husband trying to recover from porn addiction

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Melissa
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Melissa » Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:05 am

Fiannan wrote:
I view men who watch porn as weak, not the type who would want multiple wives and kids. They obviously look at porn for a reason and that could be that they lack confidence to receive pleasure 1st person or they don't know how to build confidence with a woman, so they are cheap and spend their time simply jerk in to naked strangers. Sounds pathetic to me honestly.
Or maybe they look at porn because God programmed men to get a high off looking at naked women, just as God programmed women to get a high off looking at or thinking about things that pertain to sexuality.

The problem is that like the Sirens in Greek literature it can substitute for real relationships. Sorry for not sounding like Mr. Mackey from Southpark and, rather than drugs, say "Porn is bad, m'kay?" I prefer to see why it is bad and go from there. That is probably the best way to combat it.

And just to note, again, women look at porn too.
And your post reply is really bad on many levels. It places man in a helpless state victim to his sexual desires and women in a state of being acted upon. A man wants the celestial kingdom to have multiple wives? Isint that kinda the wrong focus? There is NO WAY a man will make it to the celestial kingdom if he is watching pornography and no way he will make it unless he embodies the celestial mentality and maturity of spirit...then multiple wives loses its earthy appeal because it will not be something that goes through the mind of a celestial being.
No, men, and women, need to avoid it. However, in the animal kingdom, which humans are part, created by the same God, men seek mates and females lure mates. Why do women shave their bodies and put on makeup, because it makes them feel better? No, they do it to attract the best possible mate, or hold onto him. Porn capitalizes on the desire of men to desire attractive, fertile, women and, like a fishing lure to a fish, use these desires against the male. Women too like porn but, ironically, are more into the types that involve explicit romantic scenes (same thing as men, but for slightly different reasons). There are quite detailed theories in evolutionary psychology for that.

As for polygamy, I remember a Muslim imam giving a talk to men to avoid immoral women and he asked what man in his right mind would sacrifice an eternity with hundreds of black-eyed white women for a few moments with an immoral woman. I have actually heard people in Church make similar statements in regards to eternal polygamy and increase. I think it is a good point but the porn itself is dragging people away from the necessary commandment to marry and make a bunch of kids in this life.
In the animal world, it's the often the males that attract a mate and have vibrant colors and elaborate dances and courting rituals. The male wants to be the best to attract any female who would be willing to carry his offspring because that is what makes him a proud male.

Humans don't operate quite the same. I observe the males dressing poorly and gaining weight and not working out or grooming but simply sitting back and putting unreal expectations on women to make them jump through hoops and simply throw money at them (if they have it). Women dress and act and groom the way they do because our society has its priorities and roles reversed.

Women are the ones who bear children yet are expected to reach an unreal and often very very damaging "sex" appeal. Womens bodies are not mean to be the way media portrays them to be. And after children, the body changes and isint it's youthful state but it has been tried and tested and passed but will not be the same.

Men should honor a woman who bears his children and respect her ability to do so instead of retaining his stupid programmed ideas of what a woman is. A woman is not a male pleasurer, any more than men would want to simply be sex appral and pleasure for women.

A woman is a vessel for life and a mother to children and a woman is a talented person who wants to be appreciated for not only her abilities to grow children but her talents and skills, not her looks.

This world has everybody all messed up and it's hurting everyone. So, anyone who prescribes to the "world" mentality will certainly not be doing things right.

A man is not programmed to look at porn, he just likes it. But a real man doesn't sit back and watch, he goes and gets. That's why I say men who sit back and watch porn either at home or at a club or a movie etc, are weak. Why pay a ton of money to watch fake women dance when you can spend less and have a real woman who is your partner and you can actually experience and can have your own children?

Women are programmed to have children by the best males, so when a woman cheats on her husband because he is getting older and less attractive or starts balding or loses his job, do you excuse them as well by stating they are programmed to do it. We each male and female are naturally programmed to be sinful. We can each succumb to our natural state or we can live by principles that govern our lives and be powerful instead of victims to our natural instincts and animal nature.

Ahh, that's attractive! A person who is powerful and in control and isint weak succumbing to all the weakness of flesh claiming they can't help it or making other excuses. But hey, that's me and I live by principles and feel I can stand on my own two feet and speak for myself without hiding behind shame of the flesh. We all need to stop making excuses for bad behavior and start learning how to overcome the flesh and the world and live with a purpose other than to be weak and victims of ourselves.

God made us imperfect so we could learn to do this, if we desire. Most will not choose this and thus most will not make it to the celestial kingdom. "Few there will be who will make it".

I understand what you are saying Fiannan, and I appreciate you explaining why you take the angle you do about porn. Putting focus on the right and true expressions and experiences between the genders certainly does help to put porn and other cheaper distractions into the proper place. I think your wording and perspective is sometimes mistaken for your advocating for porn to some degree and you lack the real time consequences it brings to males and females which also comes accross as being "unfeeling" or naive about the psychological damage of porn. Maybe if you mentioned those things, people could see your good intentions more.

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Sirocco » Sun Jan 01, 2017 11:03 am

Pornography is free, dating isn't free lol
Dating is also pretty horrible in my experience, but then again millennial women are also generally not worth marrying, in my opinion.
I did see the merit of reality vs fantasy though it's not how I wanted said reality .
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Melissa » Sun Jan 01, 2017 12:41 pm

Sirocco wrote:Pornography is free, dating isn't free lol
Dating is also pretty horrible in my experience, but then again millennial women are also generally not worth marrying, in my opinion.
I did see the merit of reality vs fantasy though it's not how I wanted said reality .
I don't think many really like reality. Reality sucks and is hard. But taking the easy path doesn't lead to greatness.

Porn is not a substitute for a warm body. Porn is a deviation that most often involves one loving on themselves. We are meant to get married and that is where we learn so much and can grow and learn and change. Clicking the screen to the next porn shot is not growth.

Some will not marry in this life but those that are capable of marrying should. There is someone for everyone! I don't know how old you are and I myself have been out of the dating scene for 10 years so don't know what it's like these days. This generation is some of the dumbest and most selfish but it's also supposed to be some of the greatest. Just have to get out of the world thinking and find someone just as weird and quirky as you ;)
That's what the rest of us did.

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby freedomforall » Sun Jan 01, 2017 5:56 pm

If porn were the same as a cesspool. how many people would engage in it then?
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Sirocco » Sun Jan 01, 2017 11:09 pm

Melissa wrote:
Sirocco wrote:Pornography is free, dating isn't free lol
Dating is also pretty horrible in my experience, but then again millennial women are also generally not worth marrying, in my opinion.
I did see the merit of reality vs fantasy though it's not how I wanted said reality .
I don't think many really like reality. Reality sucks and is hard. But taking the easy path doesn't lead to greatness.

Porn is not a substitute for a warm body. Porn is a deviation that most often involves one loving on themselves. We are meant to get married and that is where we learn so much and can grow and learn and change. Clicking the screen to the next porn shot is not growth.

Some will not marry in this life but those that are capable of marrying should. There is someone for everyone! I don't know how old you are and I myself have been out of the dating scene for 10 years so don't know what it's like these days. This generation is some of the dumbest and most selfish but it's also supposed to be some of the greatest. Just have to get out of the world thinking and find someone just as weird and quirky as you ;)
That's what the rest of us did.
I'm 28 now, and yes I agree it is no substitute.
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby freedomforall » Mon Jan 02, 2017 12:58 am

Sirocco wrote:
Melissa wrote:
Sirocco wrote:Pornography is free, dating isn't free lol
Dating is also pretty horrible in my experience, but then again millennial women are also generally not worth marrying, in my opinion.
I did see the merit of reality vs fantasy though it's not how I wanted said reality .
I don't think many really like reality. Reality sucks and is hard. But taking the easy path doesn't lead to greatness.

Porn is not a substitute for a warm body. Porn is a deviation that most often involves one loving on themselves. We are meant to get married and that is where we learn so much and can grow and learn and change. Clicking the screen to the next porn shot is not growth.

Some will not marry in this life but those that are capable of marrying should. There is someone for everyone! I don't know how old you are and I myself have been out of the dating scene for 10 years so don't know what it's like these days. This generation is some of the dumbest and most selfish but it's also supposed to be some of the greatest. Just have to get out of the world thinking and find someone just as weird and quirky as you ;)
That's what the rest of us did.
I'm 28 now, and yes I agree it is no substitute.
I was 28 once, 41 years ago. Time sure is fun when you have flies. Or is it "Flies are fun when you have the time?" Or "time involves having flies for fun" "Flies, in time, lose their fun." Oh, well, there must be some correct wording. But time flies and I miss the fun.
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REALITY...IS NOTHING MORE THAN FANTASY IN ACTION.

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Fiannan » Mon Jan 02, 2017 2:24 am

Sirocco wrote:Pornography is free, dating isn't free lol
Dating is also pretty horrible in my experience, but then again millennial women are also generally not worth marrying, in my opinion.
I did see the merit of reality vs fantasy though it's not how I wanted said reality .
You only have to find one woman, just one, that makes you happy.

As for this whole pornography debate today, with so many people substituting porn for real relationships, isn't that akin to a woman skipping marriage and children and substituting a bunch of cats instead?
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Spider » Tue Jan 03, 2017 11:29 pm

Many men who view porn are happily married with an active sex life. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they desire sex every day rather than several times a week. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because sex with the same person loses some of its excitement. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they are unhappy with their lives and porn gives them a temporary endorphin rush.

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Sirocco » Wed Jan 04, 2017 12:25 am

Spider wrote:Many men who view porn are happily married with an active sex life. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they desire sex every day rather than several times a week. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because sex with the same person loses some of its excitement. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they are unhappy with their lives and porn gives them a temporary endorphin rush.
I would argue sex with different people loses its excitement after awhile.
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Fiannan » Wed Jan 04, 2017 9:31 am

Sirocco wrote:
Spider wrote:Many men who view porn are happily married with an active sex life. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they desire sex every day rather than several times a week. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because sex with the same person loses some of its excitement. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they are unhappy with their lives and porn gives them a temporary endorphin rush.
I would argue sex with different people loses its excitement after awhile.
I think there are a variety of reasons why people access porn. What you said has merit. There are also men whose wives consider sex once a month a chore but the man loves her so turns to porn rather than cheat on her. There are others who like the taboo associated with it. There are still others who use it because they are not in a relationship.Then again I have heard of men looking at porn before a major workout - sublimating the sex drive they build up into weight training.

In regards to women, there are those who are not fulfilled in their sex life for one reason or another so they turn to porn for substitute romance (generally viewing couple or lesbian channels). Other women use porn to switch their minds into a sexual mood before a date night with the husband, or just to push out worries and anxieties from their minds so they can engage in sex with their husband. And yes, there are those who like the taboo of porn.

Most people who access porn are not addicts, that is my main point.
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby freedomforall » Wed Jan 04, 2017 5:48 pm

Fiannan wrote:
Sirocco wrote:
Spider wrote:Many men who view porn are happily married with an active sex life. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they desire sex every day rather than several times a week. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because sex with the same person loses some of its excitement. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they are unhappy with their lives and porn gives them a temporary endorphin rush.
I would argue sex with different people loses its excitement after awhile.
I think there are a variety of reasons why people access porn. What you said has merit. There are also men whose wives consider sex once a month a chore but the man loves her so turns to porn rather than cheat on her. There are others who like the taboo associated with it. There are still others who use it because they are not in a relationship.Then again I have heard of men looking at porn before a major workout - sublimating the sex drive they build up into weight training.

In regards to women, there are those who are not fulfilled in their sex life for one reason or another so they turn to porn for substitute romance (generally viewing couple or lesbian channels). Other women use porn to switch their minds into a sexual mood before a date night with the husband, or just to push out worries and anxieties from their minds so they can engage in sex with their husband. And yes, there are those who like the taboo of porn.

Most people who access porn are not addicts, that is my main point.
Does all this reasoning make porn okay somehow?
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Fiannan » Thu Jan 05, 2017 12:24 am

freedomforall wrote:
Fiannan wrote:
Sirocco wrote:
Spider wrote:Many men who view porn are happily married with an active sex life. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they desire sex every day rather than several times a week. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because sex with the same person loses some of its excitement. Perhaps they are drawn to porn because they are unhappy with their lives and porn gives them a temporary endorphin rush.
I would argue sex with different people loses its excitement after awhile.
I think there are a variety of reasons why people access porn. What you said has merit. There are also men whose wives consider sex once a month a chore but the man loves her so turns to porn rather than cheat on her. There are others who like the taboo associated with it. There are still others who use it because they are not in a relationship.Then again I have heard of men looking at porn before a major workout - sublimating the sex drive they build up into weight training.

In regards to women, there are those who are not fulfilled in their sex life for one reason or another so they turn to porn for substitute romance (generally viewing couple or lesbian channels). Other women use porn to switch their minds into a sexual mood before a date night with the husband, or just to push out worries and anxieties from their minds so they can engage in sex with their husband. And yes, there are those who like the taboo of porn.

Most people who access porn are not addicts, that is my main point.
Does all this reasoning make porn okay somehow?
No it does not. It merely offers and explanation as to why most people who access porn do so. They are not addicts for the most part. Of course it is an immoral practice, but not psychological for maybe 95% of people engaged in it. This is not to say it is good, it isn't. One could see it as enticing people to engage in behaviors they might never have considered had they not viewed porn, or some people might sublimate their drives to find a mate and reproduce into porn instead (look at Japan).
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Sirocco » Thu Jan 05, 2017 11:16 pm

Yes I have to admit having met someone I feel great attraction towards, love I guess, feels terrible.
Nothing about this is good, I was told it would be good, not full of nervousness and sad thoughts.
I understand Japan now lol
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby BruceRGilbert » Wed Mar 29, 2017 8:15 am

I wish to speak very clearly and plainly about this "spiritual" disease. Speaking in such terms requires a clear definition as to what is "spiritual." The "consciousness" within us is comprised of "thoughts" and "feelings." They are scripturally ascribed as originating from our "mind" and "heart." A preponderance of these terms will yield them as either "enlightened" and "nurtured" or, conversely, "darkened" and "emptied." Being that "light," (and certainly one can make a study of its importance and process by which it is obtained,) has three "modes" of existence - radiated (sourced,) reflected (borrowed) or absorbed (stolen,) it is apparent that pornography is involved in the later . . . the stealing or absorption of light. It is darkness and it will diminish "consciousness." This means that those who continue to bathe in it are going to be devoid of "light" . . . intelligence . . . spirit and their feelings are going to be "emptied." It changes "making love" into "having sex." It takes the "spirit" out of the "body," leaving nothing but an empty shell as an object of lust.

One must learn how to school and control their thoughts and their feelings. The mastery over self is the first lesson of any disciple of Christ.
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby simpleton » Wed Mar 29, 2017 4:34 pm

Very easy to understand, not complicated at all.

"and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.
The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever...
The above will not happen to porn addicts...
And also: " But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart".

So just by looking/lusting we become adulterers and by having the spirit of adultery, the Spirit of God absolutely cannot abide in us, unless we repent completely....

I'll never forget the story back in the early days of the church where a missionary was preaching the gospel in a building/church and an unruly fellow kept asking for sign. The missionary quoted the bible where it says that "an adulterous generation seeketh a sign" So then says the missionary " you must be an adulterer" , another fellow stands up and said " he is for we caught him in the act".... he later repented and joined the church....

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby simpleton » Wed Mar 29, 2017 5:34 pm

Here ya go...

Joseph Smith:
When I was preaching in Philadelphia, a Quaker called out for a sign. I told him to be still. After the sermon, he again asked for a sign. I told the congregation the man was an adulterer; that a wicked and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and that the Lord had said to me in a revelation, that any man who wanted a sign was an adulterous person. 'It is true,' cried one, 'for I caught him in the very act,' which the man afterwards confessed when he was baptized." (Teachings, p. 278.)

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Fiannan » Thu Mar 30, 2017 12:55 am

So just by looking/lusting we become adulterers and by having the spirit of adulter...
Jesus was a Jew speaking to Jews. Jews do not interpret the word "lust" quite the same way that we have come to think of it today in the "Christian" world. To truly lust means you covet, contemplate and scheme in your mind (heart) to have that person. In this way a Jewish woman could never covet a married man because that man could also marry her in God's plan for eternal marriage. However, a man who looked at a single or married woman and wanted to have her just for fun (thus violating the rights of her father if she is single, or her husband if married) was guilty of what Jesus was talking about.
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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby BackBlast » Fri Apr 14, 2017 2:49 pm

Melissa, you made many good points. I have a few quibbles.
Melissa wrote:
Sun Jan 01, 2017 10:05 am
In the animal world, it's the often the males that attract a mate and have vibrant colors and elaborate dances and courting rituals. The male wants to be the best to attract any female who would be willing to carry his offspring because that is what makes him a proud male.

Humans don't operate quite the same. I observe the males dressing poorly and gaining weight and not working out or grooming but simply sitting back and putting unreal expectations on women to make them jump through hoops and simply throw money at them (if they have it). Women dress and act and groom the way they do because our society has its priorities and roles reversed.
Generally I disagree that men are suppose to be like peacocks in the manner you seem to suggest (via looks). Men are peacocks, but not generally with their bodies/looks/appearance. It's their possessions or marks of affluence. Among worldly, it's cars, jobs, earning power or poential, houses. Among more spiritually minded in the church it's being an RM, maybe attending BYU, occasionally callings, your mission callings, there's always some mark of affluence. This helps a woman understand a man will be able to fulfill his role as a provider - there is definitely a natural draw.
Women are the ones who bear children yet are expected to reach an unreal and often very very damaging "sex" appeal. Womens bodies are not mean to be the way media portrays them to be. And after children, the body changes and isint it's youthful state but it has been tried and tested and passed but will not be the same.

Men should honor a woman who bears his children and respect her ability to do so instead of retaining his stupid programmed ideas of what a woman is. A woman is not a male pleasurer, any more than men would want to simply be sex appral and pleasure for women.

A woman is a vessel for life and a mother to children and a woman is a talented person who wants to be appreciated for not only her abilities to grow children but her talents and skills, not just her looks.
Fixed it for you. I have never known a woman who doesn't care about her looks. I've have known some that pretend they don't care, but they still do. Even when men aren't involved at all, women will often still judge each other by looks. Even my two and three year old girls who have little exposure to modern media treasure complements about how they look.

I mostly agree with the rest of your point. I think it's very hard on women to have their bodies change, the world makes this worse but it is likely to happen to some extent anyway. Some tough humbling lessons there for the obedient, and challenges for a husband to show his love through some mists of self-doubt from those changes.
A man is not programmed to look at porn, he just likes it. But a real man doesn't sit back and watch, he goes and gets. That's why I say men who sit back and watch porn either at home or at a club or a movie etc, are weak. Why pay a ton of money to watch fake women dance when you can spend less and have a real woman who is your partner and you can actually experience and can have your own children?
You are appealing to a man's desire for wealth here. I'd argue that those women idols are cheap, not expensive. And this is one of the draws. If you include time, caring for another's happiness, protection, worry, and most especially changes required in yourself to make someone else happy (humility!) - a real women is very VERY expensive relative to a convenient fling, whore, or image. Which can be disposed of with relative ease once she is inconvenient. One of those cases where you get what you pay for x1000.

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Gage » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:30 am

And after children, the body changes and isint it's youthful state but it has been tried and tested and passed but will not be the same.
Men should honor a woman who bears his children and respect her ability to do so instead of retaining his stupid programmed ideas of what a woman is.


Ok so all these women that you see pics posted in bikinis 6 days after giving birth screaming look at me, look at me I am skinny again- this is done because of men and their stupid programming. Gotcha.

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Fiannan » Fri Apr 21, 2017 6:47 am

Gage wrote:
Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:30 am
And after children, the body changes and isint it's youthful state but it has been tried and tested and passed but will not be the same.
Men should honor a woman who bears his children and respect her ability to do so instead of retaining his stupid programmed ideas of what a woman is.


Ok so all these women that you see pics posted in bikinis 6 days after giving birth screaming look at me, look at me I am skinny again- this is done because of men and their stupid programming. Gotcha.
Men are programmed to see certain looks as attractive as are women. And women getting in shape after birth is a good thing. Think the afterlife might be as this man envisions?

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Re: husband trying to recover from porn addiction

Postby Sunain » Sun Apr 30, 2017 9:37 pm

Damaged Goods: Perception of Pornography Addiction as a Mediator Between Religiosity and Relationship Anxiety Surrounding Pornography Use
Nathan D. Leonhardt, Brian J. Willoughby & Bonnie Young-Petersen
Recent research on pornography suggests that perception of addiction predicts negative outcomes above and beyond pornography use. Research has also suggested that religious individuals are more likely to perceive themselves to be addicted to pornography, regardless of how often they are actually using pornography. Using a sample of 686 unmarried adults, this study reconciles and expands on previous research by testing perceived addiction to pornography as a mediator between religiosity and relationship anxiety surrounding pornography. Results revealed that pornography use and religiosity were weakly associated with higher relationship anxiety surrounding pornography use, whereas perception of pornography addiction was highly associated with relationship anxiety surrounding pornography use. However, when perception of pornography addiction was inserted as a mediator in a structural equation model, pornography use had a small indirect effect on relationship anxiety surrounding pornography use, and perception of pornography addiction partially mediated the association between religiosity and relationship anxiety surrounding pornography use. By understanding how pornography use, religiosity, and perceived pornography addiction connect to relationship anxiety surrounding pornography use in the early relationship formation stages, we hope to improve the chances of couples successfully addressing the subject of pornography and mitigate difficulties in romantic relationships.
Religious Conflict Makes Porn Bad for Relationships
It's actually religion and identity as a porn addict that hurts people, not porn
Posted Apr 17, 2017

New research from Brigham Young University examines the role of pornography use, self-perceived “addiction” to pornography, and religion on relationship anxiety. The results were surprising, and confirmed a building school of research which indicates that the effects of pornography on individuals vary based on moral and religious beliefs, and that seeing oneself as addicted to porn is far more damaging than actually using pornography.

Leonhardt, Willoughby, and Young-Petersen did a large, cross-sectional survey of 686 single adults, using the MTurk system. They were investigating what effects pornography use — and the belief that one was addicted to pornography — had on an individual’s relationship anxiety. A major component of the research was exploring the “Damaged Goods Hypothesis," as it relates to porn use. The Damaged Goods Hypothesis is the theory that some people come to view themselves as deficient, immoral, or tainted, often as a result of sexual behaviors, or after being victims of rape or sexual abuse. As a result of viewing themselves that way, a “damaged” person isolates themselves from the social supports and personal engagement which would actually counteract these negative self-perceptions. It becomes a scary, sad, and circular self-fulfilling prophecy.

Relationship anxiety predicts less satisfactory relationships, as a person essentially makes relationships fail by believing they are doomed, and that the other person will always eventually reject them once they learn about the deep, dark secret that turned them into “damaged goods.” Out of fear of rejection, many people keep their pornography use secret, particularly when they are from religious, and especially Christian, communities or backgrounds.

That religious, conservative background leads people to overestimate the harm and shame attached to pornography use, and to experience greater distress related to porn use, which they label as an “addiction.” One study at a Christian college found that 60 percent of Christian males seeking help for porn-related problems viewed themselves as addicted to pornography, although only 5 percent of those men met any of the criteria related to addictive disorders. Recent research has found that belief in oneself as a pornography addict is predicted by religious values, and not by porn use, and that this perception of oneself as addicted predicts negative emotional outcomes, while actual porn use does not.

The BYU study found further results which support the idea that it’s not porn use, but rather the belief in porn addiction and the conflict with religion, which predict porn-related problems. In this study, they found that:

* Perception of pornography addiction is more important than actual pornography use in predicting many outcomes, and that the level of religious belief was especially important in predicting negative outcomes from porn use. What's fascinating is that already several critiques of this study's findings have been published online, coming from people who promote the porn addiction concept. Unfortunately, these people appear unwilling or unable to confront their part in spreading a damaging, harmful belief.

* People who use pornography are unlikely to experience relationship anxiety about their porn use — that is, to view themselves as damaged goods that others would reject for their porn use — unless the individual views themselves as a porn addict. So viewing yourself as a porn addict causes harm, by leading you to feel ashamed of yourself and your sexual behaviors, to be afraid of rejection and judgment, and thus to isolate yourself or end up having unsuccessful relationships, caused not by your porn use, but by your fear that you are broken and powerless over porn, and that others will and should reject you for it.

In one analysis, the researchers controlled for the effects of both religion and self-perceived porn addiction and found that, for such people, increased porn use actually decreased relationship anxiety about porn. Why? We can only speculate, and these results might be spurious, as the authors caution against over-interpreting this finding. But it might be that exposure to porn decreases the fear of it and the belief that porn is inherently bad. It also teaches one that they can self-manage their sexual feelings.

Belief in oneself being a pornography addict was a large part of the relationship between religiousness and relationship anxiety about porn. Level of religiousness predicted the likelihood that a person would see themselves as a porn addict, regardless of the amount of porn used, supporting the building argument that the concept of porn addiction is largely tied to moral and religious feelings about porn, and not to actual porn use. But in this study, even religious persons who did not view themselves as porn addicts had higher relationship anxiety about porn, while people who were not religious and didn’t feel addicted to porn didn't experience any negative outcomes from their porn use.

Take home message: If you are religious, you probably shouldn’t watch porn. It is likely to lead to you feeling that you’re addicted, and then developing shame around your identity and your porn use. That shame and anxiety is going to cause you problems in your life and in your relationships. But pornography is not a "superstimulus" that has an effect on everybody and anybody. The effects vary, by person, based on things such as their religiousness, history of porn use, history of sexuality, and relationship experience.

If you are a religious person and have already watched porn, already feel that you’re an addict, and are worried about the impact of porn on your relationship, then the way to deal with these problems has nothing to do with porn, or stopping your use. Religion is very helpful in many people's lives, bringing peace, a sense of meaning and community. Unfortunately, most religions aren't very good about sex, especially in the modern world, where porn is just a click away. Instead, the best therapeutic strategies involve reducing your shame and self-doubt, helping you to change behaviors as opposed to your identity, increasing your sense of personal self-control, examining your beliefs about sexuality and pornography, and learning how to negotiate sexual acceptance within yourself and your relationships. Treat the shame, not the porn.
It seems BYU and the church's stance on porn are a wee bit in conflict now. Telling all the priesthood brethren they are porn addicts when they actually aren't is creating high levels of anxiety. The study indicates that it's more the guilt trip and the religious stance that partners have that is the actual problem and that is the issue causing marital issues. It seems very few people actually have a porn addiction, only 5%.

Why do people go to porn? Because there is an issue in their sexual life that is unfulfilled. An underlying issue in Mormonism for years has been sexual repression. I'm not saying viewing porn is good, merely that it isn't the epidemic or major issue the church seems to be placing on it in recent years.

This study seems to also tie in with what Sister Nelson said in her talk recently to the YSA. The church might finally realize that teaching sexual repression for ages has caused more mental and marital problems than the lust sin they were trying to get people to avoid. The church seems to be placing more emphasis that sex is a spiritual bond between husband and wife rather than something that leads to unnatural and lustful consequences.

There has been way too much controversy over the years about the First Presidency message under President Kimball’s leadership. While the church's stance has greatly changed since then, there are many still alive that teach or have views similar to that message and many of the views are still a part of church culture unfortunately.


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