How to spot a Narcissist

For discussion of political issues in general.

How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Fri Jun 08, 2012 7:34 pm

Can you recognize a narcissist?
It is difficult to recognize a narcissist because he (or she) spends all of his time acting, protecting his ego by presenting to the world a mask, a false image of himself. As a result he becomes a master of deceit. But it is extremely important to be able to recognize people whose behavior is detrimental to them, or to their organization's performance.

A narcissist is not capable of putting the organization's needs before his or her own [ego] needs.Ref

Researchers have found that a narcissist reacts much more emotionally than a non-narcissist, sometimes with "narcissistic rage" when his (or her) ego is threatened.Ref Social comparison information is especially salient as the narcissist processes social information in terms of its relevance to the self, that is, he reacts to negative feedback with more anger and aggression and lower self-esteem than a non-narcissist. In fact his mood and self-esteem fluctuations can usually be attributed to social comparison information.

"Overall, individuals high in narcissism displayed amplified responses to social comparison information, experiencing greater positive affect from downward comparisons and greater hostile affect from upward comparisons."Ref
For example, it has been recognized for some time that narcissists prize intellectual performance above almost everything else,Ref so a better qualified work colleague would likely evoke a hostile affect through upward comparison.

Because of a propensity to internalize failure, the narcissist's emotional response to failure is to feel shame, as opposed to guilt felt by people without the disorder. So in order to avoid shame, which the narcissist feels must be avoided at all costs, he externalizes blame for negative events.Ref As he feels someone must be guilty, he almost always attributes blame to others. Only when his self-esteem is particularly high, perhaps through some positive feedback he has engineered, does he accept blame, and only then if it can be seen as a magnanimous gesture.

A narcissist is someone who is overtly or subtly arrogant, exhibitionistic, vain, manipulative, and greedy for admiration.Ref Narcissistic rage, character assassination and projection are some of the overt ways in which the narcissist expresses himself. For example, she may envy a work colleague's beauty, and project her feelings into her colleague by accusing her of being envious. Projection in teams is particularly prevalent.

The denial of remorse and gratitude by the narcissist are two of the more subtle ways used to protect an internal sense of grandiosity.Ref An example of a narcissist's ability to be subtle might be when he arrives late for a meeting. Rather than offer a sincere apology, he may blame someone else for keeping him talking, thus externalizing the fault ("It's not my fault") and maintaining his sense of grandiosity.

Despite tending to be exhibitionistic, it is very rare to hear a narcissist brag or boast. Instead, he (or she) tends to 'drop' information in the form of an ostensibly ordinary matter-of-fact report, which appears to be intended to elicit admiration without asking for it. For example, rather than say, "I was so please to meet our CEO, Peter Smith", he will casually allude to "...lunch with Peter", in a way that induces a sense of distance and inferiority in the recipient of the information; again maintaining his sense of grandiosity.Ref

A distinction must be made between 'normal' or 'healthy' narcissism on the one hand and 'pathological' narcissism on the other. We all have some degree and variety of narcissistic delusion which, if it is not too great, is normal and healthy. But the pathological narcissist has a level of delusion that is divorced from reality.Ref

Kernberg used a theoretical frame to differentiate between 'normal' and 'pathological' narcissism, combining ego psychology and object relations theory. Normal narcissism refers to well integrated representations of the self and others, whilst pathological narcissism relates to an impaired intrapsychic structure with grandiose self-representation and a severe pathology in object relations.Ref Lubit compared 'healthy' and 'destructive' narcissism in relation to their long-term impact on organizations. The following is an extract from his comparison table.Ref

Characteristic Healthy Narcissism Destructive Narcissism
Self-confident High outward self-confidence in line with reality Grandiose
Desire for power, wealth and admiration May enjoy power Pursues power at all costs, lacks normal inhibitions in its pursuit
Relationships Real concern for others and their ideas; does not exploit or devalue others Concerns limited to expressing socially appropriate response when convenient; devalues and exploits others without remorse
Ability to follow a consistent path Has values; follows through on plans Lacks values; easily bored; often changes course
Foundation Healthy childhood with support for self-esteem and appropriate limits on behaviour towards others Traumatic childhood undercutting true sense of self-esteem and/or learning that he/she doesn't need to be considerate of others

It is rare for a narcissistic individual to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder because those who really should be don't seek help and so don't get clinically assessed; it is usually members of their family or work colleagues who seek help to cope with them.

Here are a few pointers that may help you identify one:
Their lack of empathy colors everything they do. They may say, "How are you?" when you meet, but they are working from memory. They are not interested in how you are.
Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority (mirroring).
Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
Listen for the constant use of "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.
They very rarely talk about their inner life, for example their memories and dreams.
They feel that the rules at work don't apply to them.
They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
If you share workload with them expect to do the lion's share yourself.
They love to delegate work or projects, then interfere by micro-managing it. If it goes well, they take the credit, if it goes badly they blame the person they delegated it to.
There tends to be higher levels of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.
Another frustrating aspect of the narcissist's behavior is how he (or she) will cause an argument just to protect himself from a perceived ego threat. Behind the Narcissist's Mask is an extract from the book Narcissism: Behind the MaskRef. It is an argument between a typical narcissist and his wife. The narcissist had forgotten to pick up milk from the shop whilst his wife was at work, as agreed that morning between the two of them. It then goes on to explain the real meaning behind what the narcissist says. The behavior of the narcissist is typical of how a narcissist will create and distort an argument solely to protect his self-esteem. Click here to read the argument.

There are many other behavioral characteristics exhibited by the narcissist. A good account of them is given by Joanna Ashmun. Or you can do a free online test for narcissism.

One way to recognize a narcissist is to trust in your own intuition. As Sam Vaknin put it, "One feels ill at ease in the presence of a narcissist for no apparent reason. No matter how charming, intelligent, thought provoking, outgoing, easy going and social the narcissist is – he fails to secure the sympathy of others, a sympathy he is never ready, willing, or able to reciprocate."

To understand in more detail about how to recognize a narcissist, and how to understand what is going on in the narcissist's mind, read Narcissism: Behind the Mask.
Book: 'Narcissism: Behind the Mask'
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

How to spot a Narcissist

Sponsor

Sponsor
 
The Mormon Chronicle

Latter-day Conservative

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Eddie Lyle » Fri Jun 08, 2012 7:44 pm

TLDR
Eddie Lyle
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 180
Joined: Wed Aug 03, 2011 12:33 am
Location: N NV

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Fri Jun 08, 2012 7:55 pm

Eddie Lyle wrote:TLDR


WTHIITY
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Nan » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:15 pm

Had a neighbor who told me he had been diagnosed as a narcissist. Then he explained to me why this is a good thing and all the great qualities he had because his is a narcissist. It was highly entertaining. And I have to say I agree with his diagnosis.
Nan
captain of 1,000
 
Posts: 1862
Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 5:44 pm
Location: texas

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Rass922 » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:19 pm

Narcissist women aren’t content just to be happy. Their brains are wired differently than ours -- they crave conflict, drama and instability. They like to start fights over nothing. Because they need and want to be constantly reassured, they thrive on insecurity. They are illogical and emotion-driven creatures. This is why they test men by constructing damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t traps to put men’s commitment, loyalty and motives on trial.
Rass922
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:12 am
Location: Idaho

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Fri Jun 08, 2012 8:39 pm

Rass922 wrote:Narcissist women aren’t content just to be happy. Their brains are wired differently than ours -- they crave conflict, drama and instability. They like to start fights over nothing. Because they need and want to be constantly reassured, they thrive on insecurity. They are illogical and emotion-driven creatures. This is why they test men by constructing damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t traps to put men’s commitment, loyalty and motives on trial.


You're stepping on toes. Don't put us all in a catagory. What's wrong with you? WAIT, great comments and have a nice day! ;)
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Rass922 » Sun Jun 10, 2012 8:51 pm

Experts say it may be because empathy is mainly a female trait - and picking up on physical characteristics enables women to better understand and interact with people.

But anyone with half a brain would know that empathy has precious little to do with recalling what people are wearing.

What seems far more likely - and far more consistent with other evidence - is that women tend to attend to - and to be influenced by - how things look, rather than what they are.

And when your missus points out the unusual tie that the news presenter on the TV is wearing while he explains in graphic detail - accompanied by pictures - the carnage from something awful like a bomb explosion, take it from me, she is not empathizing with anybody.

That no-good hussy is simply being sidetracked and disoriented by some pretty colors and something to do with clothes.

It is like dangling a ball of string in front of a kitten, candy in front of a toddler, or a loaf of fresh bread in front of a starving family.

If it looks pretty, sparkles a great deal, or it looks as if it might suit her, then she will not be able to take her eyes off it.

Her face will light up. Her mouth will hang open. She will jump up and down in her seat. And there will only be one thought rattling around inside her head.

"Grime. Grime. Grime."

Furthermore, if women are so damn good at empathizing, then why are they not the greatest and most popular artists, musicians, composers, poets, writers, sculptors, song-writers, playwrights - and goodness knows what else?

Well. I will tell you why without even charging you a fee.

It is because women are not good at empathizing at all in comparison to men.

What they are good at is pretending that they are good at empathizing and attacking with great venom those who dare to suggest otherwise - such as so-called academic researchers.

Women are manipulators, they are not empathizers.

(Statistically speaking, and compared to men, of course!)

Indeed, it is precisely because men are so good at empathizing compared to these scheming ne'er-do-wells that men bend over backwards to give women a hand up in life while the women themselves make no attempt at all to reciprocate any of the favors but, instead, grab all the goodies.
Rass922
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:12 am
Location: Idaho

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:22 pm

I'm just teasing you here Rass, just some fun jokes. ( this guy is on the edge!) lol

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own
business?
1. No mind
2. No business.

Q: What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot has been spotted several times.

Why are men like guns?
Keep one around long enough, and eventually you're going to want to shoot it.

Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

Image
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Nan » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:00 pm

Rass922 wrote:Experts say it may be because empathy is mainly a female trait - and picking up on physical characteristics enables women to better understand and interact with people.

But anyone with half a brain would know that empathy has precious little to do with recalling what people are wearing.

What seems far more likely - and far more consistent with other evidence - is that women tend to attend to - and to be influenced by - how things look, rather than what they are.

And when your missus points out the unusual tie that the news presenter on the TV is wearing while he explains in graphic detail - accompanied by pictures - the carnage from something awful like a bomb explosion, take it from me, she is not empathizing with anybody.

That no-good hussy is simply being sidetracked and disoriented by some pretty colors and something to do with clothes.

It is like dangling a ball of string in front of a kitten, candy in front of a toddler, or a loaf of fresh bread in front of a starving family.

If it looks pretty, sparkles a great deal, or it looks as if it might suit her, then she will not be able to take her eyes off it.

Her face will light up. Her mouth will hang open. She will jump up and down in her seat. And there will only be one thought rattling around inside her head.

"Grime. Grime. Grime."

Furthermore, if women are so damn good at empathizing, then why are they not the greatest and most popular artists, musicians, composers, poets, writers, sculptors, song-writers, playwrights - and goodness knows what else?

Well. I will tell you why without even charging you a fee.

It is because women are not good at empathizing at all in comparison to men.

What they are good at is pretending that they are good at empathizing and attacking with great venom those who dare to suggest otherwise - such as so-called academic researchers.

Women are manipulators, they are not empathizers.

(Statistically speaking, and compared to men, of course!)

Indeed, it is precisely because men are so good at empathizing compared to these scheming ne'er-do-wells that men bend over backwards to give women a hand up in life while the women themselves make no attempt at all to reciprocate any of the favors but, instead, grab all the goodies.


Wow, that was a lot of hate towards women. I hope you have better experiences with women in the future.
Nan
captain of 1,000
 
Posts: 1862
Joined: Wed Mar 04, 2009 5:44 pm
Location: texas

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Rass922 » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:04 pm

Juliette wrote:I'm just teasing you here Rass, just some fun jokes. ( this guy is on the edge!) lol

Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own
business?
1. No mind
2. No business.

Q: What do an anniversary and a toilet have in common?
A: Men always miss them.

How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?
Big Foot has been spotted several times.

Why are men like guns?
Keep one around long enough, and eventually you're going to want to shoot it.

Why do men get married?
So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

Image



Damsel in distress- sometimes we men think ALL women are crazy! The fact is - everyone is crazy sometimes. Yes - even you (maybe ESPECIALLY teasing you - you be the judge). That is, everyone does things that others perceive as crazy. Many women seem to be particularly prone to acts of craziness. Beautiful women are even more so.

What makes beautiful women more likely to be crazy? The simple answer is, that they are given more opportunity to be crazy, and crazy behavior seems to be more readily accepted from them. That is, they learn crazy behavior and that they can get away with it. Further, we men often help them along by allowing (even encouraging) craziness in our relationships with them.

Before we get too deeply into all of this, let's explore some concepts we'll use in a few moments:

"Crazy" verse "Neurotic"

A psychologist friend of mine says, "[url]Neurotics build castles in the sky[/url], psychotics live in them, and psychologists collect the rent!"

It's important to differentiate "crazy" and "neurotic". Specifically, neurotic behavior can be thought of as individual actions that seem inappropriate, obsessive, or dangerous - particularly in the context of a situation. Crazy behavior is more of a lifestyle and usually involves psychotic activity. It affects almost every aspect of a person's life, and tends to directly impact those that come in contact with the crazy women.

We've all heard jokes about "that time of the month" or "being one boy scout short of a jamboree", etc., but you really need to look closely at a new girlfriend's behavior to see how its going to impact you in the long run. You see, she will probably not start off showing you craziness early in your relationship. If she starts saying or doing crazy things when you first meet her, walk away and don't look back - this is the best she's going to be!

Here are some examples of crazy behavior:

* Everything is fine until all of a sudden, she goes into a raging fit over nothing important
* She goes through your personal things and then goes ballistic when she finds something inconsequential
* She is obsessed with purchasing the perfect belt, handbag or pair of shoes, when she already has closets full of them at home
* Her mood changes constantly
* She is consumed by the fear that someone is watching her, has put a curse on her, or is going to get into a car accident
* She showers 3 times a day, but never works out!

It is appropriate to note that men can be crazy too. However, because of societal pressures on men, they don't seem to be crazy (or neurotic) quite as frequently as women. In general crazy behavior is not tolerated as readily in men as in women.
Rass922
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:12 am
Location: Idaho

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:21 pm

I NOMINATE RASS! =))

Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Fairminded » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:29 pm

* Everything is fine until all of a sudden, she goes into a raging fit over nothing important
* She goes through your personal things and then goes ballistic when she finds something inconsequential
* She is obsessed with purchasing the perfect belt, handbag or pair of shoes, when she already has closets full of them at home
* Her mood changes constantly
* She is consumed by the fear that someone is watching her, has put a curse on her, or is going to get into a car accident
* She showers 3 times a day, but never works out!


Wait, I thought crazy was defined as behavior contrary to the norm. Isn't this a checklist of normal female behavior?
Everything I know about tactics, diplomacy, and civic management I learned from Lords of the Realm II.
Disillusionment: Another word for Reality.
Fairminded
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 1952
Joined: Thu Oct 13, 2011 10:23 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:30 pm

Fairminded wrote:
* Everything is fine until all of a sudden, she goes into a raging fit over nothing important
* She goes through your personal things and then goes ballistic when she finds something inconsequential
* She is obsessed with purchasing the perfect belt, handbag or pair of shoes, when she already has closets full of them at home
* Her mood changes constantly
* She is consumed by the fear that someone is watching her, has put a curse on her, or is going to get into a car accident
* She showers 3 times a day, but never works out!


Wait, I thought crazy was defined as behavior contrary to the norm. Isn't this a checklist of normal female behavior?


Seems like a normal day to me! :D

Image
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Rass922 » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:44 pm

Juliette wrote:Can you recognize a narcissist?
It is difficult to recognize a narcissist because he (or she) spends all of his time acting, protecting his ego by presenting to the world a mask, a false image of himself. As a result he becomes a master of deceit. But it is extremely important to be able to recognize people whose behavior is detrimental to them, or to their organization's performance.

A narcissist is not capable of putting the organization's needs before his or her own [ego] needs.Ref

Researchers have found that a narcissist reacts much more emotionally than a non-narcissist, sometimes with "narcissistic rage" when his (or her) ego is threatened.Ref Social comparison information is especially salient as the narcissist processes social information in terms of its relevance to the self, that is, he reacts to negative feedback with more anger and aggression and lower self-esteem than a non-narcissist. In fact his mood and self-esteem fluctuations can usually be attributed to social comparison information.

"Overall, individuals high in narcissism displayed amplified responses to social comparison information, experiencing greater positive affect from downward comparisons and greater hostile affect from upward comparisons."Ref
For example, it has been recognized for some time that narcissists prize intellectual performance above almost everything else,Ref so a better qualified work colleague would likely evoke a hostile affect through upward comparison.

Because of a propensity to internalize failure, the narcissist's emotional response to failure is to feel shame, as opposed to guilt felt by people without the disorder. So in order to avoid shame, which the narcissist feels must be avoided at all costs, he externalizes blame for negative events.Ref As he feels someone must be guilty, he almost always attributes blame to others. Only when his self-esteem is particularly high, perhaps through some positive feedback he has engineered, does he accept blame, and only then if it can be seen as a magnanimous gesture.

A narcissist is someone who is overtly or subtly arrogant, exhibitionistic, vain, manipulative, and greedy for admiration.Ref Narcissistic rage, character assassination and projection are some of the overt ways in which the narcissist expresses himself. For example, she may envy a work colleague's beauty, and project her feelings into her colleague by accusing her of being envious. Projection in teams is particularly prevalent.

The denial of remorse and gratitude by the narcissist are two of the more subtle ways used to protect an internal sense of grandiosity.Ref An example of a narcissist's ability to be subtle might be when he arrives late for a meeting. Rather than offer a sincere apology, he may blame someone else for keeping him talking, thus externalizing the fault ("It's not my fault") and maintaining his sense of grandiosity.

Despite tending to be exhibitionistic, it is very rare to hear a narcissist brag or boast. Instead, he (or she) tends to 'drop' information in the form of an ostensibly ordinary matter-of-fact report, which appears to be intended to elicit admiration without asking for it. For example, rather than say, "I was so please to meet our CEO, Peter Smith", he will casually allude to "...lunch with Peter", in a way that induces a sense of distance and inferiority in the recipient of the information; again maintaining his sense of grandiosity.Ref

A distinction must be made between 'normal' or 'healthy' narcissism on the one hand and 'pathological' narcissism on the other. We all have some degree and variety of narcissistic delusion which, if it is not too great, is normal and healthy. But the pathological narcissist has a level of delusion that is divorced from reality.Ref

Kernberg used a theoretical frame to differentiate between 'normal' and 'pathological' narcissism, combining ego psychology and object relations theory. Normal narcissism refers to well integrated representations of the self and others, whilst pathological narcissism relates to an impaired intrapsychic structure with grandiose self-representation and a severe pathology in object relations.Ref Lubit compared 'healthy' and 'destructive' narcissism in relation to their long-term impact on organizations. The following is an extract from his comparison table.Ref

Characteristic Healthy Narcissism Destructive Narcissism
Self-confident High outward self-confidence in line with reality Grandiose
Desire for power, wealth and admiration May enjoy power Pursues power at all costs, lacks normal inhibitions in its pursuit
Relationships Real concern for others and their ideas; does not exploit or devalue others Concerns limited to expressing socially appropriate response when convenient; devalues and exploits others without remorse
Ability to follow a consistent path Has values; follows through on plans Lacks values; easily bored; often changes course
Foundation Healthy childhood with support for self-esteem and appropriate limits on behaviour towards others Traumatic childhood undercutting true sense of self-esteem and/or learning that he/she doesn't need to be considerate of others

It is rare for a narcissistic individual to be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder because those who really should be don't seek help and so don't get clinically assessed; it is usually members of their family or work colleagues who seek help to cope with them.

Here are a few pointers that may help you identify one:
Their lack of empathy colors everything they do. They may say, "How are you?" when you meet, but they are working from memory. They are not interested in how you are.
Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority (mirroring).
Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
They expect others to do the day-to-day chores as they feel too important to waste their time on common things.
Listen for the constant use of "I", "me" and "my" when they talk.
They very rarely talk about their inner life, for example their memories and dreams.
They feel that the rules at work don't apply to them.
They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
If you share workload with them expect to do the lion's share yourself.
They love to delegate work or projects, then interfere by micro-managing it. If it goes well, they take the credit, if it goes badly they blame the person they delegated it to.
There tends to be higher levels of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.
Another frustrating aspect of the narcissist's behavior is how he (or she) will cause an argument just to protect himself from a perceived ego threat. Behind the Narcissist's Mask is an extract from the book Narcissism: Behind the MaskRef. It is an argument between a typical narcissist and his wife. The narcissist had forgotten to pick up milk from the shop whilst his wife was at work, as agreed that morning between the two of them. It then goes on to explain the real meaning behind what the narcissist says. The behavior of the narcissist is typical of how a narcissist will create and distort an argument solely to protect his self-esteem. Click here to read the argument.

There are many other behavioral characteristics exhibited by the narcissist. A good account of them is given by Joanna Ashmun. Or you can do a free online test for narcissism.

One way to recognize a narcissist is to trust in your own intuition. As Sam Vaknin put it, "One feels ill at ease in the presence of a narcissist for no apparent reason. No matter how charming, intelligent, thought provoking, outgoing, easy going and social the narcissist is – he fails to secure the sympathy of others, a sympathy he is never ready, willing, or able to reciprocate."

To understand in more detail about how to recognize a narcissist, and how to understand what is going on in the narcissist's mind, read Narcissism: Behind the Mask.
Book: 'Narcissism: Behind the Mask'


Neuroticism, too, is a very male trait. While it may be true (although unverified) that women are more prone to emotional imbalance and nervous distress in general, neuroticism is more a resultant effect of internal struggle between different aspects of an individual's psychology, which may manifest in emotional and nervous disturbance, but may also symptomize as 'quirkiness' and social difficulties. It arises due to an impaired and confused sense of psychological self-identity. Women are better equipped to handle or avoid this kind of existential pathology because they have complex modes of social expression that allow them to better communicate their emotional well-being - they are better able to 'vent' to their friends, colleagues, family etc. - and because they are more practical-minded (which anti-feminists often confuse with 'materialism')...which means they don't often have a consciously sophisticated sense of identity in the first place.
Rass922
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:12 am
Location: Idaho

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Rass922 » Sun Jun 10, 2012 11:54 pm

Juliette wrote:
Fairminded wrote:
* Everything is fine until all of a sudden, she goes into a raging fit over nothing important
* She goes through your personal things and then goes ballistic when she finds something inconsequential
* She is obsessed with purchasing the perfect belt, handbag or pair of shoes, when she already has closets full of them at home
* Her mood changes constantly
* She is consumed by the fear that someone is watching her, has put a curse on her, or is going to get into a car accident
* She showers 3 times a day, but never works out!


Wait, I thought crazy was defined as behavior contrary to the norm. Isn't this a checklist of normal female behavior?


Seems like a normal day to me! :D

Image



Women and men may genuinely think in different ways, according to research that has found subtle genetic variations between their brains.

Hundreds of genes that are switched on and off differently in the male and female brain have been identified, suggesting that many patterns of behaviour regarded widely as typical of each sex could be founded on nature as well as nurture.

Dozens of mental traits and skills are said to differ between men and women. They include empathy, aggression, risk-taking, navigation and the qualities that are valued most in a sexual partner.

The existence of such differences is now widely accepted, but natural and social scientists have long disagreed about the extent to which they are rooted in our underlying biology, or are learnt through male and female social roles. Women are generally more accomplished than men at empathising with other people, and usually score as more compassionate on standard personality tests.

Men are more prone to aggression and risk-taking behaviour, and tend to be proficient at understanding and devising systems, from car engines to the offside law.

While there are no sex differences in general intelligence, women tend to have stronger visual memories, while men are more proficient at visualising objects when rotated in space. It has been suggested that this may reflect the way most men like to navigate by reading maps, while many women prefer to remember landmarks.

Such observations have led Professor Simon Baron-Cohen, of the University of Cambridge, to suggest the existence of “empathising-type” and “systemising-type” brains, the first of which is more common among men and the second among women. Professor Baron-Cohen said: “This is a very original study, testing which genes are expressed differently in males and females across different primate species. It confirms the supposition that genetic sex differences are expressed not just in the secondary sexual characteristics in the body, but in the brain.

“Finding genes that are conserved across species points to the evolution of these genetic sex differences, and finding them in the brain suggests that they may in part influence the way the mind works, and in part influence our behaviour.”
Rass922
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:12 am
Location: Idaho

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:07 am

Image
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby 7cylon7 » Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:18 am

This is the most IRONIC thread on here of all time.
7cylon7
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 1151
Joined: Tue May 18, 2010 11:09 am

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Original_Intent » Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:25 am

7cylon7 wrote:This is the most IRONIC thread on here of all time.


It was intended as flame bait that didn't work.
Original_Intent
Level 34 Illuminated

User avatar
 
Posts: 8871
Joined: Mon Sep 28, 2009 3:35 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Rass922 » Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:40 am

Juliette wrote:Image



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BxckAMaTDc

Women and men can think differently when looking at the same thing.

It's true to say that males are on either side of the spectrum when it comes to extremes. More males have ADHD, autism etc... and more males happen to be geniuses.

Males tend to be more singular and obsessed in their thinking, women tend to hold the middle ground.

These are general terms and don't hold true for individuals.
Rass922
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:12 am
Location: Idaho

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:06 am

Original_Intent wrote:
7cylon7 wrote:This is the most IRONIC thread on here of all time.


It was intended as flame bait that didn't work.


How Ironic indeed! I would say you're post is the flame bait, but how appropriate when discussing male infirmities.
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Rensai » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:21 am

Juliette wrote:
Original_Intent wrote:
7cylon7 wrote:This is the most IRONIC thread on here of all time.


It was intended as flame bait that didn't work.


How Ironic indeed! I would say you're post is the flame bait, but how appropriate when discussing male infirmities.


Someone's defensive. If not flame bait, then why don't you just explain why you started the thread?
God who gave us life gave us liberty. And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are of the Gift of God?

- Thomas Jefferson, 1781
Rensai
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 975
Joined: Fri Jun 12, 2009 3:53 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:36 am

And why do you always jump in? I don't see you explaining why you start threads. You people have made it abundantly clear that I am greatly disliked. This thread has been fun, then here you come to cause trouble. Perhaps you guys should just stick with politics, where you obviously know everything, or should I say NOTHING! =))
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Fiannan » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:37 am

Here are some examples of crazy behavior:

* Everything is fine until all of a sudden, she goes into a raging fit over nothing important
* She goes through your personal things and then goes ballistic when she finds something inconsequential
* She is obsessed with purchasing the perfect belt, handbag or pair of shoes, when she already has closets full of them at home
* Her mood changes constantly
* She is consumed by the fear that someone is watching her, has put a curse on her, or is going to get into a car accident
* She showers 3 times a day, but never works out!


Symptom 1, 2 and 4 would suggest borderline personality disorder. symptom 3 she is merely a slave to materialism, symptom 4 could suggest paranoia and the last is obsessive personality disorder.

Sad that in this whole thread I have not seen much said about narcissism or its Siamese twin psychopathic personality disorder.
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
Plato
Fiannan
captain of 1,000
 
Posts: 3691
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:14 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Fiannan » Mon Jun 11, 2012 11:43 am

Image

Hate stereotypes. Only talking about the male comic but come on...I can vouch for the fact that I have never craved or used beer, I find TV generally boring (possible exception Dexter, True Blood and re-runs of X-Files), and I see football as a meaningless distraction that makes a few guys rich and gives people with no real purpose in life some supposed meaning.
"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
Plato
Fiannan
captain of 1,000
 
Posts: 3691
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:14 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Rass922 » Mon Jun 11, 2012 3:47 pm

Juliette wrote:And why do you always jump in? I don't see you explaining why you start threads. You people have made it abundantly clear that I am greatly disliked. This thread has been fun, then here you come to cause trouble. Perhaps you guys should just stick with politics, where you obviously know everything, or should I say NOTHING! =))



It's a mans world. Half of engineering jobs are involved in maintaining the word to keep working. Women really only maintain the inner emotional worlds such as house and home which are protected from the environment, and built by men. The jobs they do tend to be in maintaining what is built internally. This is because female brains are better at linear information processing.

The question has to be is woman a less developed form of man or have they just stopped short and gone on a totally different trajectory at puberty. Female brains are totally different to male brains in enough ways to fill a good size neuro book. Basically the female brain appears to be an enhancement of our inner subconscious brain of memory and emotional positivity. (limbic system) Reality is processed totally diferently in the female brain. Time and space are reduced to the present orientation of older people and children. But is it a reduction or an enhancement into another realm ?

The female hormones seem to faciliate these structural alterations into overconnectivity and women have brain structures men do not possess such as a connections of nerve bundles between subcortical structures that processes information in a linear manner. All this translates into more reflective neural processing, and a preference for maintaining inner homeostasis and greater drives for repeating pleasurable activity as long as possible. The female processes also enhance healing. Women heal faster than men if they are cut but conversely have a harder time escaping emotional trauma.
Rass922
captain of 100

User avatar
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 12:12 am
Location: Idaho

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Mon Jun 11, 2012 6:39 pm

SimpleButNot

NARCISSISTIC MEN..DO WE CALL THEM HUMAN?




Women represent to the male narcissist the greatest potential threat for sustaining a narcissistic injury. Narcissists, for this one reason, fear the female gender, but do not evidence their fear when associating with females. Instead their behavior and words indicate a dislike and distrust of female motives and intentions.

The narcissist is incapable of coping with the myriad array of emotions that women are capable of displaying. Dealing with these feminine emotions is a potential and real threat to the narcissist's image as a man or a lover. Female sentiments mentally tax the narcissist. Because he exhausts so much energy thinking about himself, he doesn't have the vigor to handle female emotions. Since he knows that he is incapable of sustaining a meaningful relationship with a woman he sees these emotions as an even greater threat for narcissistic injury.

A narcissist is skilled at the art of verbal abuse and the narcissist is proficient at verbally abusing women. Narcissists like to frustrate women. Their behavior toward a woman keeps her on the edge of insanity because she doesn't know what is coming next. The narcissist uses what he deems the blunt or brutal truth to eat away at any attributes that a woman might have. The woman is left with no self-esteem when the narcissist is through with her. This is the way he wants her. If her self esteem is not in tact he can gain control over her and retain her as narcissistic supply.

Narcissists proficiently spin a web of suspense around themselves. They feed on the idea that they are mysterious to others. This is an additional way they have of aggravating women.

And, please ladies don't invade the narcissist's personal space. Remember the narcissist can occupy your personal space anytime he wants because he considers himself "special". If you cross the threshold of his personal space get ready to encounter a narcissistic rage.

The narcissist may sign a marriage certificate, but in his mind he is never "really married" to you. He has simply captured you as a source of narcissistic supply. You are either financially advantageous to him, increase his status, or with your beauty you are an enhancement on his arm.


Narcissists do not enjoy sex or want to have sex with those that they consider to be significant others (wives, girlfriends). But, they will jump at the chance to have sex with a woman they consider to be a vamp. Sex with significant others requires intimacy and a narcissist is incapable of achieving intimacy with others. Narcissists are prone toward having a Madonna/Vamp Complex.

He uses denial as a defense mechanism and does not see his extracurricular affairs as being adultery. He reasons that there are no "emotions involved" in these affairs so he is not cheating. He fails to admit to himself and others, however, that for him there are no emotions involved in his marriage either. He simply is not capable of feeling any emotions even in his marriage.

The narcissistically disordered cannot fall for another and make a relationship with a woman into a true partnership of a sexual or platonic nature. Their disorder prohibits their abilities to manage either kind of situation. Women sooner or later will desire intimacy. This will over shadow all other parts of the relationship and for the narcissist the relationship will become unworkable. A narcissist can never feel another's love and is completely incapable of returning anything that looks like love to his female partner.

And, if you think that you have "fixed" him, think again. If you want to secure two-three months of a seemingly normal marriage or relationship, either threaten to leave him or leave him. He will pursue you relentlessly. When you're back in his hold securely, he will immediately revert back to his old self.

Women may over look the grandiosity and attention seeking of the narcissist, but the lack of the narcissist's ability to exchange feelings of a loving kind is deadly to all intimate relationships.
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Mon Jun 11, 2012 6:42 pm

Fiannan wrote:Image

Hate stereotypes. Only talking about the male comic but come on...I can vouch for the fact that I have never craved or used beer, I find TV generally boring (possible exception Dexter, True Blood and re-runs of X-Files), and I see football as a meaningless distraction that makes a few guys rich and gives people with no real purpose in life some supposed meaning.


Sorry about the stereotyping. Just teasing Rass! My husband does not drink beer or watch sports either. He is a great man who would respects women.
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Juliette » Mon Jun 11, 2012 6:56 pm

Lets see what the Prophets teach about women Rass!

EQUALITY OF MEN AND WOMEN

Our roles and assignments differ. . . . But the man is not without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord.

—President Spencer W. Kimball

SELECTED TEACHINGS

President George Albert Smith

“When the Prophet Joseph Smith turned the key for the emancipation of womankind, it was turned for all the world, and from generation to generation the number of women who can enjoy the blessings of religious liberty and civil liberty has been increasing” (“Address to the Members of the Relief Society,” Relief Society Magazine, Dec. 1945, 717).

President Spencer W. Kimball

“Our roles and assignments differ. These are eternal differences—with women being given many tremendous responsibilities of motherhood and sisterhood and men being given the tremendous responsibilities of fatherhood and the priesthood—but the man is not without the woman nor the woman without the man in the Lord (see 1 Cor. 11:11 ). . . .

“Even though the eternal roles of men and women differ, . . . this leaves much to be done by way of parallel personal development—for both men and women” ( “The Role of Righteous Women,” Ensign, Nov. 1979, 102 ).

“We do not want our LDS women to be silent partners or limited partners in that eternal assignment! Please be a contributing and full partner” ( “Privileges and Responsibilities of Sisters,” Ensign, Nov. 1978, 106 ).

President Howard W. Hunter

“A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto. . . . The Lord intended that the wife be a helpmeet for man ( meet means equal)—that is, a companion equal and necessary in full partnership” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 50–51 ).

President Gordon B. Hinckley

“I see my own companion of fifty-two years. Is her contribution less acceptable before the Lord than is mine? I am satisfied it is not. She has walked quietly at my side, sustained me in my responsibilities, reared and blessed our children, served in many capacities in the Church, and spread an unmitigated measure of cheer and goodness wherever she has gone. The older I grow the more I appreciate—yes, the more I love—this little woman with whom I knelt at the altar in the house of the Lord more than half a century ago” ( “Rise to the Stature of the Divine within You,” Ensign, Nov. 1989, 97 ).

President Boyd K. Packer

“In the Church there is a distinct line of authority. We serve where called by those who preside over us.

“In the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together. While the husband, the father, has responsibility to provide worthy and inspired leadership, his wife is neither behind him nor ahead of him but at his side” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 96; or Ensign, May 1998, 73 ).

Elder Bruce R. McConkie

“Where spiritual things are concerned, as pertaining to all of the gifts of the Spirit, with reference to the receipt of revelation, the gaining of testimonies, and the seeing of visions, in all matters that pertain to godliness and holiness and which are brought to pass as a result of personal righteousness—in all these things men and women stand in a position of absolute equality before the Lord” ( “Our Sisters from the Beginning,” Ensign, Jan. 1979, 61 ).

“The Lord never sends apostles and prophets and righteous men to minister to his people without placing women of like spiritual stature at their sides. . . . The exaltation of the one is dependent upon that of the other” ( Doctrinal New Testament Commentary, 3:302).

Elder Boyd K. Packer

“Your wife is your partner in the leadership of the family and should have full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating to your home” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1994, 26; or Ensign, May 1994, 21 ).

Elder James E. Faust

“How should those who bear the priesthood treat their wives and the other women in their family? Our wives need to be cherished. They need to hear their husbands call them blessed, and the children need to hear their fathers generously praise their mothers (see Proverbs 31:28 ). The Lord values his daughters just as much as he does his sons. In marriage, neither is superior; each has a different primary and divine responsibility. Chief among these different responsibilities for wives is the calling of motherhood. I firmly believe that our dear faithful sisters enjoy a special spiritual enrichment which is inherent in their natures” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 54; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 38–39 ).

“Both fathers and mothers do many intrinsically different things for their children. Both mothers and fathers are equipped to nurture children, but their approaches are different. Mothers seem to take a dominant role in preparing children to live within their families, present and future. Fathers seem best equipped to prepare children to function in the environment outside the family” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 44–45; or Ensign, May 1993, 35 ).

Elder Dallin H. Oaks

“We live in a day when there are many political, legal, and social pressures for changes that confuse gender and homogenize the differences between men and women. Our eternal perspective sets us against changes that alter those separate duties and privileges of men and women that are essential to accomplish the great plan of happiness. We do not oppose all changes in the treatment of men and women, since some changes in laws or customs simply correct old wrongs that were never grounded in eternal principles” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 99; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 73–74 ).

Elder M. Russell Ballard

Sisters “want to be heard and valued and want to make meaningful contributions to the stake or ward and its members that will serve the Lord and help accomplish the mission of the Church. . . .

“Brethren, please be sure you are seeking the vital input of the sisters in your council meetings” (in Conference Report, Oct. 1993, 103; or Ensign, Nov. 1993, 76 ).

Sister Eliza R. Snow

“The status of women is one of the questions of the day. Socially and politically it forces itself upon the attention of the world. Some . . . refuse to concede that woman is entitled to the enjoyment of any rights other than those which the whims, fancies or justice, as the case may be, of men may choose to grant her. The reasons which they cannot meet with argument they decry and ridicule; an old refuge for those opposed to correct principles which they are unable to controvert. Others, again, not only recognize that woman’s status should be improved, but are so radical in their extreme theories that they would set her in antagonism to man, assume for her a separate and opposing existence; and to show how entirely independent she should be would make her adopt the more reprehensible phases of character which men present, and which should be shunned or improved by them instead of being copied by women. These are two extremes, and between them is the ‘golden mean.’” (“Woman’s Status,” Woman’s Exponent, 15 July 1872, 29).
Juliette
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 2748
Joined: Tue Jan 31, 2012 7:42 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby Fiannan » Tue Jun 12, 2012 1:16 am

"One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors."
Plato
Fiannan
captain of 1,000
 
Posts: 3691
Joined: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:14 pm

Re: How to spot a Narcissist

Postby p51-mustang » Tue Jun 12, 2012 8:32 am

Original_Intent wrote:
7cylon7 wrote:This is the most IRONIC thread on here of all time.


It was intended as flame bait that didn't work.


yep, and so typical....
"Shiz" Happened. The Book of Mormon is true!
p51-mustang
captain of 1,000

User avatar
 
Posts: 1635
Joined: Sun Jan 14, 2007 11:48 am
Location: Harrisville, Utah

Next

Return to General Discussions

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: ajax, Anxiously preparing, aztruth, bethany, caddis, DPeterson, e-eye, Epistemology, Google Adsense [Bot], jkrowe, kathyn, KFarber, M249Gunner, mattctr, North_Star, rasattack, samizdat, waking, wompus, Write_One and 60 guests