On Surrogacy

A place for conservative women to discuss true women's liberation, the role of women in healing America, the truth about feminism and more...
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capctr
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On Surrogacy

Post by capctr »

At the tender age of 46, I have FINALLY been blessed with a son(following three glorious daughters), and have been reminded how very much I love having small children!
The ages of my children are 17, 14, 7, and four months. Fortunately, my wife is near eight years younger than myself; however, this brings up a question: Say we wanted 3 more children, but due to the time involved, couldn't be guaranteed reaching that number before menopause-what is church policy on surrogacy? Could I get away with hiring a couple of surrogates to carry a couple of my wife and i's children at the same time?

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durangout
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Post by durangout »

The handbook is clear: Don't. Adopt instead. It is the most wonderful thing imaginable.

capctr
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Re: On Surrogacy

Post by capctr »

From personal experience, adoption IS a wonderful thing-it means someone loved you enough to feed you, shelter and protect you, etc...
It also means somebody didn't.
I was adopted, and I never saw my own flesh and blood until I had children-so...yeah.

butterfly
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Post by butterfly »

I would have to agree, capctr. I've heard more sad stories than good ones with adoption. Yeah it's a loving act for most adopting parents, but IMO it is not all 100% smiles. I think it's just good for anyone considering adoption to be aware of that, that's all.

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Hopefull
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Post by Hopefull »

Holy cow you have my blood boiling! Name 1 parenting situation that IS 100% smiles! Not a single one of my kids has had a perfect life. Each day some have issues and some don't. Then the next day they swap. Adoption isn't easy and there is a loss for those children. But there is also a gift given. A chance for a better life.

I have some bio kids and some adopted. I will tell you that one of those children was given to me as a gift from Heavenly Father for years of heartache from dealing with foster care. He didn't come from my body, but he couldn't be more my child if God Himself had grown him from one of my limbs.

Capctr- no idea on the churches stance on surrogacy, you need to do what you feel inspired to do. But Lots of babies are born right here in the USA (I don't know where you are from) every day that need someone to love them.

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skmo
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Re: On Surrogacy

Post by skmo »

durangout wrote:The handbook is clear: Don't. Adopt instead. It is the most wonderful thing imaginable.
Not having a handbook, I don't know about this. Can you give me more details?

In the mid-90's my wife and I had been trying to have a child to the point of exhaustion, both mental and physical. We asked our bishop what the church policy was on donor programs and surrogacy. He opened a book and read to us that this was a decision a couple had to make on their own with the utmost prayer and humility. He said if couples wanted counseling on it the bishop could offer a referral the LDS Social Services. Other than that the decision on both was entirely made by the couple.

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Robin Hood
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Post by Robin Hood »

My view is to be content with what you have.

butterfly
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Re: On Surrogacy

Post by butterfly »

Hopefull wrote:Holy cow you have my blood boiling! Name 1 parenting situation that IS 100% smiles! Not a single one of my kids has had a perfect life. Each day some have issues and some don't. Then the next day they swap. Adoption isn't easy and there is a loss for those children. But there is also a gift given. A chance for a better life.

I have some bio kids and some adopted. I will tell you that one of those children was given to me as a gift from Heavenly Father for years of heartache from dealing with foster care. He didn't come from my body, but he couldn't be more my child if God Himself had grown him from one of my limbs.

Capctr- no idea on the churches stance on surrogacy, you need to do what you feel inspired to do. But Lots of babies are born right here in the USA (I don't know where you are from) every day that need someone to love them.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It sounds like you have had some heart-wrenching experiences and I believe that your children are very blessed to have you as a parent :ymhug:
I should have clarified more. Yes, I agree with you that there is no parenting situation that is 100% smiles. I was referring to people that I have spoken with who feel that adoption has no effect whatsoever on the kids being adopted and that the kids should just be so grateful for what was done for them. These individuals feel that for adopted kids to want to seek out biological families or to have any concerns about being adopted is a betrayal of their adoptive family.
That's more what I was trying to say and I think some people can disregard this aspect in thinking that adoption is smoother than it is.

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Hopefull
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Post by Hopefull »

butterfly wrote:
Hopefull wrote:Holy cow you have my blood boiling! Name 1 parenting situation that IS 100% smiles! Not a single one of my kids has had a perfect life. Each day some have issues and some don't. Then the next day they swap. Adoption isn't easy and there is a loss for those children. But there is also a gift given. A chance for a better life.

I have some bio kids and some adopted. I will tell you that one of those children was given to me as a gift from Heavenly Father for years of heartache from dealing with foster care. He didn't come from my body, but he couldn't be more my child if God Himself had grown him from one of my limbs.

Capctr- no idea on the churches stance on surrogacy, you need to do what you feel inspired to do. But Lots of babies are born right here in the USA (I don't know where you are from) every day that need someone to love them.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. It sounds like you have had some heart-wrenching experiences and I believe that your children are very blessed to have you as a parent :ymhug:
I should have clarified more. Yes, I agree with you that there is no parenting situation that is 100% smiles. I was referring to people that I have spoken with who feel that adoption has no effect whatsoever on the kids being adopted and that the kids should just be so grateful for what was done for them. These individuals feel that for adopted kids to want to seek out biological families or to have any concerns about being adopted is a betrayal of their adoptive family.
That's more what I was trying to say and I think some people can disregard this aspect in thinking that adoption is smoother than it is.

Butterfly I am afraid that I commented late at night and without thinking much before hand. I am sorry I overreacted!

I am sorry to the OP for hijacking your original question. My heart hurts for children in foster care. I feel like they have a bad rap and are somehow seen as less than. There are so many wonderful children born to crappy parents that need help. From my point of view everyone has a roll to play. I feel like these kids were mine all along, they just got to me by a different path than most. When the day comes that they will come in contact with their biological parents, I hope that it will just add to the pool of people who love them. I don't expect it to be easy, but I know for a fact that I followed Heavenly Fathers plan to the best of my ability and whatever happens will be part of the plan.

Capctr- you like having small children around the house? So does my husband. (He sleeps well at night ;) ) - here is the set up we had. I would get a call asking if I had room for a.....let's say newborn baby boy. I would say yes, go pick them up from the hospital, dress them up and show them off. Hold them, kiss them, Wake up at all hours of the night to feed them and get them into a fairly decent routine. After a couple weeks they would find a relative to place the baby with or another situation and they would come pick them up. Then I would rest a week or so....Catch up on my sleep...call in and put my name on a list for the next one and do it all over again. It was fun. I loved each of those kids and I played my part in their lives. It isn't for everyone but it was for us. Almost 100 kids in 6 years. The hubby and I were talking about doing it again if we lived in a bigger house. He misses "the babies."

Fiannan
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Re: On Surrogacy

Post by Fiannan »

capctr wrote:At the tender age of 46, I have FINALLY been blessed with a son(following three glorious daughters), and have been reminded how very much I love having small children!
The ages of my children are 17, 14, 7, and four months. Fortunately, my wife is near eight years younger than myself; however, this brings up a question: Say we wanted 3 more children, but due to the time involved, couldn't be guaranteed reaching that number before menopause-what is church policy on surrogacy? Could I get away with hiring a couple of surrogates to carry a couple of my wife and i's children at the same time?

Good enough for Mitt's family so why not?

http://www.politico.com/story/2012/05/r ... ate-075939" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

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A Random Phrase
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Re: On Surrogacy

Post by A Random Phrase »

capctr, have you thought about in vitro fertilization? It's pretty expensive, though. Some people have gotten twins or triplets out of the deal. That way, the baby's heart won't be broken when it's biological mom turns it over to its other mom. (I am convinced that they know the difference between the woman who has been carrying them, hearing her voice and breath, and feeling her emotions and the woman who is not known as well by them - sometimes not really known at all.)

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