Chastity

[Sbell13]

I am a recently engaged student attending BYU Idaho. My fiancé and I, before we reached engagement, had some severe sexual relations that came close to completely having intercourse, but stopped before reaching that point. These occurred several months ago and we have since then stopped to take steps towards repentance. We have no sexual or explicit physical contact anymore. We since got engaged and know we want a temple marriage, but we still need to talk to our bishops (we are in separate wards). He (my fiancé) is an endowed malchezidek priesthood holder, but I am not endowed at all. What are the potential consequences if we have been working sincerely towards temple marriage after our mistakes? What are the chances of disfellowship or even excommunication? How long might they be for?

[Joel]

Different leaders do different things, the chances of disfellowship or excommunication vary from leader to leader. Think of it like playing roulette when it comes to different consequences. The time frames can vary too...excommunication usually takes longer than disfellowship, again it can depend on the leader you have.

Your schooling plans could be impacted. Have a backup plan in place and ready to go if you need to continue school somewhere else. Your church leaders judgments can impact your ability to continue attending a church owned school.

[Obrien]

Great advice, Joel, especially about future schooling plans. Those damned ecclesiastical endorsements...

By the way, what are "severe sexual relations"? That seems like quite an odd term to me.

[jsk]

Since you are planning to confess to the Bishop of your own accord and since you stopped short of actual intercourse and because you are planning on getting married to this person, I think either Church Probation or no action would be taken against you. Depending on the actual specifics of what activities occurred, your fiancé may face a higher level penalty because he is endowed. However, since intercourse didn't occur, excommunication is almost assuredly off the table. If I had to guess, probably Probation or Disfellowshippment for your Fiancé, although as the other posters mentioned, it will depend on your Bishop and how the Spirit moves him. I can tell you that Probation doesn't have to automatically terminate your Ecclesiastical Endorsement...I know because my daughter went thru this at BYU-I. I will also mention that her case involved actual intercourse with a non-member. There are a whole host of considerations, including age, life experience, evidence of repentance (like confessing of your own free will), endowment status, etc. My general impression of Bishops of BYU Student Wards is that they see this kind of thing all the time and aren't quick to take steps that would terminate or impede educational opportunities, particularly where those involved are young, inexperienced, and unendowed.

[Rachael]

Its between you and Christ. But leaders want to step in like they are mediators between you and God. Its kinda Catholic like, except Catholics don't compel you to confess with routine worthiness interviews. And this compellation factor forces an ultimatum between making a confession or telling a lie if you want to get married in the temple or get access to your transcripts. Because like Joel said, its a roulette wheel.

Give yourself and future partner some credit. Y'all stopped before actually fornicating. You both have taken measures to prevent this situation from happening again. You both feel remorse and have repented before God. Feel clean in that, and move forward without worrying about 2 different leaders messing up your future.

[rewcox]

Clear things up now so you don't have baggage in the future. Repenting will give you a clear conscience so you feel good about going through the temple. Mosiah 26 shows that you do have confessions from a church standpoint, you also ask for forgiveness from Christ and He is happy to forgive you.

[ajax]

By the way, what are "severe sexual relations"? That seems like quite an odd term to me.

I thought these were relations that older married couples strive to get back to.

[Obrien]

By the way, what are "severe sexual relations"? That seems like quite an odd term to me.

I thought these were relations that older married couples strive to get back to.

Me too... that's why it struck me as an odd phrase for a young horny couple.

[ajax]

Its between you and Christ. But leaders want to step in like they are mediators between you and God. Its kinda Catholic like, except Catholics don't compel you to confess with routine worthiness interviews. And this compellation factor forces an ultimatum between making a confession or telling a lie if you want to get married in the temple or get access to your transcripts. Because like Joel said, its a roulette wheel.

Give yourself and future partner some credit. Y'all stopped before actually fornicating. You both have taken measures to prevent this situation from happening again. You both feel remorse and have repented before God. Feel clean in that, and move forward without worrying about 2 different leaders messing up your future.

I like the idea of working things out yourselves and between God. Bringing stuff up before strangers and suffering under their shoddy ideas and worldview seems like nothing but trouble. Seeing that some here on LDSFF have served in said positions, I wouldn't trust my intimate affairs with them in the least, nor the potential damage they could do to my and my partners life.

[ajax]

By the way, what are "severe sexual relations"? That seems like quite an odd term to me.

I thought these were relations that older married couples strive to get back to.

Me too... that's why it struck me as an odd phrase for a young horny couple.

I'm going to ask my wife if she'd like to get severe tonight and see where it takes us.

[Obrien]

Since you are planning to confess to the Bishop of your own accord and since you stopped short of actual intercourse and because you are planning on getting married to this person, I think either Church Probation or no action would be taken against you. Depending on the actual specifics of what activities occurred, your fiancé may face a higher level penalty because he is endowed. However, since intercourse didn't occur, excommunication is almost assuredly off the table. If I had to guess, probably Probation or Disfellowshippment for your Fiancé, although as the other posters mentioned, it will depend on your Bishop and how the Spirit moves him. I can tell you that Probation doesn't have to automatically terminate your Ecclesiastical Endorsement...I know because my daughter went thru this at BYU-I. I will also mention that her case involved actual intercourse with a non-member. There are a whole host of considerations, including age, life experience, evidence of repentance (like confessing of your own free will), endowment status, etc. My general impression of Bishops of BYU Student Wards is that they see this kind of thing all the time and aren't quick to take steps that would terminate or impede educational opportunities, particularly where those involved are young, inexperienced, and unendowed.

Note these words. They are important from a school attendance point of view.

Also, remember the woman caught in the act of adultery. Her forgiveness did not come after confessing to a non-stipended ecclesiastical leader, followed by some months of jumping through bureaucratic hoops. She was forgiven freely by the Source of Forgiveness.

You've done well to recognize the situation you are in. Do not succumb to future temptation. Control your passions and move forward with honor. Ask for forgiveness, together or alone, and be happy. Best of luck to you in the future.

[Obrien]

By the way, what are "severe sexual relations"? That seems like quite an odd term to me.

I thought these were relations that older married couples strive to get back to.

Me too... that's why it struck me as an odd phrase for a young horny couple.

I'm going to ask my wife if she'd like to get severe tonight and see where it takes us.

Return and report how that works out for ya. No details, I'm just curious if that approach "works".

[eddie]

The worry you are feeling is because you know what is happening and what could happen. Talking to your Bishop will put the brakes on and renew your commitment. Its the help you need.

[braingrunt]

Some people here don't give a darn about the church, and they are correct that going to them will complicate your plans for temple marriage.

However, whatever you think of an organization, you should associate with them, or not, in good faith, according to their regulation. This is just basic integrity and applies equally well to country clubs or religions.

Ps, good luck and sincere wishes for happiness

[Juliet]

Is the Lord telling you to go confess to your bishop? You felt guilty so you stopped. It seems like you did what the Lord wanted you to do. Only confess if you have a hard time repenting. If you have stopped, then you have repented, and you have resolved it between you and the Lord. Trust your feelings. If you feel clean, than you resolved it with the Savior and you don't need to worry about it anymore. Do not give in to Satan's lies that you are not good enough. You are learning right and wrong. I am proud for you for listening and stopping. Confess if you absolutely need to for peace of mind, but if you ask me, you already repented and Satan wants you to go "be judged" when you know you have been forgiven by the atonement of Christ because you have stopped sinning. So don't mock His beautiful forgiveness by going to be judged for something you have been cleared of and go get married and enjoy the beautiful relationship you have started. Let it become a beautiful wonderful thing and don't let Satan guilt you more than you deserve. Listen to that still small voice and not Satan's never ending incessant condemnation. You are just learning there is no need to make yourself out as evil for experiences that you had and felt guilty for and then learned from to not do until your married. Learn from it and be at peace, you confessed it here and to yourself and to the Lord. It is good enough. Move forward.

[ajax]

"My yoke is easy, and my burden is light...go thy way and sin no more"

-OR-

put your faith in men's yoke and unnecessary burdens.

[braingrunt]

No faith in men, just integrity.
They can't trip up God, don't worry.
Skipping integrity is putting faith in yourself.

[jsk]

Wow..I'm having a hard time believing some of the posters here are actually LDS...either that or they do not understand the repentance process. In my opinion those who are discouraging the OP from seeing her Bishop and her fiancé from seeing his Bishop are doing both of them a disservice. Like it or not, resolution of serious sin requires this step. Speaking from personal experience, this step is necessary and those claiming some parallel to Catholicism or that you can just work it out between you and God are off base.

[ajax]

We know what LDS requires. What does Jesus require?

[Fiannan]

Will we see any more posts from the OP? Predictions?

[braingrunt]

We know what LDS requires. What does Jesus require?

integrity.

[Onsdag]

I am a recently engaged student attending BYU Idaho. My fiancé and I, before we reached engagement, had some severe sexual relations that came close to completely having intercourse, but stopped before reaching that point. These occurred several months ago and we have since then stopped to take steps towards repentance. We have no sexual or explicit physical contact anymore. We since got engaged and know we want a temple marriage, but we still need to talk to our bishops (we are in separate wards). He (my fiancé) is an endowed malchezidek priesthood holder, but I am not endowed at all. What are the potential consequences if we have been working sincerely towards temple marriage after our mistakes? What are the chances of disfellowship or even excommunication? How long might they be for?

Be careful of taking advice from people on this forum. There are a number of people who are apostate or who hold apostate beliefs and are eager to share them with anyone willing to give them an ear. Some, for example, would have you believe it's not necessary to tell your bishop. This is wrong, and my advice is to seek help, advice, and counsel from the Lord, your priesthood leaders, and parents because they are the ones who are authorized and best situated to give you the proper help and support you need. They, more than anyone else, love you, know your circumstances, and will be able to help you personally along the path of repentance and pursuing the eternal marriage that you desire. My second piece of advice is to not put it off - seek their help and support as soon as possible. I'm sure you're already aware of this, but any engagement plans you have will most likely be affected by this and will need to be revised accordingly.

My love and prayers go out to you and your family.

[rewcox]

We know what LDS requires. What does Jesus require?

Mosiah 26.

[rewcox]

Will we see any more posts from the OP? Predictions?

From past experience, no. So is it a plant?

[gkearney]

You know I don't think we have enough information here to be making any kind of suggestions as to what this person should or shouldn't be doing in this matter.