the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

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Rachael
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the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

Post by Rachael »

I was raised in the church but my father left at an early age and I watched his abusive behaviors toward my mother. He lived it up. He had great $$ earning power while my mother was an unskilled (in society's standards) housewife and we subsisted on her back breaking minimum wage earnings and miracles. It colored my views on motherhood.

Both of my children were unplanned with precaution taken (those Today sponges® don't work). So I wasn't all that happy being a mother. And all the stuff about how fabulous it is being a mother did not resonate at church especially when I got ex'd for having my oldest out of wedlock. (Rebaptized 20+ yes later) and their father was dead beat.

It has caused vexation. I LOVE my children but I didn't enjoy them. I tried to cover it like a cat in a litter box but it still was a fact that there were feces around and my attitude was the culprit.

That said they turned out wonderful though our relationship is ...well can any one here relate?

Matchmaker
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Re: the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

Post by Matchmaker »

Thank you, Rachael, for being so open and honest. I came from an emotionally and physically abusive family and didn't accept the gospel until I was an adult. I too was excommunicated as a young adult and later rebaptized. For years, I blamed my dysfunctional parents for instilling a bad attitude in me from childhood that led me, as a young adult, to make bad choice after bad choice, culminating in the devastation of my temple marriage and my excommunication years later. As a more mature adult, I realize that even though my parents had a major part in how I played the first half of my game, the second half, coached by my attitude, will be the most important one in determining how my game ends and whether I win or lose.

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rewcox
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Re: the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

Post by rewcox »

It's not about feeling, I am defective.

As I was growing up, I had one last name. In Jr. High my last name was changed to another name. Before I was married, I had to get a legal name change. It wasn't my real last name.

Years later I found out from an aunt on my real father's side, that my parents were married 2 weeks before I was born. I never met my real dad.

I was fortunate to marry a young women from a very active family. I wanted our family to be like my wife's.

What really matters is that we figure it out and do our best to come back to the Savior and help as many as we can to do likewise.

Today I am glad for my children, and now my grandchildren.

Sorry, just saw this is the ladies area.
Last edited by rewcox on July 17th, 2015, 9:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Desert Roses
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Re: the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

Post by Desert Roses »

Rachael, yes, I can relate, although I followed a more "Molly" path...I have 10 children--7 with my first abusive husband and 3 with the second abuser. (5 of the 10 are birthcontrol statistics--pill, condom, sponge, even IUD). I LOVE my children to death, but although I probably could have not had them, or at least so many, I could never turn off that feeling that hit me several months before I got pregnant that said, "It's time...there's another one." Our relationship sucks--it's hard to fake enjoying kids when they feel like a burden. I wasn't excommunicated, and none of my kids were born out of wedlock,(but that was pure good luck) but not because the bishop didn't try--I can say truthfully that the Savior Himself intervened in the church court proceedings.

Funny thing is that I've become that woman I used to look at and think, "I'll never be that Molly..." I eventually even got married in the temple to my 3rd husband! My youngest 2 children have come home to roost, in a manner of speaking, and I'm able to build that relationship into one we enjoy now that they are adult, and since my husband and I choose it this way, I work very part-time with my own mental health practice, and the rest of the time I clean house, sew, cook, can the produce from the garden, etc....Life is a wonderful ride, and all I get to do is choose to keep following Christ. The rest, well, I guess I just hang on and see how it turns out!

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Rose Garden
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Re: the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

Post by Rose Garden »

I was considered the molly Mormon in my groups growing up. Funny how I was able to keep that appearance even though in my spare time I was running around getting into trouble. I cleaned up and went on a mission but I still felt for years that I was a second-class citizen, as one apostle put it. That changed after my mission when I truly came to Christ. I stopped putting up the appearance and actually turned to him. Then I stopped feeling like a second-class citizen because he poured out his love on me.

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Rachael
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Re: the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

Post by Rachael »

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. Its nice to know that I'm not the only one who is just not feeling it when constantly being told from the pulpit how motherhood is supposed to cause all this joy. I did what I could for my kids working in factories since I was unskilled and didn't finish college until they were grown. It was tough on them. I remember my daughter bringing home a picture of her family she drew in primary which was herself, her sister and me. We were all smiling but she tears on her face (and I was holding a cigarette if I recall, lol..)

Hard to attend church coming home with a huge guilt trip every Sunday. So I didn't go as often as should have with them. My mother took them more than I did.

Again thanks for sharing your experiences

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AI2.0
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Re: the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

Post by AI2.0 »

rewcox wrote:It's not about feeling, I am defective.

As I was growing up, I had one last name. In Jr. High my last name was changed to another name. Before I was married, I had to get a legal name change. It wasn't my real last name.

Years later I found out from an aunt on my real father's side, that my parents were married 2 weeks before I was born. I never met my real dad.

I was fortunate to marry a young women from a very active family. I wanted our family to be like my wife's.

What really matters is that we figure it out and do our best to come back to the Savior and help as many as we can to do likewise.

Today I am glad for my children, and now my grandchildren.

Sorry, just saw this is the ladies area.
Plenty of men post on threads here, so I don't think it is illegal. :p Also, your comments were worth sharing. Thanks.

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Rose Garden
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Re: the non Molly type... do you feel defective?

Post by Rose Garden »

Specifically relating to kids, when I had three kids I suddenly realized one day that I was miserable. I hated all the poppy diapers, you strewn floors, child discipline problems, etc. I was crushed because all I ever wanted was to be a mom and here I had my dream and I hated it. When I realized that, I went to the Lord and told him I wanted his help to learn not to be miserable.

Within a year I was living in Korea with no support system, experiencing my worst pregnancy ever, and then going through horrible 9 month long postpartum depression. Talk about misery. But through those experiences I learned to be happy in my motherhood. Really truly happy, or joyful would be a better word.

You don't have to accept your situation. Turn to the Lord and he can change your heart. But be prepared for a few bumps along the way.

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