Adoption-is it really a better option?

[butterfly]

This study shows that adopted adolescents are 4xs as likely to attempt suicide than non adopted kids.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3784288/

[butterfly]

This blog discusses why adopted kids tend to be overachievers and successful on the outside, but on the inside they are dangerously depressed.

The comments section at the bottom, following the article, were really surprising. Post after post are from adult adoptees explaining how they had to appear "grateful" that someone loved them enough to take them in. They couldn't express while growing up how they just wanted to die; they couldn't figure out their identity, they were terrified of showing the adoptive parents their real feelings for fear of being abandoned again.

Many of the comments are from older adults who say they still welcome death. They've tried their whole lives to feel loved and yet, because they were abandoned by their mothers, feeling love for themselves or from others has eluded them their entire lives.

http://www.adopteerestoration.com/2013/ ... o-die.html

[braingrunt]

Well, if research is no longer on my side, I have more to learn and less to say.

That doesn't imply I'm entirely convinced, just that I don't know. Is it possible that divorce has turned the data on it's head, or have they already controlled that out?

[Rose Garden]

Well, if research is no longer on my side, I have more to learn and less to say.

That doesn't imply I'm entirely convinced, just that I don't know. Is it possible that divorce has turned the data on it's head, or have they already controlled that out?

I believe that the article I quoted above said that they controlled that out. I don't really understand how "controlling out" works, so I might be wrong. I think it would be informative to you to read it. It was certainly the most informative and objective article I found on the subject.

[brianj]

So what are we to conclude?
Adopted children are at high risk of depression and suicide.
Children raised by single mothers are at high risk of poverty and self-destructive behaviors.
Therefore children should not be given up for adoption, they should not be raised by single mothers, and they should not be raised in two parent households where one or both adults don't plan to be dedicated parents. So what's left for a pregnant single woman? Abortion?

The most productive course of research would be to determine which option is less damaging: adopting children into families with two devoted parents or leaving them with a single parent. A discussion that focuses on how bad either option may be for a child will provide support for the beliefs of those who support the murder of unborn children.

[butterfly]

I have long believed the Church's stated position on this issue is wrong.

What exactly do you disagree with and why?

[Rose Garden]

So what are we to conclude?
Adopted children are at high risk of depression and suicide.
Children raised by single mothers are at high risk of poverty and self-destructive behaviors.
Therefore children should not be given up for adoption, they should not be raised by single mothers, and they should not be raised in two parent households where one or both adults don't plan to be dedicated parents. So what's left for a pregnant single woman? Abortion?

The most productive course of research would be to determine which option is less damaging: adopting children into families with two devoted parents or leaving them with a single parent. A discussion that focuses on how bad either option may be for a child will provide support for the beliefs of those who support the murder of unborn children.

Children in single parent families fare better than children who have been adopted, despite adopted children being given more advantages than children born into typical two patent families. The best option would be to support single parents so that they can spend adequate amount of time with their children and have better opportunities to find good spouses.

[butterfly]

So what are we to conclude?
Adopted children are at high risk of depression and suicide.
Children raised by single mothers are at high risk of poverty and self-destructive behaviors.
Therefore children should not be given up for adoption, they should not be raised by single mothers, and they should not be raised in two parent households where one or both adults don't plan to be dedicated parents. So what's left for a pregnant single woman? Abortion?

The most productive course of research would be to determine which option is less damaging: adopting children into families with two devoted parents or leaving them with a single parent. A discussion that focuses on how bad either option may be for a child will provide support for the beliefs of those who support the murder of unborn children.

Children in single parent families fare better than children who have been adopted, despite adopted children being given more advantages than children born into typical two patent families. The best option would be to support single parents so that they can spend adequate amount of time with their children and have better opportunities to find good spouses.

Yes, this is my conclusion as well. It's not what I originally thought, but after what I've researched, the best thing for child and mother is to stay together.
Single-parent homes are difficult, but a lot of the problems are temporary. The parent can eventually marry, the child can grow up, work hard and hopefully rise up out of poverty, parent and child can ultimately have more time together as the child gets older and can help their parent out more.

Adopted kids don't seem to recover. That worst-of-all rejections, starting at birth, affects the rest of their lives. They can't just grow up and regrow the cells in their brains that multiplied under the trauma of "I am abandoned, I am not safe, I am unlovable; I must remain in survival mode and adapt to being what a stranger sees as valuable. Who I really am is no good."

Support for single parents seems like a step in the right direction.

[Rose Garden]

So what are we to conclude?
Adopted children are at high risk of depression and suicide.
Children raised by single mothers are at high risk of poverty and self-destructive behaviors.
Therefore children should not be given up for adoption, they should not be raised by single mothers, and they should not be raised in two parent households where one or both adults don't plan to be dedicated parents. So what's left for a pregnant single woman? Abortion?

The most productive course of research would be to determine which option is less damaging: adopting children into families with two devoted parents or leaving them with a single parent. A discussion that focuses on how bad either option may be for a child will provide support for the beliefs of those who support the murder of unborn children.

Children in single parent families fare better than children who have been adopted, despite adopted children being given more advantages than children born into typical two patent families. The best option would be to support single parents so that they can spend adequate amount of time with their children and have better opportunities to find good spouses.

Yes, this is my conclusion as well. It's not what I originally thought, but after what I've researched, the best thing for child and mother is to stay together.
Single-parent homes are difficult, but a lot of the problems are temporary. The parent can eventually marry, the child can grow up, work hard and hopefully rise up out of poverty, parent and child can ultimately have more time together as the child gets older and can help their parent out more.

Adopted kids don't seem to recover. That worst-of-all rejections, starting at birth, affects the rest of their lives. They can't just grow up and regrow the cells in their brains that multiplied under the trauma of "I am abandoned, I am not safe, I am unlovable; I must remain in survival mode and adapt to being what a stranger sees as valuable. Who I really am is no good."

Support for single parents seems like a step in the right direction.

I think first of all, parents of young single mothers should do all they can to support their daughters. Some grandmothers take over raising the child and the mother is a big sister. In cases where an unwed mother is very young, I think that would be ideal. For older mothers, lots of child care support so they can establish themselves in life would probably be the best idea.

I think we fear that if we are supportive of unwed mothers, they won't realize they made a mistake and will keep getting into trouble. That seems to be the case with government aid where there is money to be made by being irresponsible. But I believe that loving support would not have the same effect. Pregnancy and child care is hard. Without monetary reward, I would imagine most young women would be in a good position to realize just how serious the consequences of their choices are and be more inclined to make better decisions in the future.

[brianj]

Children in single parent families fare better than children who have been adopted, despite adopted children being given more advantages than children born into typical two patent families. The best option would be to support single parents so that they can spend adequate amount of time with their children and have better opportunities to find good spouses.

Source? I haven't found any research to validate your statement.

[Rose Garden]

Children in single parent families fare better than children who have been adopted, despite adopted children being given more advantages than children born into typical two patent families. The best option would be to support single parents so that they can spend adequate amount of time with their children and have better opportunities to find good spouses.

Source? I haven't found any research to validate your statement.

This article that butterfly posted before. (https://ifstudies.org/blog/the-paradox-of-adoption/) In every case, the children of one biological single parent did marginally better than the ones who had been adopted into two parent families. In most cases the study stated that there was not a significant difference in order to claim that the single parent families were better off. Their cut-off mark for making this distinction appears to be 10 percentile points. The single family children were most often 8 percentile points off in the more positive direction. However, when certain factors were controlled out, the difference was significant enough (10 points) in some areas to state that the single parent children were in fact better off.

[braingrunt]

I finally took a look at one of the studies, the one meili just cited and it talks about kindergarden and first grade. It talks about misbehaving in classroom and academic performance.
Very first observation--adoptive kid's behavior is worst at first but improves between K and 1 while the "other family types" kids behavior is getting worse. If that defines the start of a trend (by no means certain that it does) then we have reason to be optimistic about their future and pessimistic toward the single parent kids.

Academic performance starts very low and even worsen between k and 1, so no reason to be optimistic there. However, given that past studies have found them achieving more positive results as adults, I have to think at some point they turn around.

By itself, I can't call this study very informative. If there are others which show what goes on later, which show continued problem, then maybe we can get somewhere. But right now, no.

[brianj]

Thank you, braingut. I was, obviously, more interested in the long term impact of adoption but I have not found any studies comparing the outcome of adoption vs the outcome of being raised by a single mother.
The research I did find demonstrates that adopted children don't fare as well as children raised in a stable home by both biological parents, but I also found research demonstrating that the effects of prenatal stress or early childhood abuse and neglect are reversed after placement in a stable, two parent adoptive family.

I am still looking for research comparing outcomes in adolescence and early adulthood but, in today's politically correct environment, I doubt such research would ever be published.

[butterfly]

Thank you, braingut. I was, obviously, more interested in the long term impact of adoption but I have not found any studies comparing the outcome of adoption vs the outcome of being raised by a single mother.
The research I did find demonstrates that adopted children don't fare as well as children raised in a stable home by both biological parents, but I also found research demonstrating that the effects of prenatal stress or early childhood abuse and neglect are reversed after placement in a stable, two parent adoptive family.

I am still looking for research comparing outcomes in adolescence and early adulthood but, in today's politically correct environment, I doubt such research would ever be published.

Did you see the other study I posted on pg. 2 of this thread that found that adopted adolescents are 4xs as likely to attempt suicide than non- adopted kids?

I also posted a link to personal commentaries from adopted adults who describe why they became overachievers as they grew up. It wasn't that things straightened out for them. They feared being rejected by their adoptive parents if they weren't successful enough; they also tried to stay occupied so they wouldn't have to think about how much they'd rather die than keep going through life with no way to feel sincerely loved and sincerely worthwhile.

Those 2 links may answer some of your questions

[brianj]

Did you see the other study I posted on pg. 2 of this thread that found that adopted adolescents are 4xs as likely to attempt suicide than non- adopted kids?

I also posted a link to personal commentaries from adopted adults who describe why they became overachievers as they grew up. It wasn't that things straightened out for them. They feared being rejected by their adoptive parents if they weren't successful enough; they also tried to stay occupied so they wouldn't have to think about how much they'd rather die than keep going through life with no way to feel sincerely loved and sincerely worthwhile.

Those 2 links may answer some of your questions

The study by Keyes et al appears to be a preliminary study and the authors mention weaknesses in the study, including the lack of consideration of ethnic diversity, the lack of information on children placed by government agencies, and preplacement experiences. Though the authors don't explicitly state it, the study didn't account for children adopted by homosexual couples. Although there is a great deal of anecdotal evidence for serious problems among children, both biological and adopted, raised in gay or lesbian households, this factor was not mentioned at all in the Keyes study.

I also have big problems with the ECLS-K on which Zill's research is based. Beside not accounting for children raised by homosexual adoptive parents, this study does not discuss if the adoptive children knew they were adopted and doesn't consider preplacement experience.

Finally, the anecdotal reports you mentioned are self-selective in that adoptees who didn't have the same fear are unlikely to post in such a forum.

[Thinker]

I appreciate the studies mentioned and the insightful comments about them.
I've read several studies that show kids who are raised by homosexual parents have significantly more problems. Here's one: http://www.frc.org/issuebrief/new-study ... s-research

Obviously, it's ideal that children are raised by their biological parents, but since that is often not possible, adoption is often the next best thing, but adoption by those most closely substituting as their biological parents - a mother and father.

And again, fathers are important, as are mothers.

Previously posted:

Children have the right to not be legally denied a mother and father.
Yet, those supporting marriage based on same-sex sexual substitutes, do not respect this right.

Child of lesbian couple speaks out against gay marriage
http://www.dennyburk.com/child-of-lesbi ... -marriage/

Not only do we each need a mother and father TO EXIST, we also need them to thrive in this world...

"Children Need Both A Mother And A Father" Dr. A. Dean Byrd (link is very long - couldn't find the shorter version.)
http://cdn.ca9.uscourts.gov/datastore/g ... micus7.pdf

"Why Children need both Mother-Love and Father-Love" Glenn T. Stanton
https://www.jashow.org/articles/society ... ther-love/

"Mothers' and Fathers' Socializing Behaviors in Three Contexts: Links with Children's Peer Competence"
Pettit, Gregory S.; Brown, Elizabeth Glyn; Mize, Jacquelyn; Lindsey, Eric
https://eric.ed.gov/?id=EJ563106

"Why Children Need a Mother and a Father" Bill Muehlenberg
https://billmuehlenberg.com/2010/10/18/ ... -a-father/

BTW - a related thread: viewtopic.php?t=29719