What are our Divine Gender Roles and How can Men and Women Respect Each Other?

[BruceRGilbert]

Divine Gender Roles:
The Mind and Heart of Family
The Husband is the head of the home, only insofar as he is the "mind." The Wife is the "heart" of the home. Just as apples and oranges are different, so too, are thoughts and feelings. Of necessity there needs to be balance between the two. Decisions and direction cannot be purely "logical," nor can they be entirely "emotional" based. Revelation for the family requires the conjunction of both "witnesses" as it were. While the husband is cognitively responsible for the family before the Lord, the wife is responsible for the nurturing. (Thoughts and Feelings are of the "spirit")

The Complementary "Spiritual" Wholeness
The Woman by real Divine power has the ability to transfigure that which is "Spiritual" into that which is "Physical" by enshrining Spirit Children with physical bodies in an "internal womb" of creation. The Man by "conditional" Divine authority (Priesthood) has the ability to transfigure that which is "physical" into that which is "Spiritual" by providing "physical souls" with "spiritual ordinances" in an "external womb" of creation. (It is only "conditional" and "figurative" insofar as a man is concerned - depending upon the righteousness of those involved.) The Woman has actual, real "ability" as far as her role is concerned; whereas, the Man's is conditional and must be sanctioned by Deity.

How Can Men and Women Respect Each Other?
We shall spend our lives learning who we are. Its greatest lesson is learning that the only being over which we have any semblance of control is ourselves - and that by the grace of God. It is more about co-operation and less about control when it comes to other intelligences. We are here to help others and in the process learn who we are by doing so.

It is important to recognize that we all have weaknesses given to us to overcome; that our lives are "tailored" to maximize the greatest growth and attain the highest potential possible.

Ether 12:
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness.

Faith is of the MIND . . . it involves a belief in that which is not seen.
Hope is of the HEART . . it involves a care about that which is not seen.
Charity is of the SOUL . .it involves heart, might, mind, and strength . . . body AND spirit.

It would be worth your while to examine all of the verses in our canonized scripture which refer to "overcome."

There are four stages to marriages:
1.) Infatuation Stage - Courtship and "Stars" in your eyes. https://youtu.be/XFcfXUL-7n0
2.) Honeymoon Stage - Marriage and "Bliss" in fulfilled goals. https://youtu.be/7jEaIDqHl74
https://youtu.be/3ChE6-LQAI4
3.) Reality Stage - "This person isn't anything like I thought they were." https://youtu.be/fB9qnPg9miw
https://youtu.be/wj10EzNKA2M
https://youtu.be/s-Ir5JMP9As
https://youtu.be/cGsYrpejAYw
4.) Honeymoon Stage - If a marriage survives stage 3, and the participants work on themselves instead of the other spouse - this stage can occur, again, and last forever. https://youtu.be/6Kld8mFky2s
https://youtu.be/SBJl5BH4Ycg

[Juliet]

Divine Gender Roles:
The Mind and Heart of Family
The Husband is the head of the home, only insofar as he is the "mind." The Wife is the "heart" of the home. Just as apples and oranges are different, so too, are thoughts and feelings. Of necessity there needs to be balance between the two. Decisions and direction cannot be purely "logical," nor can they be entirely "emotional" based. Revelation for the family requires the conjunction of both "witnesses" as it were. While the husband is cognitively responsible for the family before the Lord, the wife is responsible for the nurturing. (Thoughts and Feelings are of the "spirit")

The Complementary "Spiritual" Wholeness
The Woman by real Divine power has the ability to transfigure that which is "Spiritual" into that which is "Physical" by enshrining Spirit Children with physical bodies in an "internal womb" of creation. The Man by "conditional" Divine authority (Priesthood) has the ability to transfigure that which is "physical" into that which is "Spiritual" by providing "physical souls" with "spiritual ordinances" in an "external womb" of creation. (It is only "conditional" and "figurative" insofar as a man is concerned - depending upon the righteousness of those involved.) The Woman has actual, real "ability" as far as her role is concerned; whereas, the Man's is conditional and must be sanctioned by Deity.

How Can Men and Women Respect Each Other?
We shall spend our lives learning who we are. Its greatest lesson is learning that the only being over which we have any semblance of control is ourselves - and that by the grace of God. It is more about co-operation and less about control when it comes to other intelligences. We are here to help others and in the process learn who we are by doing so.

It is important to recognize that we all have weaknesses given to us to overcome; that our lives are "tailored" to maximize the greatest growth and attain the highest potential possible.

Ether 12:
27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
28 Behold, I will show unto the Gentiles their weakness, and I will show unto them that faith, hope and charity bringeth unto me—the fountain of all righteousness.

Faith is of the MIND . . . it involves a belief in that which is not seen.
Hope is of the HEART . . it involves a care about that which is not seen.
Charity is of the SOUL . .it involves heart, might, mind, and strength . . . body AND spirit.

It would be worth your while to examine all of the verses in our canonized scripture which refer to "overcome."

There are four stages to marriages:
1.) Infatuation Stage - Courtship and "Stars" in your eyes.
2.) Honeymoon Stage - Marriage and "Bliss" in fulfilled goals.
3.) Reality Stage - "This person isn't anything like I thought they were."
4.) Honeymoon Stage - If a marriage survives stage 3, and the participants work on themselves instead of the other spouse - this stage can occur, again, and last forever.

Thank you for these spiritual insights that really do fawn respect for each gender role. They are thoroughly thought out and very sound. I love looking at faith, hope, and chairity as bringing both sexes together. I love how you explain a woman's role to bring children physical bodies and a man's role to bring about spiritual progression. In this way, the masculine and feminine mirror each other, which gardners respect.

I appreciate that you have defined 4 stages, because stage 3. The Reality stage is the real trial and it is as you say, you can overcome it by loving your spouse anyway and look in the mirror to find weakness to work on.

In my marriage class at BYU Idaho, we studied John Gottman's marriage research, and he determined that every divorcing couple has 10 major unresolvable conflicts. He also determined that every happily married couple had 10 major unresolvable conflicts, and happiness came down to the positive regard people maintained for each other, and the divorces came down to the disgust the soon to be exes maintained for each other.

I had a break through when my I felt inspired to ask my husband, "just because we heavily disagree on this issue, I still need you to show me affection". Of course I said it as kindly as I could, and it really helped. Since then, we have learned how important and wonderful it is to respect our differences, sometimes vocally asking for it, because in the heat of the moment sometimes you forget.

My grandparents gave us advice to never get mad at each other, because they had done that and had a good marriage. I don't think that is reasonable, I think if you respect someone you will let disagreements surface in order to broaden your perspective.

[Melissa]

My point was that I think many women turn controlling, or have expectations for their husbands, in response to their husband's controlling nature and expectations. I imagine that in the Amish community, the Amish men are a lot less attuned to their own wants than the modern man. The Amish man has not been exposed to all the messages that women will always be excited to give you what you want. I'm sure there is less mentality of entitlement, less neediness, less laziness, no time watching sports, and the Amish men actually spend more time with their families. No wonder the Amish women are so happy!

When I overhear women discussing their divorces, I almost never hear them complaining about their ex-husbands being controlling. What I so often observe is that they took daddy telling them a princess too seriously and see a husband more as a servant than an equal. And women know that in the current legal environment they hold all the power in a relationship. Leave the husband and they can likely collect alimony as well as child support. They can have the father of their children thrown in jail if he doesn't pay child support, but when I hear from divorced fathers I NEVER hear of a woman being held legally accountable for ignoring the court ordered visitation schedule. It is easy to find videos on YouTube showing experiments where a woman berates and physically abuses her partner and people just watch, but the moment he tries defending himself people jump in to protect the "innocent" woman. Feminists pretend domestic violence is a one-way thing, but in reality women commit acts of violence as often as men do. Sadly, I have known of men being arrested for domestic violence even when police observed the woman committing the assault.

I do believe a major reason why the Amish are so happy is because they so strongly avoid worldliness. When a Mormon woman incessantly complains that she isn't getting the money she deserves from her lazy ex husband I see a problem. When I see other women supporting that kind of greed I see a very big problem.

This is why I don't really like the word controlling and prefer to use the word expectations. And the reason is that each person tries to get what they want in different ways. Some are very verbal in stating their demands, expectations and requests, some just withhold in order to punish the other for not getting what they want. And the nature of expectations between husbands and wives are different, in that each shows that expectation differently.

What would you say that the typical newly married lds man goes into marriage expecting. Let's say that he expects that his wife will cook, shop for groceries, keep a tidy house, do laundry, and will love to give him physical intimacy. And then, when the children come, take care of the children and meet most of their needs while doing all of the above. What does the typical newly married lds woman expect from her new husband. Perhaps to provide an income, and help with the house and children. Now, who do you think is most likely to disappoint, the woman or the man? I would say the woman is most likely to disappoint the man first. In that first year, she is not going to do all those things that he expects that she will do, and he will start to show some disappointment. He doesn't have to act "controlling" in an outward way, he only needs to show his dissatisfaction in his face, demeanor, his withdrawal emotionally, that sends the message that he is not happy that his wife is not giving him what he needs. This starts the cycle in my opinion, of expectations. The woman on the other hand, how does she show her dissatisfaction? The things that she expects and is not getting often have to be verbalized. Not necessarily of course. She too can get good at withdrawing to punish her husband for not helping with the children for example, but I think this is why women have more of the stigma of being "controlling," is because the woman is more likely to verbalize her wants. But if you look at expectations by themselves, you'll see that both genders are guilty of sending the message that they deserve something, and that will surely turn the other off.

:ymapplause:

Yes! Yes!

Women do get such a bad rap because they are the physical/verbal manifestation of the relationship. Women get blamed for so much that are symptoms and reactions to what the environment has become or the passive/active withdraw of her husband.

A woman has been said to be the mirror or physical manifestation of the husband. If you have a woman who embodies and puts out feminine beauty and happiness and she is not afraid of others but confident....then she has a damn good husband! This is the power a man has in a womans life but all to many men use their power over the woman's vulnerability in ways that destroy her and harm her and cause her distress. Because they don't realize the power they have over their wife to influence.

Have a horrible wife...your likely a horrible husband and don't know it. You cannot sit there in a home that is divided and claim to be happy and it's all her fault. And vise versa.

Men are no better than women when it comes to being a good spouse. Men have so very many things they do to contribute to their wives "controlling" behavior or nagging or expectations.

And expectations are okay in a marriage. You shouldnt give up your expectations just because someone doesn't meet them. Because then THEY are controlling you. How many times does a wife ask for something or for more connection or more intimacy or more involvement in her life and or the kids lives? If he doesn't heed the desires of his wife for the benefit of her happiness and the wellbeing of the relationship and family, then is he not controlling?

A woman usually never firsts ask for anything in a controlling fashion. A woman's desire is to her husband and to please him and to be pleasing. Anything outside of this is not basic female desires. So, I very highly doubt a woman becomes a nag or "controlling" all on her own without a single provoke or input from her husband.

Maybe this is a classic situation of first take care of the beam in thine own eye.

Because women are naturally desiring to be pleasing to their husband they have a vulnerability and are sensitive to the husband and his behavior and responses to her. If he does something to hurt her like yelling or heaven forbid, using other women to satisfy his sexual whatever...he is literally throwing his wife up against a wall. How would you respond? How to.you expect a woman to respond?

Kids are vulnerable to parents and is a good example of the power and influence parents have to shape the child's well being and confidence and happiness. They can be sensitive and kind or they can be harsh or abusive while claiming they didn't realize they were doing anything or didn't mean to yada yada.

Now, a man has this type of power over the well being of his wife...this is the vulnerability (so many men desire and want) so is he cognitive of how his behaviors are affecting his wife? Is he responding with kindness and active understanding and with a view of responsibility to protect her? Even from himself? Men can be incredibly insensitive and mean and not even know it. But when they are told, how do they respond? See, men want a vulnerable wife? Then he better be ready to tend to that in all the kind and.sensitive and understanding ways to NOT become abusive or the reason for pain. There is no excuse.of I don't get it or I didn't mean it, you would have to learn or you run the risk of becoming abusive by insulting and harming the very thing you desire in your wife, her sensitivity and vulnerability.

[Sarah]

My point was that I think many women turn controlling, or have expectations for their husbands, in response to their husband's controlling nature and expectations. I imagine that in the Amish community, the Amish men are a lot less attuned to their own wants than the modern man. The Amish man has not been exposed to all the messages that women will always be excited to give you what you want. I'm sure there is less mentality of entitlement, less neediness, less laziness, no time watching sports, and the Amish men actually spend more time with their families. No wonder the Amish women are so happy!

When I overhear women discussing their divorces, I almost never hear them complaining about their ex-husbands being controlling. What I so often observe is that they took daddy telling them a princess too seriously and see a husband more as a servant than an equal. And women know that in the current legal environment they hold all the power in a relationship. Leave the husband and they can likely collect alimony as well as child support. They can have the father of their children thrown in jail if he doesn't pay child support, but when I hear from divorced fathers I NEVER hear of a woman being held legally accountable for ignoring the court ordered visitation schedule. It is easy to find videos on YouTube showing experiments where a woman berates and physically abuses her partner and people just watch, but the moment he tries defending himself people jump in to protect the "innocent" woman. Feminists pretend domestic violence is a one-way thing, but in reality women commit acts of violence as often as men do. Sadly, I have known of men being arrested for domestic violence even when police observed the woman committing the assault.

I do believe a major reason why the Amish are so happy is because they so strongly avoid worldliness. When a Mormon woman incessantly complains that she isn't getting the money she deserves from her lazy ex husband I see a problem. When I see other women supporting that kind of greed I see a very big problem.

This is why I don't really like the word controlling and prefer to use the word expectations. And the reason is that each person tries to get what they want in different ways. Some are very verbal in stating their demands, expectations and requests, some just withhold in order to punish the other for not getting what they want. And the nature of expectations between husbands and wives are different, in that each shows that expectation differently.

What would you say that the typical newly married lds man goes into marriage expecting. Let's say that he expects that his wife will cook, shop for groceries, keep a tidy house, do laundry, and will love to give him physical intimacy. And then, when the children come, take care of the children and meet most of their needs while doing all of the above. What does the typical newly married lds woman expect from her new husband. Perhaps to provide an income, and help with the house and children. Now, who do you think is most likely to disappoint, the woman or the man? I would say the woman is most likely to disappoint the man first. In that first year, she is not going to do all those things that he expects that she will do, and he will start to show some disappointment. He doesn't have to act "controlling" in an outward way, he only needs to show his dissatisfaction in his face, demeanor, his withdrawal emotionally, that sends the message that he is not happy that his wife is not giving him what he needs. This starts the cycle in my opinion, of expectations. The woman on the other hand, how does she show her dissatisfaction? The things that she expects and is not getting often have to be verbalized. Not necessarily of course. She too can get good at withdrawing to punish her husband for not helping with the children for example, but I think this is why women have more of the stigma of being "controlling," is because the woman is more likely to verbalize her wants. But if you look at expectations by themselves, you'll see that both genders are guilty of sending the message that they deserve something, and that will surely turn the other off.

:ymapplause:

Yes! Yes!

Women do get such a bad rap because they are the physical/verbal manifestation of the relationship. Women get blamed for so much that are symptoms and reactions to what the environment has become or the passive/active withdraw of her husband.

A woman has been said to be the mirror or physical manifestation of the husband. If you have a woman who embodies and puts out feminine beauty and happiness and she is not afraid of others but confident....then she has a damn good husband! This is the power a man has in a womans life but all to many men use their power over the woman's vulnerability in ways that destroy her and harm her and cause her distress. Because they don't realize the power they have over their wife to influence.

Have a horrible wife...your likely a horrible husband and don't know it. You cannot sit there in a home that is divided and claim to be happy and it's all her fault. And vise versa.

Men are no better than women when it comes to being a good spouse. Men have so very many things they do to contribute to their wives "controlling" behavior or nagging or expectations.

And expectations are okay in a marriage. You shouldnt give up your expectations just because someone doesn't meet them. Because then THEY are controlling you. How many times does a wife ask for something or for more connection or more intimacy or more involvement in her life and or the kids lives? If he doesn't heed the desires of his wife for the benefit of her happiness and the wellbeing of the relationship and family, then is he not controlling?

A woman usually never firsts ask for anything in a controlling fashion. A woman's desire is to her husband and to please him and to be pleasing. Anything outside of this is not basic female desires. So, I very highly doubt a woman becomes a nag or "controlling" all on her own without a single provoke or input from her husband.

Maybe this is a classic situation of first take care of the beam in thine own eye.

Because women are naturally desiring to be pleasing to their husband they have a vulnerability and are sensitive to the husband and his behavior and responses to her. If he does something to hurt her like yelling or heaven forbid, using other women to satisfy his sexual whatever...he is literally throwing his wife up against a wall. How would you respond? How to.you expect a woman to respond?

Kids are vulnerable to parents and is a good example of the power and influence parents have to shape the child's well being and confidence and happiness. They can be sensitive and kind or they can be harsh or abusive while claiming they didn't realize they were doing anything or didn't mean to yada yada.

Now, a man has this type of power over the well being of his wife...this is the vulnerability (so many men desire and want) so is he cognitive of how his behaviors are affecting his wife? Is he responding with kindness and active understanding and with a view of responsibility to protect her? Even from himself? Men can be incredibly insensitive and mean and not even know it. But when they are told, how do they respond? See, men want a vulnerable wife? Then he better be ready to tend to that in all the kind and.sensitive and understanding ways to NOT become abusive or the reason for pain. There is no excuse.of I don't get it or I didn't mean it, you would have to learn or you run the risk of becoming abusive by insulting and harming the very thing you desire in your wife, her sensitivity and vulnerability.

Thank you Melissa! I was wondering if I was the only one seeing things for how they really are. I do not hate men - I love them!! But I have looked at marriages, read lots of marriage books, and even one I read recently, where the authors came to the conclusion that the quality of the marriage is mostly determined by the husband. Does this mean a woman has no accountability and should not take some of the blame? No of course not, but the key really is seeing not only how the woman is behaving, but how the man responds to not having the things he wants. Some men are really open, patient, encouraging, and accommodating. But many are just not there yet.

How would a man want a woman to respond if she is the only one in the ward who can't afford x,y, or z? He would hope that she would just say to herself, "no big deal, that's okay!" And be happy, and not withdraw or get moody or frustrated. But how do some men act when their wife is not as sexually responsive as they'd like, or as responsible at home as they'd like, do they say "No big deal, that's okay?" No, many times they do get frustrated, moody, withdrawn etc. And guess what that signals to the woman? I will only love you if you give me what I want. If you don't want your spouse to expect things from you, then carefully analyze what you might be subtly communicating to your spouse. You might just see how you too are communicating an expectation.

If a woman does not like to get physically intimate with her man. She does not trust one of three things. She may not trust that her man really loves her, due to the above behaviors, she may not trust that she can enjoy sex, or she may not trust that she will at that time enjoy it. That lack of trust causes her to act in fear, and withdraw. It is not going to help to just tell the woman she needs to learn to receive. A woman is programed to not give physical intimacy to a man she does not trust. So if your wife does not like you physically, she does not trust you. The expectations you have communicated in the past, send the message that you will only love her if she wants you physically, and that translates into conditional love. For a woman to be able to receive physical intimacy gifts from her husband, she has to completely trust him, and in her ability to appreciate or really receive his gifts, and so the man has a huge part to play in earning her trust.

[WhereCanITurn4Peace]

passionflower,

You know I have great admiration for you, but some of the information you share seems outdated, or something similar to urban myths or old wives tales. For instance:

Women today are facing a near epidemic of hormone imbalances that all but disable them. The treatments can be very expensive and I know a Doctor who deals with this and he told me after seeing hundreds of women that he was convinced the real reason is for the prevalence of this today is because so many women are trying to be an act like men in an effort to be their I-don't-need-him "Equals".

If women have hormone imbalances, it is likely one or more of a myriad of issues... I highly doubt "acting like men" is one of them. Thyroid problems can greatly affect hormones. Pollution, certain chemicals and pesticides are very dangerous...studies have shown that in particular areas the male fish started having female characteristics because of this:

http://www.naturalnews.com/052832_atraz ... anges.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I'm concerned because I don't want women reading this thread to think that they might be having hormone issues due to not being feminine enough.

[Fiannan]

I'm concerned because I don't want women reading this thread to think that they might be having hormone issues due to not being feminine enough.

Yet it has been shown that even sitting in an assertive manner increases testosterone levels in both men and women. If a man avoids competition, is always putting himself down, or gets put down by others, his testosterone levels go lower, if a woman thrives on competition, thrives on success, and doesn't care about what others think her testosterone levels go up. Of course both males and females can be combative and bullying and they will raise their levels up as well. But there is a balance people should strive for. Yet today's society stresses women be more like men and men be more like women. That does have an effect.

[braingrunt]

Help, this is getting too complicated for me! Am I doing anything wrong? Emotional IQ too low!

All I know is, I virtually never criticize my wife and try to be helpful. To be honest, when she comes at me with 10 burdens, I'm like "I'm sorry about your burdens. Pick two for me to share today." Maybe I'm falling short there, but I literally can't carry that burden, let a list carry it, if it must. And God.

I partly feel like that's my responsibility as a man. Share some burdens, try to get her to just drop some. Let's just be happy.

[WhereCanITurn4Peace]

Yet it has been shown that even sitting in an assertive manner increases testosterone levels in both men and women. If a man avoids competition, is always putting himself down, or gets put down by others, his testosterone levels go lower, if a woman thrives on competition, thrives on success, and doesn't care about what others think her testosterone levels go up. Of course both males and females can be combative and bullying and they will raise their levels up as well. But there is a balance people should strive for. Yet today's society stresses women be more like men and men be more like women. That does have an effect.

Yes, I think we can all acknowledge that today's society is topsy turvy...

Specifically speaking on hormones, it is normal for testosterone and estrogen levels to fluctuate throughout the day and night, however if things are serious enough to warrant going to a doctor, it isn't due to "acting like a man"...it's more likely because of the issues mentioned in my previous post.

[Melissa]

I'm concerned because I don't want women reading this thread to think that they might be having hormone issues due to not being feminine enough.

Yet it has been shown that even sitting in an assertive manner increases testosterone levels in both men and women. If a man avoids competition, is always putting himself down, or gets put down by others, his testosterone levels go lower, if a woman thrives on competition, thrives on success, and doesn't care about what others think her testosterone levels go up. Of course both males and females can be combative and bullying and they will raise their levels up as well. But there is a balance people should strive for. Yet today's society stresses women be more like men and men be more like women. That does have an effect.

These situations are not permanent but maybe just a small increase or decrease that is short lived. If a woman sits assertively, it shouldn't affect her natural output of testosterone but maybe a very short increase, much like adrenaline when getting startled. My guess anyways. You cannot turn a woman into a man and it's not going to happen that she increases her testosterone enough to really change anything but the immediate situation she is facing.

Also, a confident woman is not a man. A powerful and influential woman is not a man. She is a confident woman.

I don't know about all the crazy women out there these days but generally speaking, a woman is a woman and doesn't always have to "act" weak and submissive to be called a woman.

[Sarah]

Help, this is getting too complicated for me! Am I doing anything wrong? Emotional IQ too low!

All I know is, I virtually never criticize my wife and try to be helpful. To be honest, when she comes at me with 10 burdens, I'm like "I'm sorry about your burdens. Pick two for me to share today." Maybe I'm falling short there, but I literally can't carry that burden, let a list carry it, if it must. And God.

I partly feel like that's my responsibility as a man. Share some burdens, try to get her to just drop some. Let's just be happy.

Well, there is nothing wrong with you. I don't think there are many people who enjoy listening to others complain or talk about their burdens. But we all need to feel understood, and my guess is that your wife is looking for your compassion.

(Perhaps you'll humor me while I engage in some armchair marriage counseling

If she's just looking for a listening ear, try saying something like, "That sounds really difficult. I'm sorry you're dealing with that issue." That might satisfy her. This is better than trying to minimize her problems or offering solutions. And don't be afraid of setting a boundary for yourself. You only have so much time to listen for example, and just reassure her of your love.

If however her complaining is her way of communicating her expectation for your help, this is a manipulative approach, and she really should simply be asking for help rather than complaining and expecting you to offer. So don't respond to her by asking her if she wants you to do something. She needs to learn to request. And you can ask that she request for help rather than expect that you will do it. Otherwise, you both need to have a discussion and come to an agreement about some specific expectations you are both willing to meet.

[brianj]

One thing I will add to the discussion, good advice that I failed to heed, is to pay very close attention to the relationship between a romantic interest and their close relatives. If the person you are courting treats you well and promises that they will not yell at you like they yell at their parent(s), DON'T TRUST THEM! I have no doubt the person intends to treat you well, but when they have spent two decades or more yelling and being yelled at you can't expect them to suddenly change just for you.

[Melissa]

Help, this is getting too complicated for me! Am I doing anything wrong? Emotional IQ too low!

All I know is, I virtually never criticize my wife and try to be helpful. To be honest, when she comes at me with 10 burdens, I'm like "I'm sorry about your burdens. Pick two for me to share today." Maybe I'm falling short there, but I literally can't carry that burden, let a list carry it, if it must. And God.

I partly feel like that's my responsibility as a man. Share some burdens, try to get her to just drop some. Let's just be happy.

You are a decent guy and clearly care about things. You will not have your wife drop an issue she has by telling her to drop it or not have it. Much like it wouldn't work if she dismissed your feelings and told you to not be worried about something and just be happy.

You sound overwhelmed and or stressed, and that is okay and normal these days - everyone seems to be reaching their limits.

I would suggest that the two of you are not as close as you could be. It's really hard when one person is reaching for the other and the other is trying to escape the need. By telling her to only give you two you are escaping the other 8, for example. This will create resentment in both of you if you don't draw closer and lean on each other. You need to lean on her as well, she needs to see your vulnerability and your struggles. If you run or appear to distance yourself, it will be a problem.

Just tell her you care and listen. Offer kind words of validation. Women can be very simple. Look at her, listen to her, tell her your sorry she is having a hard time and that you are there for her. That will go very far for her! That is what she needs. Women have emotions and stress that are overwhelming and sometimes just need a rock to lean on that is reliable so she can get a brief moment of strength from you to carry on and figure it all out. You don't have to have the answers which means you don't have to absorb her feelings or solve her problems. You need to support her and be reliable. Women get tons of strength just knowing that of she ever were to fail or to be weak or whatever, that she can turn to you and you can hold her up. That doesn't mean you have to solve the problem, just be there.

It can be hard to hear 10 things but maybe they are just building and she is getting overwhelmed herself. Lift her up and strengthen her. You don't have to be superman, just be human and genuine.

[BruceRGilbert]

There are four stages to marriages:
1.) Infatuation Stage - Courtship and "Stars" in your eyes. https://youtu.be/XFcfXUL-7n0
2.) Honeymoon Stage - Marriage and "Bliss" in fulfilled goals. https://youtu.be/7jEaIDqHl74
https://youtu.be/3ChE6-LQAI4
3.) Reality Stage - "This person isn't anything like I thought they were." https://youtu.be/fB9qnPg9miw
https://youtu.be/wj10EzNKA2M
https://youtu.be/s-Ir5JMP9As
https://youtu.be/cGsYrpejAYw
4.) Honeymoon Stage - If a marriage survives stage 3, and the participants work on themselves instead of the other spouse - this stage can occur, again, and last forever. https://youtu.be/6Kld8mFky2s
https://youtu.be/SBJl5BH4Ycg

(Please note the difference between "you" statements and "I" statements. "Judgment is meant for "identification" and not "condemnation.")

Because of a distinction between people and different learning styles . . . some live in their minds and are adept at dealing with thoughts and ideas and others live in their hearts and are adept at dealing with feelings and "vibrations," I took the liberty to amend a previous posting to accommodate these styles. Music is a very powerful medium as it contains both dimensions through which people can relate; lyrics and rhythm. The lyrics operate on the mind and the "resonant frequencies" operate on the heart. Therefore, I would invite you to take a journey through the music that has been associated with each stage of marriage with the faith and hope that you will receive a more complete message.

In addition, I should like to point out that "making love" infers more than stimulation, but doing such things as always saying, "I love you" and meaning it. (Many times, it is done through "small gestures" of "thoughtfulness" and "kindness.") Further, it is important to realize that the ratifying effect of the Holy Spirit of Promise on a Celestial Marriage / Union is more likely to occur during the "after glow." One ought not be engaged in that which is "carnal," but that which is "spiritually edifying" in bringing hearts and spirits together. There is something wrong or incomplete when intimacy doesn't yield a closer bond of spiritual unity in a relationship.

https://youtu.be/W_x9cbrdgnw

"Falling is a necessary part of learning how to walk."

2 Nephi 2:
24 But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.
25 Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.

Moses 5:
9 And in that day the Holy Ghost fell upon Adam, which beareth record of the Father and the Son, saying: I am the Only Begotten of the Father from the beginning, henceforth and forever, that as thou hast fallen thou mayest be redeemed, and all mankind, even as many as will.
10 And in that day Adam blessed God and was filled, and began to prophesy concerning all the families of the earth, saying: Blessed be the name of God, for because of my transgression my eyes are opened, and in this life I shall have joy, and again in the flesh I shall see God.
11 And Eve, his wife, heard all these things and was glad, saying: Were it not for our transgression we never should have had seed, and never should have known good and evil, and the joy of our redemption, and the eternal life which God giveth unto all the obedient.

Doctrine and Covenants 101:
36 Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full.

Doctrine and Covenants 18:
11 For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.
12 And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance.
13 And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!

Genesis 3:
4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: (This was the lie and not that their eyes would be opened and that they would be as gods, knowing good and evil.)
5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.
6 And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.

Genesis 3:
22 And the Lord God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: . . . .

It has been said that though they "fell" and we "fall," it is "forward."

Attitude plays an ever increasing role in our progression. One chooses their response to pain, sorrow and tribulation, be it positive or negative. Such things can be discerned by the "opposites;" the good and the bad.
The Good (Progressive) . . . . . . The Bad (Damning)
[Mind] Belief . . . . . . . . . . . . Doubt
''''''''''''''''''''' Faith . . . . . . . . . . . . Fear
"""""""""" Knowledge . . . . . . . . .Ignorance
"""""""""" Intelligence . . . . . . . .Stupidity
'''''''''''''''''''' Wisdom . . . . . . . . . . .Foolishness
[Heart]Care . . . . . . . . . . . . .Apathy
"""""""""" Hope . . . . . . . . . . . . .Despair
"""""""""" Compassion . . . . . . . . Envy
"""""""""" Empathy . . . . . . . . . . Vanity
"""""""""" Love . . . . . . . . . . . . .Hate

All that we will ever know in this life is our own consciousness. It is one thing to be "self-aware" and quite another to be "other-aware."

[JohnnyL]

passionflower,

You know I have great admiration for you, but some of the information you share seems outdated, or something similar to urban myths or old wives tales. For instance:

Women today are facing a near epidemic of hormone imbalances that all but disable them. The treatments can be very expensive and I know a Doctor who deals with this and he told me after seeing hundreds of women that he was convinced the real reason is for the prevalence of this today is because so many women are trying to be an act like men in an effort to be their I-don't-need-him "Equals".

If women have hormone imbalances, it is likely one or more of a myriad of issues... I highly doubt "acting like men" is one of them. Thyroid problems can greatly affect hormones. Pollution, certain chemicals and pesticides are very dangerous...studies have shown that in particular areas the male fish started having female characteristics because of this:

http://www.naturalnews.com/052832_atraz ... anges.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I'm concerned because I don't want women reading this thread to think that they might be having hormone issues due to not being feminine enough.

I've found that behind most every physical problem with the body is an emotional reason/ problem/ belief. This could possibly mean the emotional/ spiritual problem of acting like a man might lead to actually being like a man.

[WhereCanITurn4Peace]

I've found that behind most every physical problem with the body is an emotional reason/ problem/ belief. This could possibly mean the emotional/ spiritual problem of acting like a man might lead to actually being like a man.

While I agree emotional/mental issues can manifest into physical problems, a female isn't going to turn male by acting like one. Such thinking is ridiculous, possibly dangerous and downright silly.

As I've mentioned previously, hormone imbalances are more likely due to thyroid issues, stress, unhealthy diet or pollution/chemical poisoning.

https://www.planetnaturopath.com/functi ... -in-women/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

https://womeninbalance.org/seventh-woman/causes/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;