What would you do

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drtanner
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What would you do

Postby drtanner » Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:19 pm

If you had a son or daughter who was gay and they a married someone of the same sex and they wanted to come home for a family gathering would you allow them to stay overnight in the same room or would you ask them to sleep in separate rooms while in your home?

We had an interesting conversation about this recently which included a member of our ward who has a gay brother and they asked him and his partner to sleep in separate rooms while visiting. I was surprised at the different opinions and wanted to see what the forum had to say.

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MMbelieve
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Re: What would you do

Postby MMbelieve » Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:29 pm

Purely hypothetical as I am not in this position, but I assume I would have them over to the gathering and that they could be in the same room together. Why not? You said they were married.

They are also of the same gender so they can share a room, hahaha

Separating unmarried couples is for the purpose of preventing them being intimate before marriage. The above hypothetical doesn't fit the bill. They are already married thus already intimate.

My parents allowed my grown sister and her boyfriend to stay in the same room before marriage because they were already living together anyways. (Yes they got married and are happy together).

I was made to sleep on a completely different floor of the house than everyone when I visited my soon you be inlaws. Funny. it actually doesn't prevent anything but makes parents feel better.

Rand
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Re: What would you do

Postby Rand » Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:35 pm

Different rooms. If they can't honor your standards, in your home, they can stay somewhere else. Not a big deal.
If they want you to accept them and their standards, but they won't respect yours, it is an easy choice.

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Re: What would you do

Postby simpleton » Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:41 pm

I wouldn't even let them come around period, wouldn't want them to come around period, so it wouldn't even reach the point of choosing between separate rooms or same room...
No compassion whatsoever from me...

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Re: What would you do

Postby MMbelieve » Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:08 pm

The love a mother has for her children doesn't stop just because they are not living how they should be. If you birth a child, you are deeply connected and the bond of love and compassion just doesn't stop.
I couldn't ever shun my child much like Christ always extends compassion and assistance- so would I. Why does he do that? Because He gave his life for us...a mother gives her life for her child...love will always be there.

If my husband decided he wanted to put his foot down and shun our children ruthlessly forcing me to have to as well, then he would feel the severe disapproval for trying to place a wall between a mother and her child. And if he persisted then he would essentially be removing himself.

It is wrong to abandon children no matter their age. Just wrong.

And in case your wondering, no I do not support gay marriage.

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Re: What would you do

Postby MMbelieve » Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:10 pm

simpleton wrote:
Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:41 pm
I wouldn't even let them come around period, wouldn't want them to come around period, so it wouldn't even reach the point of choosing between separate rooms or same room...
No compassion whatsoever from me...
Im sure they would be better off not being around you anyways. So harsh.

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Re: What would you do

Postby Thinker » Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:22 pm

I watched a panel of guests - all who had overcome homosexual lifestyles. A mother and her daughter explained how the mom always showed love to her through it all but also was clear that she didn’t approve of the homosexual relationship. Her daughter’s lesbian partner was not even invited for family dinners, but she would make a plate for her to take for her.

I admired how she was loving in showing she cared yet she also showed love by putting what was good and healthy above going along with a lifestyle statistically known to be harmful. She maintained her values and was kind of a good example for her daughter to help her overcome it.

It really is the loving thing to do to help one overcome a lifestyle that is hurting them. According to nation-wide health reports and the US CDC, those living homosexual lifestyles have many many more cases of STDs, HIV/AIDS & mental illness. Many have developed disordered sexual preferences because of abuse. Anal sex involves risks of anal fissures, anal cancer, colon rupture & bacterial infection. Why would anyone want to encourage or support behavior known to be harmful? I don’t care if someone calls you a “big meanie” - it’s cruel to knowingly contribute to anothers’ suffering in such a way.

As far as the homosexual “marriage” - that was not done by democratic means, but was like a king decreeing/forcing it. People voted against it. As some Supreme Court justices said - they had no business deciding such a matter. It not only was “worse than taxation without representation” - marriage isn’t even part of the constitution. Completely made up by homosexual bullies. So IMO, there is no legitimate “homosexual marriage.” Marriage by definition has meant husband and wife union.
Last edited by Thinker on Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:37 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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David13
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Re: What would you do

Postby David13 » Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:32 pm

I was married but had no children. So that could change were I to have children.

I'd be like simpleton. My children would have been taught the strict definition of right and wrong and would live it or would not associate with me.
Maybe, if I had a wife like Thinker mentions, the child would be invited but not their ... whatever.

And yes, mom could prepare a plate for them to take.

But now most of my adult life I never spoke with my father. So that's somewhat the type of family I come from.

I've only been a member of the church for almost 3 years now, and we did not have the LDS style close family. My father just didn't promote or put together any such thing.

But he did teach me to follow right not wrong quite strictly, or have nothing to do with him. As it turned out I had nothing to do with him for other reasons.

Oh, let me put it a different way. I know the difference between right and wrong and I would never be the type of parent that held my child to a lower standard. In fact, I would hold them to a much higher standard than the other kids.
dc

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Re: What would you do

Postby simpleton » Tue Dec 05, 2017 9:26 pm

MMbelieve wrote:
Tue Dec 05, 2017 8:10 pm
simpleton wrote:
Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:41 pm
I wouldn't even let them come around period, wouldn't want them to come around period, so it wouldn't even reach the point of choosing between separate rooms or same room...
No compassion whatsoever from me...
Im sure they would be better off not being around you anyways. So harsh.
Being harsh I will not deny. But maybe I could change the word harsh to firm?
It seems I remember reading that a couple of cities, back in the early world history were burned with fire sent down by our most compassionate God ( who was the Father of all those rebellious children and that loved them beyond any love we will ever have for our own offspring) from heaven for the very sins that we are wanting to throw our loving arms around. Does Sodom and Gomorrah ring a bell? Just because a mother and a father loves their child that is in open rebellion against God and nature, does not mean that you bring the sin/sinners into your sacred homes to influence your other younger children or for that matter to influence yourself also. I think it is upon the same line that God cannot look upon sin with the least degree of allowance nor can any unrepentant sinner inherit his kingdom. What we are seeing happening before our eyes is literally the making of a modern "Sodom and Gomorrah" society , and it comes about little by little, compromise by compromise.

Again, Isaiah spells it out about us " chapter 9-3 : " The shew of their countenance doth witness against them; and they declare their sin as Sodom, they hide it not. Woe unto their soul! for they have rewarded evil unto themselves...

And yet some on this site want to bring them into their sacred homes to " declare their sins of Sodom and hide them not" ....
Well that is their free agency, but what are the rewards according to Isaiah?
Leave me out of it, my wife would never allow our child ( if one if them turned into a sodomite) to come and stay at our house period, much less with their mate. And believe me, no mother loves her children more than my wife does...

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Re: What would you do

Postby Sirocco » Tue Dec 05, 2017 11:21 pm

Well considering that gays become rabid leftists and I... wouldn't get along with said grown child and wouldn't want to hear the screaming from said grown child I don't think I'd invite them.
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Irrelevant
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Re: What would you do

Postby Irrelevant » Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:22 am

What sins would cause me to shun my child? None. They know where I stand on every issue. They also know that my love for them is unconditional. I do not condone any sin but I want my Eternal Father to have mercy and compassion for me and try to do as I feel He would.

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Re: What would you do

Postby Meili » Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:45 am

The Lord allows his children to lead a homosexual lifestyle, supporting them as he does every other of his children. I would do the same with mine. I would do everything I could to love who they love and allow them to live as they believe is right. I would say nothing about homosexuality until my child came to me asking questions and seeking answers and then I would continue to be sensitive of their beliefs, putting my relationship with my child first before everything else so that I could always be there for them as they tried to figure out their life. Every one of us sins. How would I want to be treated by others who are aware of my sins?
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h_p
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Re: What would you do

Postby h_p » Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:19 am

All of my children have left the church now. Two of them are still living at home, and another is married. I've asked my children who are still here with us to not do certain things, like watching R-rated or horror movies in our house, and I've always invited them to pray with, and read scriptures with us. I've also asked my married child to not use our shared Netflix account (that I'm paying for) to not use it for movies that I feel are inappropriate--the deal I gave her was that if she wanted to watch them, she should get her own account. The married one has always pretty much done whatever she wanted and has not honored my request, but really doesn't want much to do with us anyway, so I'm not surprised.

My children living with us, to the best of my knowledge, have complied. They still pray with us, though one is an atheist now, but I could tell neither of them enjoyed reading scriptures, so I stopped inviting them to that.

I know these are minor things to compare with, but I think this is how I would handle it if I were in the situation drtanner described. Everything would still be by invitation. Even though they already know where I stand on homosexuality, I would make my wishes known as politely and respectfully as possible. I would absolutely love and accept my child's partner, and I'd go out of my way to make them feel that, but this is my house, and I would hope they'd honor my request not to engage in what I feel is sinful behavior while within these walls. After that, the choice is theirs to respect me and my home, or not.

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Re: What would you do

Postby David13 » Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:51 am

Irrelevant wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:22 am
What sins would cause me to shun my child? None. They know where I stand on every issue. They also know that my love for them is unconditional. I do not condone any sin but I want my Eternal Father to have mercy and compassion for me and try to do as I feel He would.

I'm not sure you understand what you say.
You say unconditional.
But you have already stated a condition. The first condition. The first condition is that they are your child. Your love spoken of is of ... your child. The first condition. So there is a condition.
dc

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Re: What would you do

Postby Gage » Wed Dec 06, 2017 8:37 am

Meili wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:45 am
The Lord allows his children to lead a homosexual lifestyle, supporting them as he does every other of his children. I would do the same with mine. I would do everything I could to love who they love and allow them to live as they believe is right. I would say nothing about homosexuality until my child came to me asking questions and seeking answers and then I would continue to be sensitive of their beliefs, putting my relationship with my child first before everything else so that I could always be there for them as they tried to figure out their life. Every one of us sins. How would I want to be treated by others who are aware of my sins?

Are you implying that the Lord supports homosexuality?

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Re: What would you do

Postby Older/wiser? » Wed Dec 06, 2017 8:57 am

We have some friends with a gay son, in fact we spent thanksgiving with them . Their son lives in Oregon and was not with his partner at this gathering. I asked about his visits home. He comes home twice a year, the relationship is good. While choosing that lifestyle, he also desires a relationship with his parents and family and is respectful of their beliefs. His partners don't come with him . They stay in touch and he can visit as often as he likes yet when they have large family gatherings at this time of year this is the arrangement they came up with. To have a relationship respect from both parties is required. Parents are not the only ones required to put aside their beliefs and lifestyle. He has chosen to also honor (he did serve a mission) them, he doesn't bring his way of life into their home. They have visited him in Oregon and also met his partner and are respectful when there. Respect is a two sided sword no relationship will work for long if only one party wields it.

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Re: What would you do

Postby Meili » Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:31 pm

Gage wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 8:37 am
Meili wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:45 am
The Lord allows his children to lead a homosexual lifestyle, supporting them as he does every other of his children. I would do the same with mine. I would do everything I could to love who they love and allow them to live as they believe is right. I would say nothing about homosexuality until my child came to me asking questions and seeking answers and then I would continue to be sensitive of their beliefs, putting my relationship with my child first before everything else so that I could always be there for them as they tried to figure out their life. Every one of us sins. How would I want to be treated by others who are aware of my sins?

Are you implying that the Lord supports homosexuality?
Homosexuality, rape, murder, theft, torture . . . He allows us to use our free agency and continues to support humanity even as they commit the most grotesque crimes. He gives sunshine, rain, air, and earth to everyone. I wouldn't say he is supporting homosexuality but he is supporting homosexuals. And he doesn't even make them sleep in different rooms.
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Re: What would you do

Postby Irrelevant » Wed Dec 06, 2017 4:37 pm

David13 wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 7:51 am
Irrelevant wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 5:22 am
What sins would cause me to shun my child? None. They know where I stand on every issue. They also know that my love for them is unconditional. I do not condone any sin but I want my Eternal Father to have mercy and compassion for me and try to do as I feel He would.

I'm not sure you understand what you say.
You say unconditional.
But you have already stated a condition. The first condition. The first condition is that they are your child. Your love spoken of is of ... your child. The first condition. So there is a condition.
dc
Cute.

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Re: What would you do

Postby Gage » Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:20 pm

Meili wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:31 pm
Gage wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 8:37 am
Meili wrote:
Wed Dec 06, 2017 6:45 am
The Lord allows his children to lead a homosexual lifestyle, supporting them as he does every other of his children. I would do the same with mine. I would do everything I could to love who they love and allow them to live as they believe is right. I would say nothing about homosexuality until my child came to me asking questions and seeking answers and then I would continue to be sensitive of their beliefs, putting my relationship with my child first before everything else so that I could always be there for them as they tried to figure out their life. Every one of us sins. How would I want to be treated by others who are aware of my sins?

Are you implying that the Lord supports homosexuality?
Homosexuality, rape, murder, theft, torture . . . He allows us to use our free agency and continues to support humanity even as they commit the most grotesque crimes. He gives sunshine, rain, air, and earth to everyone. I wouldn't say he is supporting homosexuality but he is supporting homosexuals. And he doesn't even make them sleep in different rooms.
Understand that the Lord is giving time for repentance, but I am sure is patience is running thin.

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Re: What would you do

Postby Fiannan » Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:28 pm

Not sure what I would do in regards to a son but a daughter I would just strongly recommend, just as the local rabbi where I am from said, that she should at least make sure to get artificial insemination in order to obey the 1st commandment given to Adam and Eve.
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Re: What would you do

Postby gardener4life » Thu Dec 07, 2017 2:16 am

You are going to have to ask one simple question.

Were there children or innocent people present? I'm pretty sure if this was a family gathering then there was. Preparation ahead of time needs to happen to have things go the way they should and also to mitigate the damage. Also you can't please everyone. If you please the gay couple then you'll lose the others that know its wrong or that fall away by your inaction.

You also can't allow the young and innocent to be corrupted early on before they have a chance to reach for the gospel. Are you exposing them to evil before exposing them to good? IF that's the case then I worry. We're accountable to God for what we teach we've heard but that has meaning of what we let them get exposed to first.

You can be nice though and try to be loving but still hold standards. In fact I would encourage people to not just give up your rules and ideals just to save face. Many people don't realize that they have already compromised their line in the sand several times over. I recall talking to my parents and then telling them a problem that a sibling growing up did. What usually follows is that they say, oh I won't let them get away with that. And then something else happens and then they give up ground again. Then the sibling does more acting out just so they can push the line further. They do this intentionally pushing the boundary all the time trying to make my parents give up ground. To get my parents to give 2 inches they pushed the boundary 4 inches. But they often didn't really want 4 inches but wanted 2 inches but knew if they pushed for 4 that my parents would give up 2 inches.

All they really had to do is show that they would be nice, kind, and loving but not give up their standards. And once you start giving up ground the temptation is to get mad and fight because you sort of overcompensate in knowing that you are being taken advantage of and then they villainize whoever is the one to get and push up a standard to adhere too.

There's a whole craftiness to trying to get people to give in. And a lot of the time the people think they aren't being changed by the bad behavior around them but they are. They often don't realize how slowly they are giving up ground all the time sacrificing their standards.

Keep to what you feel is right but you can do it in a nice way. You could emphasize day time activities and avoid night time activities. Try to not have anyone over night if its going to cause a fight. Also people should see they have to earn it and be trustworthy and that being your child doesn't mean unconditional trust. They should be trustworthy for privileges. We do children and others great harm if we give them the idea that agency has no cost and also the idea of we will cater to every whim even when they don't earn something. (This is harder to instill if its not done when they are younger but its true.) You might compensate by committing people ahead of time to not talk about staying overnight and if others are they can't have it out in the open so that the ones that can't stay overnight don't feel bad. I also don't see this as a gay issue but just not letting things you aren't comfortable with in the house. If someone you didn't know came over for dinner with your son or daughter you wouldn't let them stay. So why throw out the rules for other things?

Also heck, even without the gay couple, I can think of a lot of people that I think they just shouldn't let their adult children stay at home overnight anyway because of boundaries, pushing the limits, and just being a jerk. There are a lot of reasons why you should care about lots of people staying over even if its just for a night for a lot of reasons.

You wouldn't believe how many people try to give their parents an excuse to of trying to con their parents into letting someone stay over that came from the bar and that they are trying to help them out and its complete baloney.

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Re: What would you do

Postby Elizabeth » Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:06 am

If I was aware that a child or grandchild of mine was practicing homosexuality they would not be welcome to bring a partner to my homes, nor to any family gathering.
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Re: What would you do

Postby BruceRGilbert » Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:34 am

Perhaps the relevant question would be, "Would God allow this in His own house?"
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Re: What would you do

Postby drtanner » Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:42 am

Elizabeth wrote:
Thu Dec 07, 2017 3:06 am
If I was aware that a child or grandchild of mine was practicing homosexuality they would not be welcome to bring a partner to my homes, nor to any family gathering.
Should a Gay couple be allowed in a church building together?

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Re: What would you do

Postby Robin Hood » Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:51 am

drtanner wrote:
Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:19 pm
If you had a son or daughter who was gay and they a married someone of the same sex and they wanted to come home for a family gathering would you allow them to stay overnight in the same room or would you ask them to sleep in separate rooms while in your home?

We had an interesting conversation about this recently which included a member of our ward who has a gay brother and they asked him and his partner to sleep in separate rooms while visiting. I was surprised at the different opinions and wanted to see what the forum had to say.
They wouldn't be allowed to stay in my house.

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Re: What would you do

Postby drtanner » Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:55 am

Robin Hood wrote:
Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:51 am
drtanner wrote:
Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:19 pm
If you had a son or daughter who was gay and they a married someone of the same sex and they wanted to come home for a family gathering would you allow them to stay overnight in the same room or would you ask them to sleep in separate rooms while in your home?

We had an interesting conversation about this recently which included a member of our ward who has a gay brother and they asked him and his partner to sleep in separate rooms while visiting. I was surprised at the different opinions and wanted to see what the forum had to say.
They wouldn't be allowed to stay in my house.
Should they be allowed in a church building?

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Re: What would you do

Postby drtanner » Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:59 am

Robin Hood wrote:
Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:51 am
drtanner wrote:
Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:19 pm
If you had a son or daughter who was gay and they a married someone of the same sex and they wanted to come home for a family gathering would you allow them to stay overnight in the same room or would you ask them to sleep in separate rooms while in your home?

We had an interesting conversation about this recently which included a member of our ward who has a gay brother and they asked him and his partner to sleep in separate rooms while visiting. I was surprised at the different opinions and wanted to see what the forum had to say.
They wouldn't be allowed to stay in my house.
Also are you saying period, or overnight?

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Re: What would you do

Postby BruceRGilbert » Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:17 am

In a fallen, "Telestial" realm where our "initial" exposure to Diety is through the "light of Christ," our conscience - and in recognition that such a realm is host to murderers, adulterers and thieves - it would seem appropriate that God's emissarial construct of an organization, viz a viz - a Church and a meeting place be an adequate introduction to "possibilities" for betterment. It is only through exposure to the Holy Ghost that we begin our ascent in the Spiritual Realm. He is the first member of the Godhead with whom, by gaining association, we start the journey in overcoming spiritual death and separation.

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Re: What would you do

Postby EmmaLee » Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:35 am

drtanner wrote:
Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:19 pm
If you had a son or daughter who was gay and they a married someone of the same sex and they wanted to come home for a family gathering would you allow them to stay overnight in the same room or would you ask them to sleep in separate rooms while in your home?
No, we would not allow them to stay overnight in the same room. Just like when my brother and his live-in girlfriend came for a visit last month - we did not allow them to sleep in the same room in our house. Just like when my sister and her live-in boyfriend came to visit last summer - we did not allow them to sleep in the same room in our house. Since to God there is no allowable or condoned same-sex sexual activity (whether the State or society calls them "married" or not), a gay relative or child would not be allowed to sleep with their partner in the same room in our house either.
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Re: What would you do

Postby Robin Hood » Thu Dec 07, 2017 8:50 am

drtanner wrote:
Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:59 am
Robin Hood wrote:
Thu Dec 07, 2017 5:51 am
drtanner wrote:
Tue Dec 05, 2017 7:19 pm
If you had a son or daughter who was gay and they a married someone of the same sex and they wanted to come home for a family gathering would you allow them to stay overnight in the same room or would you ask them to sleep in separate rooms while in your home?

We had an interesting conversation about this recently which included a member of our ward who has a gay brother and they asked him and his partner to sleep in separate rooms while visiting. I was surprised at the different opinions and wanted to see what the forum had to say.
They wouldn't be allowed to stay in my house.
Also are you saying period, or overnight?
Period.


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