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Denyelbraley
Hi, I'm new.
Posts: 2

Newbie

Post by Denyelbraley »

:-ss Hello everybody. I'm new to this site. I'm LDS and have recently came back to the church after a long 20 year sabbatical. I've been through it all. Giving up on church when I was 16 , I've had 4 kids, married and divorced, gone through addiction problems, and now I've changed my life. I've needed to find a place where I can get advice and answers from people trying to choose the right and live by the covenants. I'm in disarray at this time trying to figure out if I should continue the relationship I'm in. My daughter's Dad and I are not married. I barely think we are together because I cannot commit to him. I am on a completely different level than him in my life, as I'm clean and sober, finishing school at age 35, in the job pool, and recently reconnected with the church because as my life is growing, I just felt I'm missing something. So the missionaries got me back. Now I've been back, living my daily life by the covenants the best I can for about 2 months and I'm still in an unrewarding, unfulfilled relationship. My semi other half has an addiction problem. He is court ordered to quit drinking and smoking pot. He smokes cigarettes. Has no job. No car. Just basically has nothing. On top of it all he has a bad attitude and starts to act entitled. Basically he's here because he really has no where else to go. I don't even like to say that him and I are together. He and I are on two different levels in life. My question is, do I stick around and help him try to succeed in his life or should I move on and know that only someday I'll be worthy enough for a man in the church? I don't even want to be in a relationship. I feel like I need to only focus on my children, my studies, and work. I feel like someday I might be worthy enough to meet a man in the church. I feel like that might be where I've gone wrong is I just don't have any respect for him. Am I even capable of having a relationship with a man from the church? That seems way far fetched for me. But my current relationship is not working. :-ss

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Elizabeth
Level 34 Illuminated
Posts: 11796
Location: East Coast Australia

Re: Newbie

Post by Elizabeth »

Move on. You are not married so make a clean break. Your daughter will always be a link, but that does not mean you cannot break away from past mistakes.

Zathura
Follow the Prophet
Posts: 8801

Re: Newbie

Post by Zathura »

First off, don't think that you need to be "worthy of a man in the church". You are not "below " a man of the Church, or anything like that.
All women are valued equally, and they are all God's most precious gems. On the other hand, some men(even men in the church) don't deserve the beautiful daughters of God that they were given to protect and provide for.

This is a decision that only you can make. On one hand, the scriptures tell you not to leave your spouse just because he/she is an unbeliever. On the other hand, you don't need to feel forced to stay somewhere that you don't want to be. It could be the right decision to leave, it could not be. Just don't let fear decide for you.
If you pray often, and with sincerity, I'm confident that you will know what you need to do.

Denyelbraley
Hi, I'm new.
Posts: 2

Re: Newbie

Post by Denyelbraley »

Thank you. I probably should have introduced myself more clearly rather than going on a rant about my problem. But, I was raised in the church and I've come back. Am I not understanding this site right? Is this site for active members of the church or is this site for people that are no longer in the church?

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cyclOps
captain of 1,000
Posts: 1354

Re: Newbie

Post by cyclOps »

Welcome. Reading your post it sounds like you already know what you should do. From what I gathered, it is pretty clear you don't want to be with him and it's not helping you achieve your goals. If you want to stick around solely to help him better himself, I would say you don't have to stick around to do that. You can move on while still offering help and teaching by example. Definitely not an easy decision either way. May God guide you.

Matchmaker
captain of 1,000
Posts: 2266

Re: Newbie

Post by Matchmaker »

Sometimes unrepentant people that we are in relationships with will tend to bring us down to their level rather than come up to ours if we stay around them too long.

kennyhs
captain of 1,000
Posts: 1537

Re: Newbie

Post by kennyhs »

Didn't you say you aren't married?

It's difficult when you have a child together, I see the dilemma. BUT, if you don't feel love for him, what good is staying? Continue to hold strong
to the change you are making, maybe he will improve on his own, if not who needs it.

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Elizabeth
Level 34 Illuminated
Posts: 11796
Location: East Coast Australia

Re: Newbie

Post by Elizabeth »

There are both here plus antis. That is the way of the internet. You will find your greatest strength and assistance from active members in your locality :)
Denyelbraley wrote:. Am I not understanding this site right? Is this site for active members of the church or is this site for people that are no longer in the church?

Zathura
Follow the Prophet
Posts: 8801

Re: Newbie

Post by Zathura »

Denyelbraley wrote:Thank you. I probably should have introduced myself more clearly rather than going on a rant about my problem. But, I was raised in the church and I've come back. Am I not understanding this site right? Is this site for active members of the church or is this site for people that are no longer in the church?
This is a site for those that believe that God restored his church through Joseph Smith, and believe and live the principles that have been taught since then. That includes active members, that would also exclude some active members. It would include inactive members, and exclude active members.

There are no "Anti-Mormons" here, the few that have come were banned immediately.
There are people who seek for answers and share their frustrations, and there are people who call them Apostates and anti-mormons.Both sides go too far at times, that's why "Super Mormons" and "Anti-Mormons" alike have been banned from this forum, because they don't know how to love their neighbor and deal with different opinions.

This is a place where you can learn from very inspired people, it's also a place where you may find contention and false teachings.

It's the best forum out there though, and all the people here are wonderful and sincere, and in the end, everybody here wants to help you and is willing to give advice.(they just may have different ways to go about it)

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