Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

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MagicMajen
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Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

Post by MagicMajen »

Hi everyone! I'm new here and i thought this would be a great place to get some help. I am a 22 year old woman with an abandonment issue. I am so afraid that everyone i love with eventually leave me.. Because i have been left by others before. It all started when i was 12 years old, after my grandfather died. He was very close to me and i found it hard to cope with his loss. From that point i have had serious anxiety over any kind of large change. Such as starting the new school year or moving out of my parents home. Seems a little silly, i know but it has plagued me for over 10 years. It has folded over into my relationships as I've gotten older as well.
For the last couple years i haven't had the greatest luck with relationships, since the guys i date stick around for more than a week. (I know that I'm young and have plenty of time to find this thing called Love.) This is after they tell me that they will stick around and want to see where it all goes. Well they disappear and i never hear from them again. I'm in this new relationship with this wonderful man and he cares very deeply for me. I know he is sincere when he tells me that he wants a relationship, but i can't help but not believe him. We've been together about two weeks and yes i know its still pretty early to determine if it will last. I have a feeling that it will but the anxiety from not hearing much from him during the day freaks me out! I know he's busy with work and sometimes forgets to text back and such.. Ugh.. I really need to trust the Lord more but i can't help but wait for the phone call, text message or the in person talk that he's done.
I've always been afraid of those i love leaving me.. One day i want to not worry whether this guy will stick around or not.. I'm going to be going to a therapist to see if they can help me with this issue.. Any advice you could give would be great! :)

karend77
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Re: Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

Post by karend77 »

Dear MagicMajen,

Please do not think you are ever abandoned. Your dear grandfather was called home to continue his progression, remember the plan of salvation. In fact you might find he is nearby, if you need him, on the other side.

Guys come and go, just like jobs, schools, roommates. Count your blessings that those other guys left early in the relationship, not later. My father left my mom and I about the same age (12), by divorce.I went through a lot of guys dating, but I have been married for close to 30 years. Remember the saying "you got to kiss alot of frogs to find your prince" :) You are worthy of long lasting love and you need to convince yourself of that. Put post-it notes every where affirming the positive. Good advice from a counselor is..... when anxious visualize somewhere that makes you feel safe- the beach, the mountains, whatever. Hear the sounds, remember the smells and the feeling (warmth of the sun if at the beach, for instance).

Congratulations on having someone who cares about you. Enjoy the journey.

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Honor
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Re: Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

Post by Honor »

I don't know if I have advice, but I understand what you're going through. Mine stems from my father leaving us when I was 7. He was always in my life after that, but never fully in, and never when it didn't suit him.

After I got married, I realized I was projecting what my father had done onto my husband. I just KNEW he was going to cheat on me. I knew every time he didn't call me during the day, or was late getting home, or anything else he was lying to me. And it would ultimately lead to him leaving.

It's taken 16 years to realize he is not my dad and not every man is a lying, selfish person.

I have had to literally talk myself down from the edge so many times. It will just take time. And over time I learned my husband is honest. He's loyal. He's not a lying cheater.

Pray for help. Find someone to talk to, that helped me. Through talking things out when I was upset I could see how irrational I was sometimes being.

:) it gets better. It's just a process. It takes relearning some things.

JohnnyL
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Re: Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

Post by JohnnyL »

Yes, projection often = self-fulfilling prophecy.

Energy healing to the rescue! PEAT, EFT sound good for this. It MIGHT cost you $200 for complete resolution of this and other related issues. It might be less.

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Original_Intent
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Re: Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

Post by Original_Intent »

I realize this is posted in "Sisters in Zion", but from a guys PoV I'd recommend watching "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days". one of my wife's and my favorite movies.

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theBruceGuy
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Re: Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

Post by theBruceGuy »

I used to practice as a Hypnotherapist in the UK. I would advise you that if you can find an Analytical Hypnotherapist that would assist you greatly.

Unfortunately, as it has been over 15 years since I last practiced, I no longer have the correct contacts to track a suitable therapist in your area.

Another idea would be to contact the Landmark Forum http://www.landmarkworldwide.com/ and attend their introduction meeting, that would also benefit you.

Best wishes

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Rose Garden
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Re: Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

Post by Rose Garden »

There are a lot of people who deal with similar issues. Our spirits know that we are meant to be together and we are traumatized when we experience separation. I think it might be helpful to see it more as a sign that you desire eternal relationships than to see it as some sort of "problem" or mental issue. I think the best thing you could do would be to talk to the young man about it. If the relationship is going to be long term, you will find it helpful to talk over everything.

GeeR
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Re: Dealing with Abandonment Anxiety..

Post by GeeR »

Just my personal opinion but stay away from counselors, can a counselor give better advice than loving parents and the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost? My brother-in-law is a psychologist and he was advising people while having a 7 year affair with his secretary. I’ve heard most counselors are receiving counsel from other counselors, if true what good are these people.
After 40 years of marriage to the same wonderful women I can tell you the abandonment issue never goes away because it’s one of the test in mortality. Men will be tempted with the grass is greener on the other side of the fence syndrome all their lives. The trick is to be converted and in tune with the Holy Ghost to the degree that you love truth and righteousness more than the siren sounds of pleasure and wickedness. It’s a combative and ongoing process. We all will have disappointments in this life that is why the Lord says we will only find comfort and security in His love not in His prone to sin children who will someday be our future husbands and wives. A saying that has kind-of given me perspective through life is: “expect to be disappointed in people, that way you’ll never be disappointed.”

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