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Original_Intent
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Original_Intent »

I had a situation like that decades ago. Thought I had found the perfect girl. Were were talking marriage and decided to take a week and pray about it and then discuss what we felt.

I was pretty clearly told no. When I talked to April she said she felt the same. I expected to be devastated as I had felt like she was so right for me, and I often would go into months of depression after a breakup - and I expected this would be much worse.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I lay down on my bed expecting to have a good cry. Instead I was engulfed with the most overpowering feeling of love, that was one of the most powerful spiritual experiences of my life. I was clearly told that the Lord would bless me for heeding the prompting and that He has someone who would be a perfect match for me.

That perfect match and I celebrate 25 years of marriage this coming Monday. In hindsight I see clearly how NOT right April and I were for each other. We were both decent people, but I am quite certain we would have been very bad for each other. That isn't sour grapes - tbh I don;t think she had the patience to put up with me,

I will also add, when i asked my wife, I had no plans to ask her at the time. I expected it might happen down the road, but I expected it would be months away. I found out later so did she. But we were in the celestial room of the Provo temple, and I was told that she was the one and to ask her right then. I went down on one knee, no ring or anything of course, and proposed. She was floored, and asked for a week to think about it - we returned to the temple a week later and she accepted.

I know that is pretty unique. I do think we are put thru challenging trials before we get that kind of guidance, usually,

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gclayjr
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by gclayjr »

I have been married for over 40 years. Many of them pretty bumpy. One thing I have learned is that Love is something you decide to do, not simply something you feel... and you can decide to love just about anybody.

Regards,

George Clay

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Jonesy
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Jonesy »

Love seems to find you when you're not looking. Just keep seeking God. :)
Last edited by Jonesy on June 20th, 2017, 8:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Sirocco
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Sirocco »

gclayjr wrote: June 20th, 2017, 6:44 pm I have been married for over 40 years. Many of them pretty bumpy. One thing I have learned is that Love is something you decide to do, not simply something you feel... and you can decide to love just about anybody.

Regards,

George Clay
I considered doing that but at the end of the day I couldn't do that to her (or myself) I mean beyond the fact she had a child and... that was a no go.
Then I met the girl I really liked and, well it went nowhere and I deleted her from all social media/phone and burned the very few things that reminded me of her lol.

So I feel better.

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David13
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by David13 »

Jonesy1982 wrote: June 20th, 2017, 7:03 pm Love seems to find you when you're not looking. Just keep seeking God. :)

Yes and no. I have thought that for a long time. But many people have told me I have to be open, receptive, in other words, I have to look for it.

I started out believing it would find me. Then the (later) wife started chasing me. (She's gone now). Then when she quit chasing me, it left a space, a hole, something missing. It was really just lust.

I think the bottom line is as GClay puts it. You can make it work with anyone. Even the best of them (the opposite sex) are not perfect. They may seem perfect on the honeymoon, but that's over rather quickly.

Then reality sets in. And both parties must deal with it, accept it, and make it work. If they want to.
dc

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Alaris
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Alaris »

I thought my first wife was the one and was pretty sure I had my answer from God.

The spirit that burned my soul ablaze for months as a witness to marry my second wife stands in sharp contrast to the former experience. I was young and naive but I couldn't have possibly known how lackluster my first answer was until I received the second over a decade later. I'm not saying all can receive the same experience but I do know it's possible. :ymhug:

Hang in there. Pray for help and for specifics.

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Rose Garden
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Rose Garden »

I remember falling in love with my first husband. My feet were on the ground but my spirit was soaring a few feet above the earth, just like on the movies. When I prayed if I should marry him, I got a very strong positive answer. We had an 11 year knock-down, drag-out fight and are now divorced.

During our marriage I learned a lot about love. He was filled with love but he was really tough to get along with. I could see the love in him at the same time I struggled with his treatment of me. I could see how deeply he loved others even when they caused him unhappiness. It all gave me a lot to think about. Somewhere along the line, I prayed with all my heart that I would be able to always turn the other cheek and treat him with kindness no matter how he treated me. I just wanted to fulfill the Lord's commandments.

We've been divorced about 4 years now. Just a couple of weeks ago, I realized my prayers had been answered. I am finally able to treat him with kindness no matter how he treats me. I didn't understand at the time I was praying for it. I not only had to be humbled, I also needed a buffer placed between him and I so he couldn't hurt me so badly anymore. I needed time to heal.

It's easy on this side of it to say it was all worth it. It really was but I never would have believed that during all those long years of suffering. Now that I am here and I am so filled with peace and joy, knowing that the Lord answered my prayers in the perfect way, it was totally worth it. I know I was meant to marry him.

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WhereCanITurn4Peace
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by WhereCanITurn4Peace »

Not sure I really believe in a "soulmate" kind of thing...that seems to be the stuff of fairy tales and foolish youth. I believe that it is possible that there can be several people that are right for marriage (not in the polygamy sense, haha) and being in tune with the Spirit is incredibly vital to be guided in not only this, but all aspects of life.

My husband and I have been married for 8 years (I know that's not all that long!), we are very happy and feel so blessed to have found one another. It may sound trite, but sometimes the best things come to those who wait... especially when waiting upon the Lord and His timing.

My best advice, besides focusing on things of a spiritual nature (church, prayer, scripture study, etc), would be to develop within yourself those traits you want in a spouse. It's easy to get caught up in what others have to give to you, however you will be a much better helpmeet when you build up your own qualities.

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gclayjr
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by gclayjr »

Sirocco,
gclayjr wrote: ↑
Tue Jun 20, 2017 8:44 pm
I have been married for over 40 years. Many of them pretty bumpy. One thing I have learned is that Love is something you decide to do, not simply something you feel... and you can decide to love just about anybody.

Regards,

George Clay
I considered doing that but at the end of the day I couldn't do that to her (or myself) I mean beyond the fact she had a child and... that was a no go.
Then I met the girl I really liked and, well it went nowhere and I deleted her from all social media/phone and burned the very few things that reminded me of her lol.

So I feel better.
You know your situation. I don't. I hope you prayed and sought guidance from the holy spirit.

WhereCanITurnForPeace said
Not sure I really believe in a "soulmate" kind of thing...that seems to be the stuff of fairy tales and foolish youth. I believe that it is possible that there can be several people that are right for marriage (not in the polygamy sense, haha) and being in tune with the Spirit is incredibly vital to be guided in not only this, but all aspects of life
And that is kind of my point. I don't know if my wife was destined to be my "soul mate" or not. I know there were many times that neither one of us "felt the love". I know that my decision to CHOOSE to love her no matter how I FELT, did keep a family together.

I also know that there are many societies, including in biblical history, such as with Isaac, Jacob and others where they did not choose their wives, but women were selected for them. I believe that if 2 people have reasonably similar goals, and commit themselves to the vows made at marriage, it will work out, no matter who your spouse is.

Regards,

George Clay

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Sirocco
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Sirocco »

I don't pray often, (nothing compels me to-unless I am in church, comes natural there) but I did for that.

If I could I would have married her, and I've never wanted to marry anyone else before, to not only that but to go against my mantra and fear of having children to have them.
I think that's why I was so broken up about it, previous people I liked sure, wanted to sleep with definitely, give weird cards and be cheesy but there was always a barrier I never wanted to cross.
I always had doubts of them liking me, which was true, but with her I was actually sure it would end up working out, that one day we would end up together and have our cooky little family.
But it didn't happen.

In life one can make all the right moves and still lose.

And I lost.
Oh the spirit might guide you to a person, but that person might not like you back.
Last edited by Sirocco on June 21st, 2017, 1:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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WhereCanITurn4Peace
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by WhereCanITurn4Peace »

gclayjr wrote:And that is kind of my point. I don't know if my wife was destined to be my "soul mate" or not. I know there were many times that neither one of us "felt the love". I know that my decision to CHOOSE to love her no matter how I FELT, did keep a family together.
Right, I was basically in agreement...just wanted to put my own spin on it *wink*

Love is for sure more than feeling (now that Boston song is playing in my head) it is a choice, an action, and quite possibly a covenant in a sense.

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passionflower
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by passionflower »

My marraige sure wasn't my idea, I can tell you that. I didn't even like my husband and never was "in love" with him. I simply obeyed HF and married him. My husband and I were most definately supposed to be married to each other, and only to each other, and to no one else, ever.

Maybe, if I think anyone would llke to hear it, I can tell this story on my Story Hour one day. But I don't really believe it is a story people would actually like to hear. God moves in mysterious ways, and my story is most mysterious. God's ways are higher than our ways, and you have to be on a higher level(than this world ) in order to even believe things could have really happened the way they did to me. But they did.

God will not be outdone in His generosity to those who obey Him. The blessings I have received for my obedience has far exceeded those I might have had if I had married for love or even someone I would have believed was more suited to me.

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Rose Garden
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Rose Garden »

passionflower wrote: June 21st, 2017, 9:56 am My marraige sure wasn't my idea, I can tell you that. I didn't even like my husband and never was "in love" with him. I simply obeyed HF and married him. My husband and I were most definately supposed to be married to each other, and only to each other, and to no one else, ever.

Maybe, if I think anyone would llke to hear it, I can tell this story on my Story Hour one day. But I don't really believe it is a story people would actually like to hear. God moves in mysterious ways, and my story is most mysterious. God's ways are higher than our ways, and you have to be on a higher level(than this world ) in order to even believe things could have really happened the way they did to me. But they did.

God will not be outdone in His generosity to those who obey Him. The blessings I have received for my obedience has far exceeded those I might have had if I had married for love or even someone I would have believed was more suited to me.
I would like to hear it.

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David13
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by David13 »

Passionflower
I also would like to hear the story.
dc

BackBlast
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by BackBlast »

CelestialAngel wrote: June 20th, 2017, 5:52 pm Never married here, never even been in love. How do you know the person you want for your eternal companion is the right one in the Lord's eyes. A person I thought would be my perfect companion got sealed to her husband in January. Shows what I know about love and eternal companionship.
Be aware that personal paths are personal. Yours make look similar to one you hear or be completely unique. Do not attribute too much to one path alone.

I had someone I was intended for. The Lord told me in advance that I was about to meet my wife approximately two weeks before I did. In those two weeks I had two prospects, one told me no right away and that was that. The other progressed. 13 years later we are married with 7 children. I worked very very hard to find a worthy young woman and was preoccupied with it until I found her. I'm not sure why I was blessed with the knowledge of when before I even met her, but I was.

I did ask about her specifically after we had dated for a bit. Which also received a confirmation.

There were plenty of bumps on the road and it nearly didn't happen twice during our courtship.

As to the actual wording of your question. How? The Spirit speaks to your mind and to your heart. You have to learn to recognize that by practice and experience. Sometimes I get it wrong. There are circumstances and times when it is so crystal clear I'm not sure how I could possibly mistake it.

The fore-knowledge was one of those crystal clear moments.

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oneClimbs
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by oneClimbs »

CelestialAngel wrote: June 20th, 2017, 5:52 pm Never married here, never even been in love. How do you know the person you want for your eternal companion is the right one in the Lord's eyes. A person I thought would be my perfect companion got sealed to her husband in January. Shows what I know about love and eternal companionship.
It shows that you, like each of us, has a preference or an ideal of who we envision as a 'perfect' spouse. That picture can guide us, but it doesn't have to and may not mesh with a wonderful companion that may cross our path but not match our picture. I've been in a couple situations where I thought a girl was just right for me but it didn't work out in each case. It's all good though, they didn't feel the same as I did and I wouldn't want to be married to someone who didn't feel for me the way I felt about them.

It has been said before here in the thread, but I think it is worth repeating that love is a choice that you make. I think that is putting it lightly. A commenter on my blog wrote these words: "Love can only be measured when it is balanced in a scale against sacrifice." This revealed something significant to me - that love and sacrifice are the same thing. Where there is no sacrifice, there is no love.

When two people are first dating they sacrifice for one another, their time, their money, their attention. Time goes by and these things may stop, sacrifice stops. They turn inward and selfishness replaces sacrifice. This isn't irreversible, sacrifice just needs to begin again and when it returns, so does love. While this may seem an oversimplification, I believe the principles are correct even though certain other factors may affect results.

Attraction is not love. It may bring people together, but sacrifice keeps them together. Attraction is temporary and love is eternal. This is why God is love, he is always willing to sacrifice for his family. His love is undying because his willingness is undying.

We tend to think of gospel principles as things we do as individuals. Certainly we need others in our lives to love and serve, and to serve us as well. But marriage requires us to unite with another and live these principles with another. It is not good for man (or woman) to be alone. Marriage is a pursuit, a challenge, and requires all we have. Some of us seem to fail to achieve it in a manner that we would deem successful. How often is that true of other things in life? Failure to build Zion, have our calling and election made sure, etc. I think that in some way, each of us fails in life to achieve this or that. Isn't the sacrifice of Christ, this entire plan that is centered on an incredible atonement and acknowledgement of how deeply man needs divine help?

I think that the reaching for God is where we find the blessings. Perhaps we may not realize their fulness in the flesh, but I think that our reaching and our desires oriented toward those lofty ends will bring us the greatest blessings. Easier said that done, but for some things in life, great faith is required, even faith in what seems impossible. The scripture says that men are that they might have joy.

Is joy the balance of what we have vs. what we lack? Must joy in the present be constrained by what we have not yet attained? If not, then how is joy in this life even possible? If joy is possible and we have experienced it, what principles made it so? What then is joy?

e-eye2.0
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by e-eye2.0 »

When I was dating a girl seriously after my mission I prayed about it and was told that I could marry her but if I didn't want to another one would be available. I really didn't want to marry her so I moved on. Once I met my wife I really wasn't at the point I wanted to get married but over time that changed and I did want to marry her. The answer wasn't so simple and I went back and forth on thinking maybe my answer was a stupor of thought and it took fasting and much prayer to get a definitive answer and I got a yes - My wife knew about 3 months before I did that we would marry but my heart was a little less receptive to the spirit.

Michelle
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Michelle »

To post or not to post ? Sigh.

First husband: I met at BYU. He was a popular guy with lots of girls chasing him. We were very good friends for 2 years. He had his problems, but who was I to judge? I had been taught about judging others my whole life, something about "judge not" and "stop it!" When I prayed (multiple times) the answer I received was something like: "if you want. You'll survive it,". So we got married, sealed in temple. Divorced after 3 years: he decided he was gay and wanted to pursue that life. I should have read the JST of Matthew 7 and judged more righteously.

My eternal companion: just a guy in my ward, he didn't stand out to me at all as someone to date. He asked me out after about a year. I said yes to be polite. Dated a few guys, realized none even compared. Hoped I hadn't blown it. Dated him exclusively. He proposed, but I was kind of scared. I told him I would pray and let him know.

It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I felt like the Lord placed his hands on my shoulder as I prayed and said" This would please me."

15 years and 7 kids later, lots of wonderful, lots of soul bending hard, but I have always remembered that moment and it sustains me.

It pleases me too, to be married to him.

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True
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by True »

Passionflower,
I'm in complete suspense. I would love to hear your story.

onefour1
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by onefour1 »

When I was young and that happened to me, I would tell myself that God has someone who is even a better match than that for me. It was true and I am quite thankful how it all worked out in the end. I think you can love many people. It is not a bad thing. Try never to lose your ability to love others even if it doesn't work out the way you would like. God loves you and will bless you with the right companion if you stay faithful, either in this world or the world to come.

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Sirocco
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Sirocco »

onefour1 wrote: June 21st, 2017, 9:14 pm When I was young and that happened to me, I would tell myself that God has someone who is even a better match than that for me. It was true and I am quite thankful how it all worked out in the end. I think you can love many people. It is not a bad thing. Try never to lose your ability to love others even if it doesn't work out the way you would like. God loves you and will bless you with the right companion if you stay faithful, either in this world or the world to come.
I don't believe in an afterlife, which is kind of baffling I admit, for me religion and scriptures brings comfort and, I think, helps guide my life in a better direction. After I die, I don't think about that, I live for the here and now and try to be a good one here, incase there is no beyond.
Hedonism, which usually stems from an outlook like that, is enslavement and shallow.
I don't personally feel, regardless of faith, that God will simply bless me with something like that, or he did and I screwed it up by not knowing what I was doing, God never promised to guarantee anything lol

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Yahtzee
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Yahtzee »

Well, I really loved a guy in high school and college and we got engaged, but one day the spirit told me to break it off and run. I just got this nauseating, panicky feeling about our wedding. So we had a long talk. Turned out he didn't really have a testimony and was just staying in church for me. So the spirit told me who NOT to love, ha ha!
When I met my now husband it took me a while to fall in love with him. When I finally prayed about him it was more of a "do you want to be with him?" Yes. "Then it's fine." I felt more like the Lord wanted me to exercise my agency. So I studied it out in my mind and decided he would make a good companion. Plus he made me laugh. While waiting to be sealed I got the biggest confirmation from the spirit that the Lord was very pleased with us that day. He knows my stubborn nature though. If I had been told to marry him I would have blamed God if something went wrong. Nope, had to be all on me.
16 years and 4 kids later and we're still best friends. I would say my marriage, though loving, is more about commitment. It helped us through some very rough patches.

Matchmaker
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Matchmaker »

Sometimes I think the Holy Spirit will give a person a "thumbs up" on someone they are dating based on the potential of success of the relationship and not as a guarantee of success. I will give you an example.

When I was younger, I dated a nice friendly divorced man who was LDS that I met at a Church activity. We seemed really compatible on our dates and had a lot of fun together. We went to Church together and to the temple visitors center to watch one of the new presentations. While on our date at Temple Square, I had a really good, comfortable feeling about him. I knew the Lord was pleased with us at that time and the progress we were making. My friend had a relatively recent history of addiction issues that had prevented him from holding a temple recommend from time to time but had never been serious enough to put his membership in jeopardy. My temple recommend was current and in good standing. He assured me his difficulties were all behind him, and I chose to trust him and take him at his word. I knew there was a chance he could "fall off the wagon" in the future, but I felt hopeful that if he did, he would quickly get right back on, as some of these issues had been instrumental in damaging his first marriage.

We declared our love for each other and started to talk seriously about marriage in the immediate future. We talked to both Bishops. His Bishop prayed about the situation and told me that he thought his marrying me was a good thing. My Bishop was less enthusiastic about the union because of the man's past and the fact that he did not have a current recommend, but he was accepting of a civil marriage now, if we wanted to be together. We decided we would get married.

It was at that time, before I even received my engagement ring, that the first uncomfortable feeling started to creep in. I attributed it to pre-wedding jitters. MISTAKE! I accepted the engagement ring, set the wedding date for about 2 weeks later, and continued to feel very uncomfortable about what was happening. However, I did not know why I felt uncomfortable. He seemed like such a nice guy who was in love with me. What was the matter with me? Now that I look back at it, I wasn't happy about what was happening, but felt obligated to go through with it because I had made a commitment to him and didn't want to hurt my fiance's feelings over something silly like a bout of buyer's remorse. Besides, I had given notice at my apartment and we had already started to move some of my stuff into his place.

We married, and within a short time I realized the reason for my bad feelings. He had lied to me. His sobriety had been short lived. He had actually been using during our engagement. What a fool I had been to disregard the sick feeling I had in my stomach in order to preserve his feelings. I should have trusted myself and dumped the guy right there, even though I had no proof of any wrongdoing. Just because I received a good feeling from the Spirit when we went to the Temple Visitor's Center on our date, I assumed that was a confirmation that we were supposed to be together forever. In my case, I don't think it was. I stayed with him for years after that, and he continued to lie and practice his addiction. The uncomfortable feeling progressed to anger at him and at me and then to a deep depression which nearly destroyed me. I still haven't gotten over it yet.

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Rose Garden
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Rose Garden »

Yahtzee wrote: June 21st, 2017, 10:46 pm Well, I really loved a guy in high school and college and we got engaged, but one day the spirit told me to break it off and run. I just got this nauseating, panicky feeling about our wedding. So we had a long talk. Turned out he didn't really have a testimony and was just staying in church for me. So the spirit told me who NOT to love, ha ha!
When I met my now husband it took me a while to fall in love with him. When I finally prayed about him it was more of a "do you want to be with him?" Yes. "Then it's fine." I felt more like the Lord wanted me to exercise my agency. So I studied it out in my mind and decided he would make a good companion. Plus he made me laugh. While waiting to be sealed I got the biggest confirmation from the spirit that the Lord was very pleased with us that day. He knows my stubborn nature though. If I had been told to marry him I would have blamed God if something went wrong. Nope, had to be all on me.
16 years and 4 kids later and we're still best friends. I would say my marriage, though loving, is more about commitment. It helped us through some very rough patches.
So beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

Gage
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Re: How does the Holy Ghost tell you the one you love is real?

Post by Gage »

Most Mormon women dont try to listen to the spirit or pray about a guy, etc. They simply look for the rich Alpha male that will take care of them, doesnt matter what religion they are. This is why you read comments from women that say, I married him and he treated me awful, etc. Mormon women do not have the gift of discernment like some Bishops tell young Mormon boys where they will know if they are marrying a "good" Mormon man or not. Like I said, Mormon women are simply looking for that hot, rich Alpha man to take care of her and give her children. Mormon girls are no different than any other girl, they go after looks and money and that is who they chase.

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