husband trying to recover from porn addiction

[Fiannan]

Having grown up in a non religious household pornography wasn't an issue, and as such I never saw anything special in it. I mean it was there enough when I was younger, not nearly as much now since I peruse real people.
Since I can't see a situation where I'll ever get married (I don't want to be with single mothers or women who slept around a ton and are ready to "settle down" I'd really just prefer being single and those are the only sorts of people who want any actual relationship with me, so no thanks).
While I don't see it as a mountain of a problem, it was never made to be that for me so it never held any mystique, any taboo, it just exists.

You only need one whose reproductive system is not a public playground. Yes, many women in their 20s play the "carousel" (will not use the full term) until they start noticing that they look like their mothers did when they were in middle school -- after all, these young women, once they reach their early 30s, are the age their mothers were when they were 12. And they are not only single, but now the only sorts of guys who hit on them and buy them drinks are super-young guys with a fantasy for older women, or men who look (and act) like Joe Biden. So yes, they start looking for a safe man, one they would never date in their reproductive prime, so they can make a baby or two. Not sure how committed such women would be to the poor beta male. Of course many Mormon women have a sense of entitlement. They may be 40 pounds overweight but they want Mr. Perfect...and of course become similar to the Mrs. Olsen character from Little House on the Prairie after a few kids.

So yes, there are pitfalls out there in the dating game but there are women who are genuine out there. And I still have faith that most young LDS women are not overweight Disney princesses. Again, you only need to find one and it is a buyer's market in Utah with so many young men avoiding Church due to people harping about issues like porn.

[Sirocco]

Isn't Utah really hot?
My father lives in Texas and he says it's really hot there, I've only ever been during the winter. I know they're not close to eachother but Canada doesn't have such heat. I am used to cold and winter lol.
I have heard the gender gap in the church, going all across the US and Canada. Men don't like getting crapped on and will leave before women do, we're less emotional and I guess less committed to an institution, especially one that doesn't often like them.
Though I generally have little faith in my abilities in terms of keeping a marriage together, I can't imagine a woman being patient and kind about my faults.
But that's just me.

[plainness]

Utah momma, my heart goes out to you.

There is such an economy of responses out there to your heart cry! Most of it is mitigation, perspective, therapeutic strategy.

Too bad our culture is so burdened with institutional piety, religious shame, silly expressions of devotion and often wooden and ineffectual presentations of God and who He is. From pew and pulpit both.

I notice a wary cynicism in many of the responses to your post. Can I offer a fresh voice?

Trying to find the bright and potent spirit of break-through in a given cross section of Mormons is difficult. But a fresh awakening of faith in Christ is far better for you and for your husband than anyone else's "go-through."

Please understand, I'm not talking about getting up earlier to read more ensign articles. Or doing more endowment sessions, or pouring in a further measure of effort in your church calling to gain favor with God for your husband's sake.

Maybe the best thing for you, if your faith feels tired and your heart is wounded, is to discover God in a fresh way.

Do you ever get time to listen to audio? Dan Mohler comes to mind as I read this thread. When you hear someone who is completely set free in Christ, you become fascinated with the permission that individual has to touch God and be touched by Grace.

Get on that journey that your heart is longing for, to manifest courageous love. Learn the power of speaking Life. And don't wait for your church, culture, friends and family to impart this to you.

And meanwhile, listen to people who thrive in this way. People who defeat addictions in others with spiritual power and effectual love.

https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLd ... v03vcOubK9" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[freedomforall]

Read this: Putting on the Armor of God: How to Win Your Battles with Satan

[Fiannan]

When men have sex it builds their faith in God:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1853651 ... ve-in-god/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Notice how many men are leaving the Church lately as opposed to women?

[freedomforall]

When men have sex it builds their faith in God:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1853651 ... ve-in-god/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Notice how many men are leaving the Church lately as opposed to women?

I'll pass.

Listen to this instead:

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2016/05/sund ... sten=audio" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Sirocco]

That was a really nice talk, though he is right about men leaving the church at higher rates, I mean that's true for most religions.
(I would like a literal sheep app).

I don't listen to uplifting things enough, sometimes I get too caught up in negatives, when life is starting to go well, ironic.

[skmo]

Interesting discussion, I have a couple serious questions regarding this issue:
1) If I were to look at pictures of deer and elk or perhaps motorcycles and cars for an hour every day, would that be bad? Would I have the same physiological changes to my brain that one might have with porn? If not, how come? I'm spending the same amount of time looking at pictures on the internet, shouldn't it have the same effect on my brain?

Pictures of naked people as porn is designed to stimulate your desire to have sex with the people you're looking at, or at least to fantasize about it. If you look at pictures of deer and elk and you have a desire to have sex, you have a lot worse problems than just porn addiction.

You highlight on another problem: Looking at porn can take up vast swaths of time. Unless you're REALLY strange, you're not going to look at a picture of an elk for 5 hours a day. The pursuit of porn takes up time that should be spent on better things. If you're spending hours a day looking at wildlife (or motorcycles, or whatever) if it's not something directly related to your job or other legitimate responsibility, isn't that time better spent on something more productive?

2) If I were to take nude pictures of my wife and then view them on the computer each day, would that be acceptable? If I look at my wife in the nude, in person, for an hour each day, would that be acceptable?

That one I can't answer, but I hope the answer is yes. I will say that your question is close to one of the reasons I not only secure my computer login, I also have some folders encrypted.

What is the difference between each of these activities?

Appropriate vs. inappropriate sexual desires. If I look at my wife and think of sexual things it means my marriage is still working. If I look at your wife and think of sexual things it means my repentance is not working (at least not completely.)

[Sirocco]

Well I don't think Birding is a waste of time, it doesn't cut into my job or anything...
Life isn't about being productive all the time, I think that sort of thinking breeds unhappiness and dissatisfaction with everything.
I don't hate my job because it gives me money to enjoy the things I actually care about.
And while one can surely make plenty of cons for pornography, I don't really see any for birding.

[freedomforall]

Well I don't think Birding is a waste of time, it doesn't cut into my job or anything...
Life isn't about being productive all the time, I think that sort of thinking breeds unhappiness and dissatisfaction with everything.
I don't hate my job because it gives me money to enjoy the things I actually care about.
And while one can surely make plenty of cons for pornography, I don't really see any for birding.

Beemobile.jpg (33.36 KiB) Viewed 4378 times

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Jetmen and a plane.

[Fiannan]

Anyone old enough to remember going to stake dances where the song, "The Andrea True Connection - More, More, More" was played?

Did you ever actually analyze the lyrics?

[Sirocco]

I forgot about this subject, I don't live for work, I live for my personal pursuits. In the past I would have probably been married with a slew of children but I don't have a high figure income so women aren't interested in my sort until they get into their 30s and... Yeah I don't want them by then.
If I could, like find someone who wouldn't financially ruin me or emotionally destroy me and someone I could actually trust I'd want the whole shebang, but as it stands I am positive everyone is out for money and it will end loveless and I'll just lose everything.
I fell down he birding route, better spiritually and mentally.

[Fiannan]

In the past I would have probably been married with a slew of children but I don't have a high figure income so women aren't interested in my sort until they get into their 30s and... Yeah I don't want them by then.

I am not so concerned with the man or woman who occasionally uses porn if their spouse is not as into sex as they are. Heck, porn has probably reduced the rate of extra-marital affairs (men messing around on their wives) but perhaps has increased the number of wives having same-sex affairs behind their husband's back.

And porn is not going away - ever. I have a friend who teaches a class on introductory law and civil liberties. He told me last week he wanted a debate on porn: make it illegal or not? In his class of 100 (mostly 18 year-olds) a SJW stated things off with saying it should be restricted due to concerns he had on women's equality. He was savaged by the females in the class. Another guy said porn was immoral, and he too was the center of the women jumping his case in defense of porn. Welcome to 2016 everyone. Women like porn. Women watch porn. And it is affecting their views on sexuality big time. Ask any group of college-age young women at large what their sexuality is. Bi-sexuality and pan-sexuality is the new normal. Where are they getting this? A lot will confide that they enjoy watching porn and that was their first introduction to the idea of women being intimate with women. I would doubt that though since every sit com and prime-time TV program seems to have at least one lesbian sub-plot, and more are exploring male-male romantic plots.

Okay, back my main worry about porn. Many males are substituting porn for seeking long-term relationships. In porn a man can find anything he wants. Young men like older women, older men like younger women, racists like inter-racial plots and...well, it goes on and on. And that is not going to be the end. I saw a documentary a while back that women seeking sperm donors at one clinic can actually meet the donor using virtual reality and have a romantic encounter. So when the child is created the woman can at least tell him or her something about the father that she, in reality, never met. In the future there will be virtual reality in which people will be able to have an affair with someone anywhere in the world as if they really were there (think the series Caprica). And who needs Westworld when they can live any fantasy in the comfort of their home? The really bad part of this is that reproduction in the future will involve single or lesbian women obtaining sperm from clinics that will screen out all but the most desirable of donors. This will be the eugenic future envisioned by people like Huxley. Reproduction will be entirely divorced from sex. Population will drop as most men leave the mating game. The porn culture is the first step and therefore takes on far more drastic implications than "porn is bad" slogans thrown around the internet.

[zionminded]

You may find this interesting:
http://www.mormonmatters.org/2016/10/13 ... rnography/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Listen to both podcasts.

My personal belief is very close to this content in the podcast link above. As a therapist, I feel the best treatment is through a compulsion model, not a addiction one. We don't teach about sexuality at all, and some only address porn separately and you cannot. Porn can be unhealthy, maladaptive, harmful or even criminal, however it is often normative for many people (though at a certain level of spiritual progression it is always limiting). The podcast is great!

[Sirocco]

You may find this interesting:
http://www.mormonmatters.org/2016/10/13 ... rnography/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Listen to both podcasts.

My personal belief is very close to this content in the podcast link above. As a therapist, I feel the best treatment is through a compulsion model, not a addiction one. We don't teach about sexuality at all, and some only address porn separately and you cannot. Porn can be unhealthy, maladaptive, harmful or even criminal, however it is often normative for many people (though at a certain level of spiritual progression it is always limiting). The podcast is great!

I'll give that a watch.
I have said it before, not everyone will have a partner, or a happy marriage, but like anything humans spiral into madness with everything lol

[freedomforall]

Putting On The Whole Armor Of God.

OVERCOMING TEMPTATIONS
1. Place my name within all victory scriptures; there are many victory scriptures not cited here that may be used, also. For example:
D&C 82:10. One's own name here, I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise.
MATTHEW 6:14. ______, For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will forgive your trespasses.
D&C 61:18. ______,...what I say unto one I say unto all, that you shall forewarn your brethren...lest their faith fail and they are caught in snares...,
D&C 82:5, 6. Therefore, ______,what I say unto one I say unto all: Watch, for the adversary spreadeth his dominions, and darkness reigneth; And the anger of God kindleth against the inhabitants of the earth; for all have gone out of the way.
D&C 105:14. _____,...I will fight your battles.
MORONI 7:33. ______, If you will have faith in me you shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me.
Read and ponder...MORONI 10:32,33.
others:
A. _____, The Word of God is quick and powerful.
B. _____, You must rely upon His word; the Lord will help you, therefore, you will not be confounded.
C. _____, The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations.
D. I,_____, can do all things, through Christ, which strengtheneth me.
E. _____, Because thou hast seen thy weakness thou shalt be made strong.
F. _____, I, the Lord, am able to make you Holy.
G. _____, Jesus Christ is able to keep you from falling and present you faultless before God.
H. _____, He has all power to save every man who believeth on His name.
I. _____, Inasmuch as you are humble and faithful and call upon my name, behold, I will give you victory.
J. _____, Inasmuch as you keep my sayings you shall not be confounded in this world, nor in the world to come
K. _____, I will go before you and be your rearward;
L. _____, all victory through your diligence.
2. Don't condemn myself for being tempted. Being tempted is not a sin. Do not let Satan tear away my self-worth for being tempted. Read D&C 46:9. There are two ways to resist temptations. 1. Don,t lie to myself while being tempted. Say, yes, it would feel good but it isn't worth it to me, anymore. 2. Focus my mind on victory through Christ, not on failures in the past. While being tempted, imagine the Savior standing next to me, his arm around my shoulders. Feel his love.
3. Believe that I can change. Don't give up. Center my faith in Christ, not the arm of flesh (mankind). Pray for the removal of the cause of my carnal desires, not for control of symptoms of evil habits.
4. Read Alma 37:33. Make the Savior my partner, and draw upon his power to save me.
5. Keep score. Record each temptation hour by hour on a daily basis as to whether I gave in or resisted them. Report to God each day as to how you did.
6. At the top of a 3X5 card write, "I am a disciple of Christ."
On the bottom write, "I will do nothing to disappoint him." Read D&C 111:11.
How to fellowship: D&C 6:19, 20. Admonish each other in our faults. _______Be patient; be sober; be temperate; have patience, faith, hope and charity.....be faithful and diligent in keeping the commandments of God and I will encircle thee in the arms of my love.


I AM A DISCIPLE OF JESUS CHRIST.
I WILL DO NOTHING TO DISAPPOINT HIM.

[anonymous91]

Here's a great book to help anyone struggling with porn addiction, or for those wanting to help & understand this issue:

Sitting in a Rowboat Throwing Marbles at a Battleship

http://rowboatandmarbles.org/wordpress/ ... evised.pdf

[Mark]

Interesting discussion, I have a couple serious questions regarding this issue:
1) If I were to look at pictures of deer and elk or perhaps motorcycles and cars for an hour every day, would that be bad? Would I have the same physiological changes to my brain that one might have with porn? If not, how come? I'm spending the same amount of time looking at pictures on the internet, shouldn't it have the same effect on my brain?

Pictures of naked people as porn is designed to stimulate your desire to have sex with the people you're looking at, or at least to fantasize about it. If you look at pictures of deer and elk and you have a desire to have sex, you have a lot worse problems than just porn addiction.

You highlight on another problem: Looking at porn can take up vast swaths of time. Unless you're REALLY strange, you're not going to look at a picture of an elk for 5 hours a day. The pursuit of porn takes up time that should be spent on better things. If you're spending hours a day looking at wildlife (or motorcycles, or whatever) if it's not something directly related to your job or other legitimate responsibility, isn't that time better spent on something more productive?

2) If I were to take nude pictures of my wife and then view them on the computer each day, would that be acceptable? If I look at my wife in the nude, in person, for an hour each day, would that be acceptable?

That one I can't answer, but I hope the answer is yes. I will say that your question is close to one of the reasons I not only secure my computer login, I also have some folders encrypted.

What is the difference between each of these activities?

Appropriate vs. inappropriate sexual desires. If I look at my wife and think of sexual things it means my marriage is still working. If I look at your wife and think of sexual things it means my repentance is not working (at least not completely.)

Thanks for the laugh Bro. :))

[skmo]

Anyone old enough to remember going to stake dances where the song, "The Andrea True Connection - More, More, More" was played?

Did you ever actually analyze the lyrics?

I don't recall it being played at any of the stake or regional dances in Colorado, but it came out in 1976, a few years before I was old enough to go to church dances. Also, many of our church dances were emceed by members of the wards, and they knew which songs should really not be played. A song by a porn star who just recorded this so she could escape the country probably wouldn't have been played. They were pretty good at discerning. While there was a lot of AC/DC that went through my Walkman, I don't recall any at dances.

[skmo]

Thanks for the laugh Bro. :))

Glad to help. I'll add that if I look at YOU and think of sexual things it means my repentance is REALLY not working. :-O

[Fiannan]

Anyone old enough to remember going to stake dances where the song, "The Andrea True Connection - More, More, More" was played?

Did you ever actually analyze the lyrics?

I don't recall it being played at any of the stake or regional dances in Colorado, but it came out in 1976, a few years before I was old enough to go to church dances. Also, many of our church dances were emceed by members of the wards, and they knew which songs should really not be played. A song by a porn star who just recorded this so she could escape the country probably wouldn't have been played. They were pretty good at discerning. While there was a lot of AC/DC that went through my Walkman, I don't recall any at dances.

I remember it.

Most people have no idea what songs are about. By the way, do they play, "All About that Bass" at Church dances?

[skmo]

Most people have no idea what songs are about.

I remember a Ricks professor saying one of his friends did their Masters thesis on Don McLean's "American Pie."

By the way, do they play, "All About that Bass" at Church dances?

Someone wrote a song about bass? Which kind? Largemouth? Smallmouth? Chilean Sea? I can't imagine a song about fish being all that good to dance to.

[freedomforall]

Most people have no idea what songs are about.

I remember a Ricks professor saying one of his friends did their Masters thesis on Don McLean's "American Pie."

By the way, do they play, "All About that Bass" at Church dances?

Someone wrote a song about bass? Which kind? Largemouth? Smallmouth? Chilean Sea? I can't imagine a song about fish being all that good to dance to.

Not about fish at all, unless one is talking about being hooked by such a crumby song.

Now here is a good song about a type of bass, also not about fish:

[freedomforall]

In response to the OP, there is a huge difference in trying to overcome and actually doing it. Recovery is not achieved by one's own will; it is achieved through the merits of Jesus Christ and the cleansing power of the Holy Ghost. We must believe Christ, that he can actually clean us up and make us sin free.

I posted a book called Putting On The Whole Armor Of God, but I guess it went ignored. The author describes how he went through hell, including almost committing suicide, in TRYING to overcome porn and everything associated with it. He discovered that he could not overcome by his own will, but that he needed to put his life in the hands of Jesus Christ and move on from there. The method detailed and revealed in the book really works. Find out how:

SEE: https://www.amazon.com/Putting-Armor-Go ... mor+of+god" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Hivetyrant36]

As a porn addict, I can tell you it isn't a constant urge. After abstaining for a day or two, the temptations start coming back. Basically, evil spirits enter the room and yell at you for 10 minutes until they don't think you will budge. Then they come back every 30 minutes for the next week. At most, I have had 9 days of peace from temptation, but after the first one hits, it persists and doesn't stop. It isn't as simple as "wanting to give it up" because if that were the case, it would be gone. It doesn't have to be every day to be an addiction. YES porn is an addiction, and that is the ONLY reason people come back to it. jbalm is set in his ways and isn't trying to become more Christlike.
Most of all, women, if you have a husband suffering from this addiction, don't push him away. The closer you are to him the better. I don't know because I've never had the privilege of a girl choosing me, but I would imagine the more I saw of the girl I loved, the less I would want to view porn. Same thing happens when I am at a good friend's house. Temptations leave. They only come when I am alone. Use my failure to help yourselves out and your spouses. Some people don't want to change though. Make sure the man you married isn't a POS narcissist like my father.