Spirituality Declining After Marriage? Advice + Counsel Please.

[ZiffZelph]

Anyone else experienced a decline in spirituality after marriage? I would be interested to know of your experiences, your remedies, and advice.

I've polled a few active friends and they each have had varying experiences.

I have been an active faithful church goer my entire life, fairly diligent in my prayer, praise, and study of God and his teachings. After marriage, I've had less drive towards diligence when I expected the opposite effect.

Thanks!

116 Neither is man capable to make them known, for they are only to be seen and understood by the power of the Holy Spirit, which God bestows on those who love him, and purify themselves before him;

117 To whom he grants this privilege of seeing and knowing for themselves;

118 That through the power and manifestation of the Spirit, while in the flesh, they may be able to bear his presence in the world of glory.

119 And to God and the Lamb be glory, and honor, and dominion forever and ever. Amen.

[oneClimbs]

I haven't noticed a decline but I've been married for going on 14 years now and I've had some dry spells of spirituality. I've learned much about why this is in my case. In some instances I've just struggle with work and have been super busy and focused on providing or I've failed to commune regularly with the Lord. There is also a pattern in scripture where the Lord leaves for a while and allows you to live what you know until he sees fit to return and see how you have grown (Think parable of talents and allegory of the olive tree).

There's another factor to think of. Your spirituality is not a static thing because your life is not static. You start off as a child and have to learn how to live the gospel as a child. As soon as you feel confident, you become a teenager and a whole bunch of new things come into view and you have to learn how to live the gospel as a teenager. Then as a single adult without your prior support system. Then as a young married person, then as a married person with a child, then children, then grandchildren, and all the new things and challenges that come with age.

Life is constantly in flux. Once you move into a new stage like marriage, some of the dynamics change. You are no longer what you once were, you are now one with your spouse, your spiritual journey is a joint effort, there are different rules at play. Spirituality is not just about you personally, you can meditate all alone in the woods every day and pursue your own path and it will never be the same as when you were single. You must pursue God with your spouse, they must be part of it. I can imagine that not everyone's situation is ideal, but that isn't necessary. We need only turn our minds and wills to God and his grace will carry us.

[MMbelieve]

When some marry, they turn to their spouse for strength. Is your spouse doing well spiritually? Has he/she noticed your decline in spirituality? Do you love your spouse? Do you love yourself?

Marriage is funny in that it can bring out the good and the ugly in us all. We need to be as whole a person as possible before marriage as to not put self expectations on our spouse. Hope that makes sense.

I married someone strong in the gospel because I tend to be more relaxed. I expected my spouse to stay THAT spiritual so when that didn't happen (we all have ups and downs) I got even more relaxed. And what did that result in? I wasn't there to make up for the lack on spouses part and the whole family then got too relaxed and family prayer happened less frequent etc.

My point is that we can depend on our partners too much in marriage and fail to uphold and be true to ourselves. We get comfortable and when looking for a spouse we tent to look for someone who has a skill set we may not have which can back fire and leave us needing to gain that skill set anyways.

I don't know why your having this but it's a good sigh that you noticed and are acting to fix it. Don't worry, we all have ups and downs and marriage changes our lives. You could just be adjusting or putting more in other areas. Just keep trying and talk to your spouse about it. Maybe they feel the same way and it will be a way to connect and support each other.

Non judgement here, just giving you a few things to consider. I wish you well.

Oh...one other thought, could be a natural age type thing. Not a midlife crisis type but an adjustment. If it's a little season, I would worry too much - we all go through them.

[ZiffZelph]

I haven't noticed a decline but I've been married for going on 14 years now and I've had some dry spells of spirituality. I've learned much about why this is in my case. In some instances I've just struggle with work and have been super busy and focused on providing or I've failed to commune regularly with the Lord. There is also a pattern in scripture where the Lord leaves for a while and allows you to live what you know until he sees fit to return and see how you have grown (Think parable of talents and allegory of the olive tree).

There's another factor to think of. Your spirituality is not a static thing because your life is not static. You start off as a child and have to learn how to live the gospel as a child. As soon as you feel confident, you become a teenager and a whole bunch of new things come into view and you have to learn how to live the gospel as a teenager. Then as a single adult without your prior support system. Then as a young married person, then as a married person with a child, then children, then grandchildren, and all the new things and challenges that come with age.

Life is constantly in flux. Once you move into a new stage like marriage, some of the dynamics change. You are no longer what you once were, you are now one with your spouse, your spiritual journey is a joint effort, there are different rules at play. Spirituality is not just about you personally, you can meditate all alone in the woods every day and pursue your own path and it will never be the same as when you were single. You must pursue God with your spouse, they must be part of it. I can imagine that not everyone's situation is ideal, but that isn't necessary. We need only turn our minds and wills to God and his grace will carry us.

5Stev3 Thank you for sharing your perspective and experiences, very helpful! Brand new to the forum and very uplifting to get such a solid response off the bat... Especially enjoyed the bit of advice, "Spirituality is not just about you personally, you can meditate all alone in the woods every day and pursue your own path and it will never be the same as when you were single. You must pursue God with your spouse, they must be part of it." It seems simple but after struggling along for a few years now, it's the clear concise message I needed to hear. Sometimes the fog gets thick trying to solve all the puzzles and put out all the fires. Take care.

[oneClimbs]

5Stev3 Thank you for sharing your perspective and experiences, very helpful! Brand new to the forum and very uplifting to get such a solid response off the bat... Especially enjoyed the bit of advice, "Spirituality is not just about you personally, you can meditate all alone in the woods every day and pursue your own path and it will never be the same as when you were single. You must pursue God with your spouse, they must be part of it." It seems simple but after struggling along for a few years now, it's the clear concise message I needed to hear. Sometimes the fog gets thick trying to solve all the puzzles and put out all the fires. Take care.

Glad to have been able to help in some way. I've been down the road of trying to unlock all the problems of the world at once from political conspiracies to deep dives into doctrines and speculations. No doubt it is a lot of "fun" especially thinking that you are finally seeing something larger, that the universe is finally opening up. I think it can be a good thing, but only if, especially if it awakens to a sense to a sobriety of how serious life is. If it doesn't send you to your knees in humility and cause you to regard how foolish and small you truly are you will never empty your vessel enough for God to fill it with light and wisdom. Don't get too full of yourself, empty yourself instead and fill it with your spouse. Serve her in humility and, in turn, allow her to serve you when necessary.

This is a little personal, but here is a photo of a print I have hanging in our bedroom where my home office is. It is a reminder to me of some things I wrote about in a post a few years back in an open letter to all men, myself included: http://oneclimbs.com/2015/01/09/the-ris ... er-to-men/

Seeing Christ there kneeling with his sleeves rolled up washing feet is a powerful image of what true power is. I love how the artist depicted the faces and body language of the apostles. Some look on lovingly, Peter looks deep in contemplation and stubbornness, another apostle unlaces his sandle to go next, and yet another grasps his head struggling to understand the scene. If we seek to follow Christ, this is where to start, with those right beside you who are beloved. Sometimes you are Christ, and sometimes you are Peter and you need to humble yourself and allow your own feet to be washed. Wisdom is knowing which end you are on and how to respond.

God bless, brother.

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[marc]

Anyone else experienced a decline in spirituality after marriage? I would be interested to know of your experiences, your remedies, and advice.

I've polled a few active friends and they each have had varying experiences.

I have been an active faithful church goer my entire life, fairly diligent in my prayer, praise, and study of God and his teachings. After marriage, I've had less drive towards diligence when I expected the opposite effect...

Do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ? Do you talk to Him? How often? Does He talk back? If not, what does it say about your relationship with Him?

Kind regards.