Traditions of the mothers

[ask*seek*findcaptain of 50]

So tonight, I officially told my youngest daughter (7 1/2 years) that Santa is not real. She really, really wanted to know the truth. At first, I said "What do you think?" She said she really didn't know ...that some kids said he was and some kids said he wasn't. I asked her if she was sure she really wanted to know. She said she really wanted to know. I asked her if she would be happy or sad to find out if he was real or not, or if it didn't matter if he was real or not. She said she didn't think it would matter. That's the short version of our conversation.

Here is the longer version....

When she said some kids say he's real and some kids say he's not, I told her some people say a lot of other things are real and a lot of other things are not real. Then the subject of God came up. And I asked her if someone told her God was NOT real would she believe them?

She said no.

I asked her if she believed God was real.

She said yes.

Then I told her that I knew God was real.

Then I asked her if someone told her Santa was not real, would she believe them.

She said, she wasn't sure...wouldn't I just tell her.

I asked her if I had ever told her Santa was real?

She thought about it and said no.

"So what do you think?" I asked.

She said, she wasn't sure.

I asked her again if I had ever told her that Santa was real or that he put presents in her stocking?

She thought about it and said "no."

What are all the reasons you think he might be real and what are all the reasons you think he might not be real?

Can't you just tell me, Mom?

"I can," I said, "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes," she said.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said, "but I think I know what you are going to say."

"If I said, no, he wasn't real, would you be sad? Or happy or it doesn't matter?" [If she had said, she might be sad, I might have asked her if she wanted her answer at another time or if she still wanted it now. But I would have still told her the truth.]

"I don't know she said. Can you just tell me?"

"_________ [Her name]," I said, "Santa is not real....How do you feel about that?"

"I don't know," she said. "How did the presents get in the stocking?"

"Dad and I put them in," I said.

"How did we not see you do it?"

"We waited until you fell asleep or we waited until early in the morning before you got up."

"Oh," she said. "What if I would have stayed up or seen you?" [Or something to that effect.]

"Your brother did that one night and saw us, but I think he already had been told that Santa wasn't real at that point. Are you sad that he is not real?" I asked.

"No," she said. "What should I tell other kids who think he is real?"

[This is where I think I should have first reflected the question back to her, about what she thought she should do, but oh well.] "I think you should let their parents or someone else tell them. Do you think you will still have fun at Christmas and have fun opening your presents in your stockings?"

"Yes," she said. "It will still be fun."

I told her that we could learn where the traditions of Christmas really came from and how they got started. [On school nights, (not in the summer) every other Wednesday, the girls look forward to choosing a subject they want to learn about and then we do research together on that night. So based on their questions and desires to learn we have watched so far about planets, chicken eggs, the video, "The Miracle of Life", and maybe volcanoes...or maybe volcanoes was a book we looked at and not a video. Anyway, they really look forward to those Wednesday night learning sessions, where they determine the subject they study.]

Then her next question was, "What I would really like to know is, where did God come from? I have always really wondered about that question."

I told her she could ask God about that question. She could ask Him anything and He would hear her prayer. "Do you believe that?"

"Yes," she said, "but I'm scared to ask?"

"Why are you scared? "

"I don't know."

"Have you ever asked Him anything? (I believe she understood we were talking about personal prayer and not family prayer or dinner prayer.)

"Yes," she answered.

"Have you ever had a prayer answered?"

"Yes," she said, "But can't you ask him, Mom?"

I said, "Let's both ask Him and then talk later."

So that is what I am going to do. I am going to ask God how to handle this and how I should answer her and what the answer for her is. I will ponder and pray for it about a week. So far, I haven't had trouble answering my kids questions honestly and simply about where babies come from, or answering any other doctrinal questions using my experience, knowledge, or the scriptures. I just want to really have inspiration in answering this question in the right way. I know this is ultimately up to me how I handle this. But was wondering how other parents have handled this and how were your feelings of how you answered this question if you were ever asked it by your kids or if you ever answered it. What scriptures or questions did you use or would you use to help them with this?

I have decided not to look at the answers or comments you give me on this thread for a week. And even then, I realize that by asking others, I might be relying on the "arm of the flesh." I want to try to come to an idea with my own searching and seeking and praying first, and then discussion with my hubby, then read your answers and see if there is anything else I should pray about after reading the answers on this forum here in a week.

[shadowcaptain of 1,000]

Santa isn't real?

[Called to Servecaptain of 1,000]

I grew up with the whole Santa is real thing and did the same when my kids were little, but then I started to feel guilty whenever I told them about Santa. It kind of surprised me. So I started praying about it and felt like I should tell my kids the truth. It was one of the scariest things I've done and took me over a year to get around to it. When I finally told my kids the truth, I literally felt the magic of Santa dying and I wondered if I'd made a big mistake. But then, moments later, as I was still talking with my kids, I realized that there is something greater I could offer my kids: the power of God. I was filled again with a sense of the Spirit and it was stronger than the magic that had died.

Santa is a magical part of our Christmases and we give something up when we don't teach our kids to believe in him, but truly there is something greater, something more fulfilling, out there. Some day, they are going to learn that Santa isn't real, But their pursuit after God will only lead to greater and greater things for them.

Fun Christmas traditions can lead to strong families. I don't know that allowing children to believe fairy tales is wrong. But there's something greater. Whatever else you teach your kids, make sure you teach them about Christ and help them know He is real.

[ask*seek*findcaptain of 50]

We never taught our children with words that Santa existed or talked about him really. We never left a plate of cookies and milk for Santa. I never labeled the presents that were in the stockings "from Santa." We never invited a "Santa" to our home. I don't think I ever took them to one at the mall. I may have asked them if they wanted to get in line once to sit on his lap, as we passed by, but my oldest children both declined anyway. I never made extra pains to wrap the presents in the stocking with different wrapping paper than the other presents who were from someone under the tree. I never banned books about Santa from our home nor forbid relatives or friends from talking to them about Santa. If there was a Santa at a ward party, then they could get on his lap if they chose. Anything they learned from Santa was from other people and not directly from us. The only instance I may have been "guilty" of perpetuating the fun, magical myth was in my actions, which do speak louder than words, in that the stockings were filled at some point between Christmas Even and Christmas morning every year.

So in a sense they grew up with the magic of Santa, but I allowed others to do the teaching...I did not. I have a set of older kids as well. They double-teamed me when we were travelling somewhere when the oldest was about 5 or 6 and the youngest was 3 or 4 and insisted that I tell them if Santa was real. I did the same thing. " What do you think?," and they got angry and said just tell us. So I did. Then they were satisfied, but we did discuss how to handle the Santa thing with friends.

My son did stay up a few years later and hid to watch us fill the stockings just to satisfy his curiosity, and that was after he had already been told. Kids are so funny.

So it was my 7 1/2 year old who I had the conversation with in the OP. Yet my 9 1/2 year old daughter is now the only child I haven't had this conversation with!

They are all so different.

My husband was devastated when he found out he had been "lied to" by his parents.

I was taught by my parents that Santa was real. I just remember always being skeptical of the Easter bunny and Santa at an early age. When I saw the rubberband holding up the beard of the Santa who came to our home when I was little, I knew for sure.

I was more disturbed at the age of 24 when I found out things in church history that I had been taught or understood were different and incomplete from what I was then learning than I ever was about the Santa thing. Too bad I couldn't have dealt with that with same "no big deal" attitude that I had the Santa thing.

[Zkulptorcaptain of 100]

My kids know I dress up as Santa, but they know it's me 100% they are Ok with it.

[Called to Servecaptain of 1,000]

My kids believed in Santa 100% but I never really did the Easter Bunny with them until one year. When I told my oldest that the Easter Bunny would come and hide eggs, I got the most skeptical look from her and she said, "Are you sure?" in a voice that said she was anything but! All talk of the Easter Bunny died right then and there. Boy did I feel silly!