unable to explain in any great detail, but there is something within me that comes to life when I am in the presence of a chaste and virtuous woman. That which comes to life in me is a deep respect and admiration. It's the kind of woman I want to bear children with and have my children loved by. It's a woman I can leave unattended for an entire workday, day in and day out week after week and know with full confidence that she is being true to me. It's a woman who I know all of my deepest secrets, fears, hopes, etc. are entirely safe with, that she will hold in the strictest fidelity. It's someone I can thank that I am not being compared to some other lover and that I will always know that I am her one and only. I could keep going on and on....

The most important thing about it is though, despite all of the good reasons to me as her husband, is to also know that such a woman has complete respect for herself and that she values and saves herself for a man of God who is worthy of her.

I am ever so grateful that I married, and was blessed to marry, such a woman.

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Rick Grimes
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Rick Grimes »

Nothing wrong with Molly Mormon. She is certainly preferable to Promiscuous Patsy, in my opinion.

In all seriousness though, I ended many a relationship with girls that I found had sold themselves short and had shared themselves with the previous crumb bum that had a backseat in his car. I wanted a girl who valued herself enough to not sell herself so cheap or easily. These are definitely the minority of girls these days.

SHELLWHITING
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by SHELLWHITING »

No I agree with the chaste part. Keeping your virginity is a way of keeping your self respect and dignity.I was just saying it's hard to be that perfect. I felt intimidated by the ideal. When I able to love myself for my flaws I was able to embrace myself more.

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brlenox
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by brlenox »

SHELLWHITING wrote:No I agree with the chaste part. Keeping your virginity is a way of keeping your self respect and dignity.I was just saying it's hard to be that perfect. I felt intimidated by the ideal. When I able to love myself for my flaws I was able to embrace myself more.
I think you have already hit upon a piece of the answer. It has little to do with a sense of some external perfect standard mistakenly understood that was so difficult to achieve and more about the fact that that our imperfections should not be the sum total by which we measure ourselves.

I say piece of the answer because I do not know if you garnered your comfort with yourself as a result of coming unto Christ or if you have simply bought off on a new age mentality that says you can be somebody without Christ. IF you found yourself in finding Christ then you are in a great place. If not then there is still a bit more to be found ...

Watcher
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Watcher »

Good for you ShellWhiting - there is a huge difference between an eternal law and principle, and the external cultural trappings are often hung around the neck of women in the church.

natasha
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by natasha »

SHELLWHITING wrote:Recently I did a painting series about it.
http://shellwhiting.blogspot.com/2013/0 ... rylic.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
During my teenager years I decided not to tell people I was a Mormon because I didn't fit the Molly Mormon image of the perfect, pretty straight A girl. I decided not to be a missionary because I thought I wasn't good enough to talk about the church with people. I wonder what many people felt in their teenager years? Why are girls taught to be chaste and perfect? To me it was an impossible ideal.
What were your experiences?
I believe the Lord asks us to be chaste....that's a choice one can make immediately. The Savior asked us to become perfect even as his father in heaven is perfect. If you think about that, it's gonna take some time!!! I know in the temple recommend interview we are asked if we are "worthy"...that does not mean perfect. If someone expected that of you they were being unrealistic and perhaps should have explained more fully what they meant.

Fiannan
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Posts: 12983

Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Fiannan »

Watcher wrote:Good for you ShellWhiting - there is a huge difference between an eternal law and principle, and the external cultural trappings are often hung around the neck of women in the church.
That is absolutely true. I would really like to know if that guy who broke up with his girlfriend over having two ear-rings in one ear ever actually found a girl to marry and if he is divorced yet.

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Rose Garden
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Rose Garden »

I am grateful my husband had enough faith in the Savior and the ability to repent not to reject me for the mistakes I made in my youth.

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Melissa
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Melissa »

I haven't given the Molly Mormon thing too much thought throughout my life except using it as an expression of "I'm no Molly Mormon" ie "I'm not perfect". The proverbs Woman is NOT one woman as many think that she is. He pulled out all the good qualities from his 1000 wives and put it all in one chapter to create all the good things a woman could do. This woman is not ONE woman. If any woman is doing any one of these things then she is a good woman. Women have so much placed on them (By other woman) that we are swimming in a pool of unworthiness created by our own gender!

You have to have 5 kids, all well behaved clean and smart, a clean house everyday, 3 course meals for your hard working husband, know how to cook, sew, teach school, craft, decorate, manage the bills, groceries, all shopping, have all the answers to fix everyone elses problems, support husband with his work, manage to have the lunch get together that the RS always schedules (BUT don't actually eat), wear coordinated outfits, have pretty hair and make-up, somehow find energy and time to stay fit like women on TV (ya right - they starve them selves and have personal trainers) all to please your husband so he doesn't cheat on you. Then you have the church and spiritual things, have a calling, go to enrichment meetings, find babysitters so hubby can have a FREE night so he doesn't get TOO stressed out. Hold family home evening, initiate family prayer and scripture study....and keep all commandments to the T, never look at another man (while watching your husband noticing women all in the name of HES a MAN excuse...) Always have to be kind or somehow you are not WOMAN, don't judge, don't talk about your husband to anyone else ie..handle your list and life without help ie don't complain. Oh and now to learn that us women (in the midst of a pornography plague on the men) have to be the moral compass....TOO MUCH

Well, I understand....women have a standard usually placed on them from other women. its ridiculous!! WE are betraying ourselves instead of helping each other. And yes, there is the constant double standard between the genders. A man does not have to be a virgin but the woman does.

The 1st response to the thread mentioned how grateful he was to have a chaste woman who he can be gone with work all day and know that she is true to him in all ways. And that he is grateful to not be compared to past lovers......you hit the nail on the head of what women want to BUT that standard is not placed on men, just on women. Women don't want to be compared to past lovers or compared to images he chose to look at and want to just "be" without having to worry about him being so happy and pleased and put first so that he won't get bored or dissatisfied and cheat in some way. Both Genders essentially want the same things from each other but the problem is that men don't have the pressure to be so good but women do. A man can sit in kitchen with belly hanging out unshaven and stinky and he doesn't even care while the wife is there pulling on her clothes and smelling good and whatever so he is attracted to her. ITs a really unfortunate thing!

LOL, guess I kind of went off a bit...it really is ridiculous and stressful and hard to find much enjoyment in being a woman under these conditions.

And, I have never been a molly mormon - but I have always felt like I had to be (from other women).

Ribble
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Ribble »

I'm married to a wonderful woman. She's inactive and always had a difficult time fitting in to the ward. She has a great personality, fun and likeable. She grew up playing sports; even now at 47 she's on the city's Roller Derby team.

It has always been a struggle for her attending Relief Society activities. The arts and crafts just don't do it for her...she has no interest. And, unfortunately, the wards we have belonged to, the women's activities and social events seem to be geared more to the "Mollies."

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not complaining, just stating my experience. Maybe it's just a numbers thing? Perhaps just more LDS women fall into this category. I wonder if more woman have problems with the whole "arts & crafts" thing?

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Melissa
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Melissa »

Ribble wrote:I'm married to a wonderful woman. She's inactive and always had a difficult time fitting in to the ward. She has a great personality, fun and likeable. She grew up playing sports; even now at 47 she's on the city's Roller Derby team.

It has always been a struggle for her attending Relief Society activities. The arts and crafts just don't do it for her...she has no interest. And, unfortunately, the wards we have belonged to, the women's activities and social events seem to be geared more to the "Mollies."

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not complaining, just stating my experience. Maybe it's just a numbers thing? Perhaps just more LDS women fall into this category. I wonder if more woman have problems with the whole "arts & crafts" thing?

Yes, there are others who struggle with the arts and craft things, I am one. It is nice from time to time to help make your home nicer or something but all the time is just plain a waste of time. As a 18 year old, I went to an activity with my mother and we made a FHE tree with assignments and names and that seemed cool but I have never used it.

I wish that they had activities that were more fun and useful and educational. How about canning and sewing and how about outdoors activities? That last one just won't happen in RS because of the different physical states that women can be in. Pregnant, old etc. So the younger or more active and more practical women just don't fit in. Personally I have never liked RS.

Fiannan
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Posts: 12983

Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Fiannan »

I have no problems with "Molly Mormon" women who are nice, have strong faith and are not part of the rotting American culture of materialism.


http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2012/ ... 54a0fb.jpg" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;.

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Rose Garden
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Rose Garden »

Melissa wrote:I haven't given the Molly Mormon thing too much thought throughout my life except using it as an expression of "I'm no Molly Mormon" ie "I'm not perfect". The proverbs Woman is NOT one woman as many think that she is. He pulled out all the good qualities from his 1000 wives and put it all in one chapter to create all the good things a woman could do. This woman is not ONE woman. If any woman is doing any one of these things then she is a good woman. Women have so much placed on them (By other woman) that we are swimming in a pool of unworthiness created by our own gender!

You have to have 5 kids, all well behaved clean and smart, a clean house everyday, 3 course meals for your hard working husband, know how to cook, sew, teach school, craft, decorate, manage the bills, groceries, all shopping, have all the answers to fix everyone elses problems, support husband with his work, manage to have the lunch get together that the RS always schedules (BUT don't actually eat), wear coordinated outfits, have pretty hair and make-up, somehow find energy and time to stay fit like women on TV (ya right - they starve them selves and have personal trainers) all to please your husband so he doesn't cheat on you. Then you have the church and spiritual things, have a calling, go to enrichment meetings, find babysitters so hubby can have a FREE night so he doesn't get TOO stressed out. Hold family home evening, initiate family prayer and scripture study....and keep all commandments to the T, never look at another man (while watching your husband noticing women all in the name of HES a MAN excuse...) Always have to be kind or somehow you are not WOMAN, don't judge, don't talk about your husband to anyone else ie..handle your list and life without help ie don't complain. Oh and now to learn that us women (in the midst of a pornography plague on the men) have to be the moral compass....TOO MUCH

Well, I understand....women have a standard usually placed on them from other women. its ridiculous!! WE are betraying ourselves instead of helping each other. And yes, there is the constant double standard between the genders. A man does not have to be a virgin but the woman does.

The 1st response to the thread mentioned how grateful he was to have a chaste woman who he can be gone with work all day and know that she is true to him in all ways. And that he is grateful to not be compared to past lovers......you hit the nail on the head of what women want to BUT that standard is not placed on men, just on women. Women don't want to be compared to past lovers or compared to images he chose to look at and want to just "be" without having to worry about him being so happy and pleased and put first so that he won't get bored or dissatisfied and cheat in some way. Both Genders essentially want the same things from each other but the problem is that men don't have the pressure to be so good but women do. A man can sit in kitchen with belly hanging out unshaven and stinky and he doesn't even care while the wife is there pulling on her clothes and smelling good and whatever so he is attracted to her. ITs a really unfortunate thing!

LOL, guess I kind of went off a bit...it really is ridiculous and stressful and hard to find much enjoyment in being a woman under these conditions.

And, I have never been a molly mormon - but I have always felt like I had to be (from other women).
:ymapplause: You said it!

Ribble
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Posts: 169

Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Ribble »

Fiannan, I don't think it's about "having a problem with Molly Mormon women." I just see how it can be difficult for some women to fit in. At least the men are seperated, roughly by age, but in Relief Society the young and the old are mixed together, share the same activities. That has to be difficult.

And I agree with Melissa, there are a lot of double standards.

ron103
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Posts: 22

Re: Molly Mormons

Post by ron103 »

25 years and my life is still...
Trying to get up that great big hill...
Of hope for a destination...

Female and male He created them...

Thank you ladies...

Your time is approaching...

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Honor
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by Honor »

The way I grew up and who I am now, I think people would label me as a molly mormon. I honestly don't know if it's an insult or an impossible "ideal" ?? I just know who I am. I enjoy quilting and baking. i have 7 kids. I was absolutely a virgin when I got married. I love the Lord and desire to please Him by following His commands and being submissive to what He asks of me. Am I a "molly" mormon? I don't know. I honestly think placing labels like that is silly. Growing up in WA state I don't remember people really using that term.

I think it IS an impossible ideal like you said, to be perfect, but I know I'm far from perfect. Growing up, I just was an obedient girl. I don't know why. I was taught the same as everyone else and I just didn't have a need as a teenager to step outside of what I had been taught. I think it's not really important. We each experience what is needed for our learning and growth. If we all end up in the same place, using the atonement to get there, how we lived our individual journey is not important.

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uglypitbull
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Re: Molly Mormons

Post by uglypitbull »

Honor wrote:The way I grew up and who I am now, I think people would label me as a molly mormon. I honestly don't know if it's an insult or an impossible "ideal" ?? I just know who I am. I enjoy quilting and baking. i have 7 kids. I was absolutely a virgin when I got married. I love the Lord and desire to please Him by following His commands and being submissive to what He asks of me. Am I a "molly" mormon? I don't know. I honestly think placing labels like that is silly. ......If we all end up in the same place, using the atonement to get there, how we lived our individual journey is not important.
:ymapplause: :ymapplause:

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