I have to be honest and say I do not like to be in a position of using a tough love approach. I find that a little bit goes a long way. With each of our children as my wife and I grew more comfortable in our authority as parents we realized that we are the source of authority in our home. Our role as a Mother or a Father made us that and when you believe that deep inside there is little need to intimidate or bully into conforming behavior. Whether your children choose to be obedient or not it does not alter who you are.Jonesy1982 wrote: ↑June 22nd, 2017, 4:25 pmOh, I think Jesus definitely used tough love. They produce the same results as the gentle love, which I try to use the most. I hate doing tough love with my kids, and it's not often; but sometimes it's an appropriate means.
That said with my last three children I developed a process which may have just been me over thinking things but while they were still 6 or 7 years old, I would observe and wait for a moment to put on a mask of behavior in response to something that was appropriately dealt with with sharpness. I am not a loud person, I never raise my voice, I am much better at discussing behavior changes rather than forcing them. However on this occasion and I always knew exactly when it showed up, I would manifest anger at their behavior, I would be especially sharp and because of the stark contrast between my nearly exclusively peaceable nature and this moment it would instill upon them a certain level of concern about ever getting Dad mad at you. Afterwards, a few hours later, because I needed them to let the moment sink in would come the welcoming back into the sense of unwavering love and acceptance.
As they matured into adult mentalities after they turned 8, that one event would serve to always remind my children in their minds that they should be considerate of my role as father and that they did not want to do wrong. Because I did this in their childhood phase of life it imprinted differently than it does on an adult mentality. Sometimes by the time we can logically think ourselves out of a pre-adult impression we are adult enough to maturely perceive correctly what was the reality. Until then it served as deterrent. I practically never had to deal with unruly teens or disobedient youth. I only have one left under 18 at 16 and he is a near perfect human being. A pure joy to be around.