The Negative Impact of Egalitarianism on a Marriage

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Srmaher
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The Negative Impact of Egalitarianism on a Marriage

Post by Srmaher »

A few months ago, The New York Times Magazine discussed a study which found that couples who considered their relationship as “egalitarian” had less sex than couples who adhered to traditional gender roles.

The results from this study surprised many. It was assumed that sex would improve as the marriage became more equal. Not so! This study found “that when men did certain kinds of chores around the house, couples had less sex. Specifically, if men did all of what the researchers characterized as feminine chores like folding laundry, cooking or vacuuming…then couples had sex 1.5 fewer times per month than those with husbands who did what were considered masculine chores, like taking out the trash or fixing the car….The more traditional the division of labor, meaning the greater the husband’s share of masculine chores compared with feminine ones, the greater his wife’s reported sexual satisfaction.“

Women “do want their husbands to help out — just in gender-specific ways. Couples in which the husband did plenty of traditionally male chores reported a 17.5 percent higher frequency of sexual intercourse than those in which the husband did none.”

The findings in this study comes as no surprise to those who work in the field of family therapy, “No matter how much sink-scrubbing and grocery-shopping the husband does, no matter how well husband and wife communicate with each other, no matter how sensitive they are to each other’s emotions and work schedules, the wife does not find her husband more sexually exciting, even if she feels both closer to and happier with him.

The bottom line is this, “the less gender differentiation, the less sexual desire. In other words, in an attempt to be gender-neutral, we may have become gender-neutered.“

For those who are LDS, consider these questions. What might the proclamation on the family say about the results of this study? Does the proclamation on the family encourage egalitarian marriages?

Personally, I don’t think so, but a person who sees life through the lens of equality might interpret this document as advocating egalitarianism, when in fact The Proclamation on the Family emphasizes distinct gender roles between men and woman. I believe The Proclamation on the Family, if followed to the extent circumstances allow, will lead to happier marriages.

I also believe it’s important to emphasize, when it comes to marriage there are no guarantees of living happily ever after. There have been many couples who have adhered to traditional gender roles and are now divorced. An important bit of fact to take from this study is that men and woman want different things, and it is those differences that attract us to each other.

Most (99.9%) of people who are married understand how important physical and emotional intimacy is. How important? President Kimball, a Prophet of the Mormon Church taught that the number one cause of divorce is over the issue of sex. “If you study the divorces…you will find that there are [many] reasons. Generally sex is the first. They did not get along sexually. They may not say that in the court. They may not even tell that to their attorneys, but that is the reason.”(The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 1982, p. 329)

The Proclamation on the family lays out clear guidelines for man and woman to follow in their relationship. The roles defined in this document are considered sexist and bigoted by today’s society. I myself am thankful that this study was done, as it confirms the wisdom found in The Proclamation. It shows that men and woman are in fact different, and it is those differences that attract us to one another.

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Reggie
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Location: Stockbridge, Georgia, USA

Re: The Negative Impact of Egalitarianism on a Marriage

Post by Reggie »

Not to argue with our belief in separate gender Identities; but this study was debunked for non-scientific methods which tainted the results. I would think it would be self evident that this would be too dependent on individualistic tendencies of each participant in a marriage to be reduced to a scientific study. My macho, electrician husband has had the duties of loading the dishwasher and doing the laundry his whole married life. He can also cry at some classical music. For me, these expressions of what I would call his "sensitive side" make him more appealing, sexually. But, I would also say, they never had anything to do with the frequency of our sex life for heavens sake. I personally would never take something that came out of Babylon to back up what has been given to us in the scriptures. I would also add, household chores have never been given to us in the scriptures. So, anytime a husband who spends very little time these days in his tradtional role as "protecter" wants to pitch in and pick up after himself and others, I will welcome it. :ymtongue:

Srmaher
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Posts: 30

Re: The Negative Impact of Egalitarianism on a Marriage

Post by Srmaher »

Reggie, I have no issue with anything you wrote, what the "study" shows is what common sense already dictates. That men and women are different AND that men and women want different things in each other. Even though the message from "babylon" (i.e.,The media and Academia) is just the opposite. Babylon try's to convince society that gender identities are noting more then social constructs and oppressive system meant to hold women back. Babylon has done a fantastic job at convincing many of the false reality as evidenced by the fact that the authors of this study (far left academics) was surprised to by the fact that those marriages that were "egalitarian" has less sex. Which to me is common sense, your case, your husbands masculinity is evident by his profession, which I believe is what women want. They also want their husband to help out around the house but NOT as their primary duty, Masculine role first, feminized role second. I think this study shows just how inspired the Proclamation on the family is because of its emphasis on gender roles which flys in the face of what "babylon" teaches. I also have another theory as why these couples are less intimate. When you have one (or both) people in the relationship pre-occupied with "equality," the spirit of contention and pride will enter the relationship

Fiannan
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Posts: 12983

Re: The Negative Impact of Egalitarianism on a Marriage

Post by Fiannan »

Just a note...in a study a few years back on the frequency of sex per nation in couples it was found that (in regards to Europe) one of the nations with the least amount of sex was Sweden, which is a nation where women are women and so are the men. Which nations were at the top? Russia and France -- two nations with far more defined gender roles.

Srmaher
captain of 10
Posts: 30

Re: The Negative Impact of Egalitarianism on a Marriage

Post by Srmaher »

Fiannan- lol, that's awesome. :))

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